Kids & Teens
Horrible Histories
Issue 59Horrible Histories magazine is the funniest, foulest and goriest magazine you’ll ever see! If you dare, you’ll discover so much stuff about the awful Egyptians, rotten Romans, terrible Tudors, vile Victorians and more that you’ll become a horrible expert! Join TV star Rattus and the gang and begin a journey through the putrid past – all the gore and more!
in this issue
on this horrible day…
7 Sep, 1533 A fresh-faced Elizabeth I is born – not so fresh later in life, when her white face paint ate into her skin! 15 Sep, 1916 A tank was used in battle for the first time by the Brits in the First World War. The first model was called ‘Little Willie’! 16 Sep, 1420 Spanish torturer Tomás de Torquemada is born. Instead of birthday candles, he’ll spend his life burning people – 2,000 of them. 20 Sep, 1519 Portuguese sailor Ferdinand Magellan sets sail for China with 237 men – but not enough food. Just 18 get home. Magellan isn’t one of them!…
the necks factor!
ANNE BOLEYN Got the chop in: 1536 Sob story: With no baby boy after three years of marriage, Henry VIII sent her for the chop – saying she had five boyfriends. But he was kind and got an expert swordsman so her head would come off quicker! MARIE ANTOINETTE Got the chop in: 1793 Sob story: She didn’t get the public vote! The peckish and poor people of France revolted against King Louis XVI (not Louis Walsh,) and Queen Marie, sending them to the guillotine. WILLIAM WALLACE Got the chop in: 1305 Sob story: Wallace's fight for Scottish independence came to a sticky end. He was taken to London and, in front of a crowd, he got it in the neck twice – first he was hanged, then he got the axe! MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS Got the chop…
on this horrible day…
3 Oct, 1720 Halloween comes early. Peter the Great of Russia has his girlfriend’s lover killed – and keeps his head in a jar in their room! 6 Oct, 1014 The Bulgarian army return home from a defeat to Byzantine Emperor Basil II – minus their eyes. Basil had them blinded! 10 Oct, 1808 Two men in France fall out, so have a pistol duel – in hot air balloons! They fire until one tumbles to his death. Splat. 16 Oct, 1408 Another foul French trial is held for the killing of a child. The defendant? A PIG! The porker is found guilty and hanged.…
deadly dot-to-dot
Norman soldiers could be very ruthless – and if they set fire to the thatch on your cottage, you’d be very ‘roofless’, too! In Norman times, young children had a tough life. Tick the awful jobs you think they had to do… Prod an ox in the bum with a sharp stick Polish the arrowheads of their dad’s arrows Cook frog’s legs and cowpats for the rich Collect firewood from the forest (watch out for wolves!) TOP TIP When you get to a number with a star next to it, lift up your pencil and start again at the next red number!…
ultimate warriors!
ROMAN LEGIONNAIRES WEAPONS Shield, two javelins, one short sword, one dagger. TRAINING Soldiers who couldn’t keep up with the tough marches were beaten with clubs! BIGGEST BATTLE Battle of Carthage, 149 BC – Destroyed the Carthaginian Empire, slaughtered 350,000, took 50,000 as slaves. HUN HORSEMEN WEAPONS Bow, axe, the stamping feet of a furious horse. TRAINING They didn’t horse around – Huns learned to ride before they’d learn to walk! BIGGEST BATTLE Battle of the Utus, AD 447 – The Romans were powerless to stop Atilla and his Huns from invading their turf! THE ZULUS WEAPONS Iron spear, wooden club, cow-skin shield. TRAINING They did 50-mile treks and stamped on thorny bushes to toughen their feet! BIGGEST BATTLE Battle of Isandlwana, 1879. The rifles and dogs of 1,200 Brits were no match for 12,000 Zulu warriors. NASTY KNIGHTS WEAPONS Sword, dagger, spear, mace. TRAINING Jousting contests and fighting tournaments involving 400 knights at a time! BIGGEST…
“it kept weeing over the cast!”
Do you joke about much on set? Richard says: “The real question is – do we ever do any work on set? It’s all joking about! We’re dressed up in ridiculous costumes singing about poo!” What’s the grossest scene you’ve done? Richard says: “I had to do a scene with a pretend dead dog, and when I pressed a certain part of his body it kept weeing. So of course, I kept pressing it and it kept weeing over the cast!” Who’s your favourite Horrible Histories character? Richard says: “I really enjoyed playing a French hairdresser that had to do crazy operations for the King – on his bottom! It got very daft, and I couldn’t believe I was doing it all on TV!” If you could be anyone from history, who would you be? Richard says:…
