Sommaire pour December 2019 de Mindful

Going it alone has its benefits, and can be great for getting to know your mindfulness practice—but meditating with a friend is one way to really super-charge the experience. Meditating isn’t always so easy, after all—and the boost that comes from community is one resource that can always be renewed. Looking for like-minded meditators in your area? Mindfulness teacher Tara Brach has some great advice: www.tarabrach.com/starting-meditation-group/ Having trouble finding like-minded meditators in your area? Try building a virtual community. Check out our free instructional mp3s and videos on our YouTube and Soundcloud channels—and see how others are bringing their practice into their lives on our Facebook and Instagram pages. Looking to form communities of mindfulness at your organization? That’s the work we’ve been doing for nearly 15 years. Ask us…

LOVING-KINDNESS FOR SLOWER AGING Practicing loving-kindness may protect your genes and slow aging, a new study finds. Scientists at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill wanted to know which forms of meditation were most protective for telomeres (segments of DNA that stop chromosomes from deteriorating too rapidly). One hundred seventy-six adults with no prior meditation experience were assigned to learn either mindfulness meditation or loving-kindness meditation, or to be in a no-training control group. Over six weeks, mindfulness and loving-kindness participants attended hour-long group meditation classes once per week and were asked to use 20-minute audio practices at home daily. Meditators learned to observe their experience to increase their objectivity and mental clarity, while the loving-kindness group focused on fostering kindness and social connection. Participants’ telomere length was…

Q I’m wondering how loving-kindness and forgiveness practices relate to one another when you’ve been wronged or betrayed. Is loving-kindness extending forgiveness? Does one come from the other? A People use the word forgiveness in so many different ways. As my colleague and friend Sylvia Boorstein is fond of saying: “Forgiveness does not mean amnesia.” But we often think it does. I was teaching a course, and the person I was teaching with used the word “forgiveness” a lot and led a forgiveness meditation, and someone in the audience came to me to complain about it. He said that he was in fact in tremendous physical pain. He had been in a terrorist attack and his body was really trashed. He said, “I will never forgive them, but what I’ve…

M Meet strong thoughts, emotions, and urges to act by noticing them as they show up in your mind and body. E Engage in awareness by turning to face, feel, and investigate whatever is being triggered. A Allow yourself to gently let the strong feelings, the powerful thoughts, and the compulsions to act come up…and then let them go. N Notice how you feel when you pause to connect with yourself before acting out.…

MYTH 1 Mindfulness is just Buddhism in disguise Mindfulness is a basic human inheritance and capability, and it’s not owned by any group, religion, or philosophy. As a capacity of the human mind, mindfulness can be trained with practices and disciplines, just as one can become a more skilled violinist through long practice or build one’s strength through weight training. Buddhist practitioners have done deep research on the subject, and the many Buddhist traditions offer myriad insights, but that doesn’t mean Buddhism owns mindfulness any more than Italians own pasta or Greeks own democracy. Ironically, two concerns surround the relationship between mindfulness and Buddhism: Some Buddhists are concerned that mindfulness, if ripped from its moorings in Buddhism, is a sham; another group of critics is concerned about the opposite: that…

INSTANTS If I were able to live my life anew, in the next one I would make more mistakes. I would not attempt to be so perfect. I would relax more, I would be more foolish than I have been. In fact I would take very few things seriously. I would be less hygienic. I would take more risks, would do more trips, would behold more sunsets, I would climb more mountains, would swim more rivers, would eat more ice creams and less broad beans. I would have more real problems and fewer imaginary ones. I was of those kinds of persons that lived sensibly and prolifically each minute of his life. Of course, I had moments of happiness but if I were able to return back, I would try…

Mindful: What about when the other person doesn’t have these tools or when they just want to fight? Oren Jay Sofer: We cocreate our relationships; it takes two of us to dance. Regardless of whether or not the other person is familiar with these ideas and practices, you can shift the dialogue by how you relate. In martial arts, if you tense up or resist and your opponent is more skilled than you, they can easily take you down. Fighting back immediately puts you in the realm of struggle and power dominance—and right there you’ve already lost something important. You lose balance, your own equilibrium and responsiveness. But if your mind and body stay flexible and dynamic, you can redirect their energy and things can take a different course. When…

My mother, like so many mothers, must have gone crazy from hearing the refrain over and over and over again: “Mom, I’m bored.” My oldest brother, helping our dad in our vegetable garden, asked after about five minutes, “Dad, do you still have to keep working after you’re bored?” My dad found this particularly amusing, since he was an HR manager who dealt with adults struggling with the same question. Boredom was for me a state truly to be loathed, brought on by sitting in classes that dragged on with teachers who droned on. But it was generated equally by lazy summer days we had pined for but couldn’t seem to fill with enough entertainments. Why couldn’t life be a perpetual Disneyland? As time went on, boredom seeped into relationships—it…

In a brief conversation, Frank Ostasetski said something that changed my life. Frank is a lifelong mindfulness meditator and the cofounder of the Zen Hospice Project based in San Francisco. He has been at the bedside of thousands of people in the process of dying. I ran into Frank outside a hotel elevator at a mindfulness conference and mentioned to him we were starting to work on a story and would love his input. We were exploring how death can reveal what’s most important in life, perhaps pointing to what makes us happy while we’re still alive. Without missing a beat, he leaned in. “When people are dying, only two things matter,” he said, his bright blue eyes piercing mine with an urgency to convey decades of wisdom. “They just…

Thanks to student activists, public schools in Oregon are now the first in the nation to allow students to take mental health days just as they would sick days. The new law permits up to five mental health days within a three-month period. “A big issue for students with mental health is when you have to miss a day because you’re going through depression or you have a therapy appointment,” 18-year-old Hailey Hardcastle told NPR. According to reports, the mental health of teens has been declining since the mid-2000s. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in Oregon for people ages 15-34. Schools in the Tempe Union High School District of Arizona will now include mindfulness rooms, thanks in part to a grant from MLB’s Diamondbacks. The rooms, outfitted…

1 HONOR THE MOMENT Take a moment to acknowledge the origin story behind the chocolate: where it came from; all the natural elements of sun, rain, soil, and wind that allowed the cacao to grow; the farmers who cultivated it; the chocolate maker who blended it with other ingredients to create the bar you hold right now; even the thought that went into the package design. 2 CONNECT WITH YOUR SENSES Before eating, pause for a moment to take in any aroma. What scents can you pick up? Does a memory emerge? Take a second look. What colors do you see? Then take a bite and see what you notice. How many layers of flavor are there? 3 EXPERIENCE EVERY BITE When we eat we are often “doing” something else…

The main intention I have when I teach kids mindfulness is that they will have a positive experience, that the seed is planted so someday they can have an opportunity to practice and it’s a happy memory, not a chore. What’s critical is that we always keep it fun and positive. I’m excited about Alpha-breaths because we think of the fun and funny breaths it encourages as the training wheels for mindfulness. First, we make breathing fun, help kids become aware of their breath, then we teach them how to regulate the breath with these kinds of practices. Concepts like the polyvagal theory and other understandings of the stress response show us that as we slowly regulate the breath, we regulate our bodies, our physiologies and our brains, which of…

1 If you have choice over where and when to talk, try to set supportive initial conditions: time, place, who’s present. Consider how you can lay a foundation of curiosity and care prior to the conversation. For instance, a kind email or a few simple words can let the other person know that you’re looking forward to talking and working together to figure things out. If you’ve initiated the dialogue, ask, “Is now still a good time?” This can create a sense of agreement and mutual respect from the start. 2 Pay attention to the pace of the conversation. Things tend to move quickly in heated dialogue; a lot of the work is about slowing down. The more you can find ways to naturally pause and deactivate, the easier it…

What community have you have felt most at home in? “MY NEIGHBORHOOD is home to me. My neighbors are like family.” “MY MARATHON TRAINING GROUP. We cheered each other on—the competition was only with ourselves. We brought our own meaning to running and races. Anyone could be a mentor, bringing in their experiences to help others. Also, we had fun!” “AT MY JOB, because we all work hard at a difficult job—we form bonds.” “MY RELIGIOUS COMMUNITY, not due to the religion as much as the acceptance.” “I am new to where I live, so not yet as connected as I’d like to be, but my town is full of vibrant, engaged, intelligent, compassionate people! I am really looking forward to a future of community here.” “Most often it is…

Foul weather and flight delays had Seth Craven worried he wouldn’t be at his wife’s side when their baby was born by scheduled C-section. Sergeant Craven was traveling from Kabul, where he was stationed with the National Guard, to his home in Charleston, but made it only as far as Philadelphia, which is where he met Charlene Vickers. She was determined to get to Charleston for a conference, and she agreed to take Craven as a passenger on the eight-hour road trip. Craven made it home in plenty of time to see his son be born—and was able to send Vickers a photo of the happy family. A man in Altoona, Iowa, may have been parched when he held up a sign asking for beer money—and included his Venmo handle—in…

Bianca Andreescu’s physical training was evident when she beat Serena Williams at the 2019 US Open, but the tennis star says mindfulness played a part too. Andreescu, a meditator since her early teens, told journalists after her US Open win, “If you can control your mind, you can control a lot of things.” Minnesota Twins pitcher Devin Smeltzer meditates in the bullpen, in view of the crowd. “It’s extremely important for me to be able to meditate with the distractions,” Smeltzer told The Athletic. “I need to be successful with a stadium that is shaking. I need to be able to control myself.” University of Wisconsin-Madison Badgers running back Jonathan Taylor uses meditation to gain a competitive edge. He told ESPN that mindfulness allows him to “stop thinking, be in…

For people with autism spectrum disorder, the crowding and bustle of an airport may feel not just annoying, but deeply unsettling. Five US airports so far have added sensory rooms, where soft furniture, dim lights, and calming activities help travellers relax before they fly. In a creative bid to boost reusable shopping bags and reduce plastic use, a Vancouver market printed (what they considered) cringey, made-up store names on their plastic bags—e.g., “Into the Weird Adult Video Emporium.” But customers found these hilarious and bought more of them. California blogger Jenna Karvunidis helped invent “gender-reveal parties” in 2008—but recently, she’s spoken against them. Noting her 10-year-old (the first GRparty baby) is openly nonbi-nary, Karvunidis said gender reveals place “more emphasis on gender than has ever been necessary for a baby.”…

IDEALLY, COMPETITION MOTIVATES US TO ACHIEVE. BUT IT CAN ALSO CAUSE US TO SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WE MIGHT OTHERWISE ACCOMPLISH. How competitive are we? Very, if you consider the 200 participants in an experiment at Stanford University. They had to ponder a string of letters (RSLALHT, for example) and make as many words as possible (rash, salt, thrall, etc.). After each round, the researchers informed the participants that an unseen student with whom they’d been paired had beat them by making even more words. Practically speaking, that didn’t matter: The participants would win a $5 Amazon gift card if they made 100 words in five rounds, regardless of how many the other player—who didn’t actually exist—made. Nevertheless, when allowed to change the difficulty of the fake player’s task, they…

You’re invited to take a mindful reading journey. What is mindful reading, you ask? It’s a way to deepen your understanding and practice of mindfulness through the joy of reading books. Beginning in January, you can join a group of likeminded bibliophiles for month-long explorations of books by Jon Kabat-Zinn, Sharon Salzberg, Ruth King, and more. With the expert mindful guidance from fellow book lovers Chris and Mitch, you’ll experience a new way to integrate daily mindfulness into your life. As a Member of The Mindful Book Club, you’ll get: • A Mindful reader’s guide to each book, exploring its themes and content and outlining the schedule of events, interviews, guided practices, and daily practice suggestions for the month. • Daily morning prompts and evening contemplations based on the themes…

Finding Gravity The downward force of gravity tends to balance the stimulating, upward movement of attention in conversations. Sit comfortably. Start by taking a few moments to orient to your surroundings, looking around the room. Gently close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to help you settle in. Feel any sensations of weight or heaviness in your body. You might notice your body’s contact with the chair, any hardness or give in the surface you’re sitting on. You might feel the sense of your whole body sitting, its mass, or warmth. Let your attention rest with these sensations of weight. Can you feel the downward force of gravity? When you notice your attention has wandered, gently let go and bring it back to the feeling of weight or…

Life is messy. In spite of our preparations, training, and best intentions, we all blow it from time to time. In the heat of the moment, an emotion or reaction gets the best of us. A wave of arousal rises, lifts us up, and we crash onto the rocks. A do-over is like pressing the reset button. We acknowledge where things went awry, restate our intentions, and ask the other person if they’d be gracious enough to let us try again. We can own our part for something as small as a single remark or as broad as an entire conversation. When we take responsibility for losing it, most people are happy to give us a second chance. It’s rarely too late to ask for a do-over. Depending on the…

WIDEN THE WINDOW Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive during Stress and Recover from Trauma Elizabeth A. Stanley • Avery Liz Stanley—a graduate of Yale, Harvard, and MIT; a retired military officer; and an associate professor of security studies at Georgetown University—readily admits to operating in overdrive. Early in Widen the Window, she lets us know that a Stanley has served “in the US Army every generation since the Revolutionary War, including on both sides of the American Civil War.” Her experiences in the army, including sexual harassment, led to a diagnosis of PTSD. Apparently resilient “as our society usually understands it” (i.e., “capable of tolerating and functioning through an immense amount of stress”), she was actually just “sucking it up and driving on,” which results in “tremendous achievement…

EMOTIONAL BADASS WITH NIKKI EISENHAUER Episode: The Power of a Healing Goodbye Parting ways with someone you’ve grown close to can feel overwhelming. “Most of us get a little tense, a little sad,” says therapist Nikki Eisenhauer. “We don’t quite know how to deal with them.” With warm understanding, Eisenhauer explains why goodbyes matter in the context of therapists with clients: It offers a chance for each party to come to terms with “all that has happened over the course of our therapeutic relationship… It seals up our work and gives us a healthy ‘you are ready to go, and you don’t need me anymore.’” THINK AGAIN Episode: World Makes Mind, with Barbara Tversky For over five decades, cognitive psychologist and professor Barbara Tversky’s work has illuminated ways of knowing—and…

THREE MEDITATIONS TO ENCOURAGE GRATITUDE 1 A Loving-Kindness Practice to Foster Acceptance from Sharon Salzberg Open the heart. If you want to appreciate the life that you already have, it’s helpful to stop yearning for things to be “different” or “better” than they are right now. By practicing loving-kindness, you can connect to a place within yourself that fosters love and compassion and allow that place to flourish. Follow this three-minute practice to open up your heart to all the good in your life. 2 A Guided Meditation for Resting in Flow from Ed Halliwell Appreciate the moment. When your thoughts become focused on what could be, you lose contact with what actually is. This guided meditation helps you notice your experience as it happens, so you can notice what’s…