Reader's Digest

life

“Would you please stop reading over my shoulder?” A gust of wind through an open living room window blew over a tall lamp, causing it to smash the curved glass side of a priceless antique French cabinet. I was distraught. Thank goodness my six-year-old son was there to console me. “Don’t worry, Daddy,” he said. “It was old.” —John MELMED Rockville, Maryland My wife and I decided we’ll need a vacation once the world reopens. I taped a world map to the refrigerator, gave my wife a magnetic dart, and said, “Wherever it lands is our vacation spot!” Seems we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge. —Joseph Hubisz Bradford, New Hampshire Kids are finicky eaters. On the Facebook page My Kid Can’t Eat This, parents share just how finicky their little food critics are: ♦ “My…

quotable quotes

It’s not what you’ve accomplished, it’s the relationships you have. You’re survived by things that matter—the people you love and those who love you back. —Chris Evans, actor Start unknown, finish unforgettable. —Misty Copeland, dancer Friendship is the habitual inclination to promote the good in one another. —Eustace Budgell, writer Don’t say yes to everything. “No” is also an answer, and it can be a full sentence. —Cynthia Erivo, actor I would never name-drop. It’s tacky. My best friend, Gwyneth Paltrow, taught me that. —Ross Mathews, tv personality Some say never meet your heroes. But I say if you are really blessed, you get them as your parents. —Laura Dern, actor You can’t make old friends. You either have them or you don’t. —Kenny Rogers, musician Joy is not made to be a crumb. —Mary Oliver, poet POINT TO PONDER I know the last thing you want…

all in a day’s work

“I’m working from home today.” As my roommate drove me to work, I begged him to stop off at a diner. In a hurry, he begrudgingly pulled over. I jumped out and grabbed a coffee to go, and soon we were on our way again. But just as I was opening the lid to take a sip, he hit a large pothole, causing me to spill coffee all over myself. “Didn’t you see that pothole?” I yelled. He replied tersely, “I hit it, didn’t I?” —JOHN CUFF Norwich, Connecticut Client: Can you make that color better? Or maybe use a cooler font? Me: That’s really not helpful feedback. Client: OK. Make it nicer, then. -CLIENTSFROMHELL.NET A customer came into the bookstore I managed and asked about a Bible to lay alongside a deceased person in an open casket. I showed…

rate a species

“Waterproof, great for winter, only comes in brown.” When Shervin Hess of the Oregon Zoo read this product review for hiking boots, he realized it also described sea otters. The Association of Zoos and Aquariums picked up on his idea and published an entire collection called Animals: Reviewed. A few of their ratings: Linnaeus’s two-toed sloth Built-in hooks make it easy to hang, but it quickly runs out of power and needs most of a day to recharge. Blue-and-gold macaw Cool colors, but the playback feature sometimes doesn’t work, and there is no volume control. Might peck at you if you try to fast-forward. Giant anteater Works well in hard-to-reach places. The nozzle does NOT detach. Leaves a slimy residue, but it comes with a bonus duster on the back. Giant Pacific octopus Customizable color blends easily with…

humor in uniform

While serving in South Korea, I was assigned guard duty. The ensign issued me a gun and a whistle, but I quickly realized there were no bullets. Brandishing the empty weapon, I asked, “What do I do if I run into trouble?” The ensign replied, “That’s what the whistle’s for.” -GORDON STANLEY Schaumburg, Illinois During basic training, our drill sergeant often led us in a game of Simon Says to help teach us the marching commands. “I bet you can’t get me out,” a private insisted. Challenge accepted, the drill sergeant went through the commands, sometimes beginning with “ Simon says” and sometimes not. The private was as good as he claimed and stayed in the game until the sergeant commanded, “Simon says, jump up!” The private leaped into the air and landed again. “Oh,…

50 virus facts you need to know

There’s a long-standing argument in scientific circles over how to classify viruses. They’re not inanimate, because they multiply, have genes, and evolve. Yet they’re not “alive,” as they don’t have cells, can’t convert food into energy, and can’t survive on their own. Viruses are biological zombies. They have one mission: to find a host and use it to replicate. They reproduce by hijacking the host’s cells, eventually causing them to burst and die. That’s why viruses that infect humans nearly always cause illness. Fortunately, just as we know a great deal about how viruses do their damage, so do we know how to fend them off. These facts are a good place to start. 1 There are many more viruses than you think We often think of just a few viruses—influenza, HIV,…