Sommaire pour Issue 602 de Grazia

10am, Grazia conference room, Tuesday 1 November. Grazia’s picture director Nathan: ‘I’d like to start with these…’ On the big screen pops our shoot with Ed Balls, replete in tux, sledgehammer in hand, smashing up a disco ball. Entire team: ‘SHRIEK!’ Grazia’s deputy editor Caroline: ‘I’m just going to say it. He’s hot, right?’ Entire team (looking almost like we can’t believe what is happening to us, but nodding): ‘Uh-huh.’ Seriously, who would have predicted the Ed Balls fever that is currently sweeping the nation? From the PM to, frankly, the rest of the country, the former Shadow Chancellor has made us a nation of ‘Ballers’, thanks to his turn on Strictly. Decca Aitkenhead meets Ed on page 20 to talk sequins, tans and political comebacks. As you read this,…

Photos: Rex, Fame Flynet, Getty, PA SHE IS SAID TO BE WORTH over £40m and was at one time the second highest-earning actress in Hollywood. But even Keira Knightley says she’s struggled to get paid fairly. Speaking exclusively to Grazia last week, the 31-year-old revealed she has turned down lucrative film roles because she refuses to be paid less than male co-stars. ‘The Hollywood pay gap is ridiculous, and we have to do something about it,’ she told us. ‘I’ve turned jobs down many times because of it. It’s s** t.’ Keira, who spoke out at the Harper’s Bazaar Women of the Year Awards, is the latest high-profile female to address the gender pay discrepancy between actors. Earlier this year, Emma Watson told us that she used to worry about…

Photos: Xposure Photos LAST MONTH, GRAZIA reported that Kate Moss had ended her relationship with Nikolai von Bismarck as a result of his hard partying, with friends fearing she would ‘get back with him out of habit’. Now it appears that Kate’s resolve has already weakened, with the super said to have given her aristocratic boyfriend another chance – on one condition. ‘Kate has told Nik they can give things another go if he cleans up his act,’ said one associate of the couple. ‘They had crisis talks the night before she flew to Japan for a recent work trip, and he agreed that things had to change.’ Since Kate threw Nik out of her North London home in October, he’s been lying low at his mum…

WHEN ADELE SPOKE OUT last week about the post-natal depression that has put her off having any more children, even those closest to her were stunned by her revelation. For many – including key executives from Sony Music who recently handed her a £90 million record deal – it explained the reason behind the 28-year-old’s ‘lost years’, which came shortly after her son Angelo’s birth in 2012. In true Adele style, the singer, who grew up on a South London council estate, spoke with brutal honesty about the depression that has plagued her. In an interview with Vanity Fair, she said, ‘I have a very dark side. I’m very available to depression. I can slip in and out of it quite easily. It started when my grandad died when I…

Photos: Planet Photos, Getty Images Last week, a Tokyo transport company released a video imploring women not to do their make-up on the city’s subway system. It incorporates singing, dancing interventions on women who are doing their make-up on the subway, culminating with the warning, ‘Your eyebrows restored, eyelashes multiplied… but your transformations has been witnessed!’ Da, da, daaaaaa! It has polarised Japan, half of which agrees the public application of cosmetics is hopelessly déclassé, the other half of which thinks it’s fine. I’m with that other half. I cannot imagine how a woman slapping up on public transport could be offensive. I consider it a) an efficient deployment of dead time; and b) mesmerising. It’s nice, comparing the way another woman wields a mascara wand to the way I…

OUR PANEL LAURA GRABINER Grazia’s junior fashion news and features writer does a near perfect Cheryl impression and adheres strictly to the rule: what Dolce says, goes. @laura_grabiner JIM SHELLEY Grazia’s resident bloke writes about television, film and Man United. What he doesn’t know about chiffon is not worth knowing – literally. @jimshelley17 LEWIS HAMILTON LAURA SAYS: Here’s hoping the glam squad responsible for this sent Lewis out with some form of ID. So good it’s creepy... which I suppose is the point. JIM SAYS: The only trick Lewis has missed is not turning up in his car. No, not his Lambo, his F1-mobile. How cool would the Joker be then? Turning up at the Monaco Grand Prix like this would give his rivals a real scare. YOU SAY: Where…

She wore a rose gold chain-mail gown by Versace to her final White House state dinner (above left). If you were to psychoanalyse that one dress, you could say that: a) she has become as fearless and statement-making in her wardrobe choices as she has been in affecting political change for girls and women; b) that EVERY one of her outfits sends a pointed message – in this case, supporting Donatella Versace, whose catwalk shows are the fashion equivalent of a feminist rally; and c) that, superficially speaking, there is nothing this First Lady, with her good looks and arm definition, can’t pull off. She is always correct; deeply politically correct. Like no other FLOTUS before her, she has unerringly harnessed fashion as a political/promotional tool. She has advertised young…

Decadent clashing prints, masses of relaxed tailoring and last night’s smeared-to-perfection smoky eyes… it’s the A/W ’16 Dries Van Noten fashion feast. Yummy. Time to get a tie. Be it stolen from partner/nephew/colleague, or purchased from Mr ‘dreamy’ Porter, it’s the all-time sexiest party season accessory. When confronted with a mass of faux fur, simply thrust said bulk of material over one shoulder and swan around like there’s no tomorrow. Few things say luxe quite like upper class sportswear OFF the playing field. Striped athleisure plus Wimbledon-inspired blazers at all times, please. Only a true Dries devotee could roll out of her four-poster bed, gel yesteryear’s locks to her forehead, forgo the make-up remover and look this darn alluring. Yellow is the answer to pretty much everything A/W – specifically…

Photos: Marco Vittur 1. LEND A HAND There’s nothing more cosseting than cashmere, so scoop up H&M Cashmere Haze Hand Lotion, £3.99, to keep dry and damaged hands at bay. With a dinky pump, this is the handiest (pun intended) addition to our desks. hm.com 2. TAUPE TIPS A swift departure from the pastel summer spectrum, Barry M Coconut Infusion Nail Paint in Boardwalk, £4.99, is a subversively chic shade of taupe. Pair it with frosty mornings, chunky knits and frothy mugs of cocoa. boots.com 3. OBJECT OF DESIRE Photographers rave about the quality of light in the hours before sunset because it brings the most flattering p hotos. Ente r Hourglass’s marble-clad Ambient Lighting Edit in Surreal Light, £69, featuring everything from a shimmery rose to a t awny…

OIL UP Autumn can be bad news for skin. Alfresco workouts in particular can lead to windswept dryness. The answer? De Mamiel's Botaniques Salvation Body Oil, £75, which is packed full of vits and fatty acids - just the ticket for post-run soothing. Panelled for performance, these leggings get a thumbs-up from us. Sweaty Betty’s Power Leggings, £75, are ready for anything. Mesh and monochrome from ZVD x Sports Philosophy, £85. Serious sass courtesy of Blue Life Fit, £119. PARTY FEET If you've failed to get your monthly pedi now November's hit, fear not. Iluminage's Skin Rejuvenating Socks, £30, have high-tech copper-infused thread to soften tired, worn-down s oles, and improve toenails, too. Expect results after four weeks - just in time for NYE peep-toes. GO NORDIC Scandis are experts…

BODY MATTERS No Body’s Perfect is a cool, even-handed look at body image and self-esteem. Fashion photographer Rankin and disabled artist Alison Lapper take an invigorating look at how we see our bodies in a post-digital atmosphere obsessed with catching ourselves on camera. Friday, 9pm, BBC Four ALTERED IMAGES Extreme Makeovers: On Fleek is a trashier, more tabloid yet no less compelling look at the same topic. Not everybody can see when contouring has turned to clownification and Botox has frozen every shred of personal expression. Inevitably, shock tactics are going on here but, lest we forget, these are real people with real issues around their appearance. Tuesday, 10pm, Channel 4 TV’S TRUMP CARD In terms of pure televisual, theatrical tension, the events of the week are the American election…

1 PERFECT TIMING Oyster Perpetual 39, £3,750, Rolex (rolex.com). A knock-out timepiece is something to keep forever, so it’s worth investing. The coloured face on this classic Rolex gives a modern, feminine finish. 2 STAR GAZER Dress, £225, RIXO London (rixo.co.uk). An astrological take on the ditsy-print dress from contemporary fashion label RIXO. To be worn with black tights, ankle boots and a cosy aviator jacket. 3 CATWALK NAN Jumper, £596, skirt, £595, sandals, price on request, bag, £1,145, Christopher Kane; hat, price on request, Stephen Jones x Christopher Kane (all christopher kane.com). Only Kane could convince us that wearing a grandscarf (grandma scarf, obvs) is not just acceptable, but downright COOL. 4 PARTY FLATS Mules, £59.99, H&M (hm.com). For those who just don’t do heels and are after something…

 surprise darling of Strictly, dad dancing his way into the nation’s hearts. As I watch Balls pose, I can’t quite believe I’m about to say this – but our former Shadow Chancellor is hot. “I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT I HAD THIS STRONG INNER-CAMP” Could he have posed so flamboyantly before Strictly? ‘No. But who knows when in life you’ll ever get a chance to do something like this? So you’ve got to say to yourself, what a fabulous thing, don’t think too hard, just embrace!’ When Strictly sent Balls an invitation in April, he was going to throw it in the bin, but happened to mention it to his wife, the Labour MP Yvette Cooper. Viewers have her to thank for talking him around. Balls’ biggest worry was that ‘it…

Photos: Steve Neaves/Chilli Media, Getty Images ‘I’M MY OWN WORST ENEMY,’ announces Professor Green. ‘A divorce is on the cards if I don’t get my arse in gear… I’m asking for it. A b*** ard ain’t I?’ So goes the rapper’s comeback single One Eye On The Door. It tells the story of 61 missed calls from his wife after staying out too late, furious rows, an apparently dull sex life and the fear of being kicked out of his own home. It’s his first single since 2014, but a lot has happened in that time. Chiefly, his marriage to – and divorce from – the Quality Street heiress Millie Mackintosh, a match so unlikely that it inspired widespread fascination. Then there is his burgeoning side-career as a documentary-maker. Last…

PARIS FASHION WEEK Photos: The Urban Spotter, Xposurephotos.com WHEN FOUR Grazia FASHION editors turn up at work in the same statement coat, you know it’s got to be a good’un. The coat in question? The black vinyl trench from the second Archive by Alexa collection for M&S – first worn by Chung at LFW back in September – yours (or rather, ours) for £89. That was last week so, sadly, by the time you read this, said coat will likely be long gone: the first collection saw 20,000 sales by 4.30pm on the launch day. And, if anything, this second collection is even stronger. But luckily, vinyl is such ‘a thing’ everywhere you can still join the club. It was championed as the fetish fabric du…

“THERE WERE REPORTS THAT HE’D BEEN TRYING TO SAVE OTHER PEOPLE. THAT WAS NICK; HE WAS AMAZINGLY LOYAL” On 13 November 2015, IS terrorists attacked Paris’s Bataclan concert hall, the Stade de France, restaurants and bars – leaving 130 dead and hundreds wounded. One year on, three victims talk to Grazia about life after the worst attack in France’s history ‘OUR LIGHT AFTER DARKNESS’ Isobel Bowdery and her boyfriend, Amaury Baudoin, were at the Bataclan watching the Eagles of Death Metal when gunmen stormed the gig. Isobel played dead for over an hour, lying in a river of blood from the 89 people around her who had been killed. Both were rescued and later exclusively told Grazia of their joy at expecting a baby the very week of the attack’s…

IF SOMEONE ASKED YOU to free-associate about Michelle Obama’s eight years as First Lady, what would you say? Biceps? Side-eye? Hugging the Queen? The most goosebump-inducing kick-ass speech laying out precisely why no one who thinks ‘women and girls deserve to be treated with dignity and respect’ can in good conscience vote for Donald Trump? For me, the answer would be an empty packet of M&Ms and an iPod – exactly what I once glimpsed on sneaking a peek into her black leather tote. The candy might not have been the sort of organic, herbicide-free vegetable she would later become famous for cultivating (if you have never googled ‘Michelle Obama and turnip’, you really should), and the iPod now seems like a quaint period detail, but the tableau still perfectly…

THE MILITARY MUST-HAVE Earn your wings in A/W '16's update on last season's bomber, the MA1 flight jacket from Canadian Classics. Layer yours over tailored separates for an unexpected spin on the style. Jacket, £116.08, Canadian Classics; shirt, £175.50, Peter Jensen; skirt, £204.05, Filippa K; earring, £240, Leivankash; watch, £449, Bulbul. All available at Amazon.co.uk/fashion,Amazon.co.uk/ jewelleryboutique and Amazon.co.uk/watches THE FOREVER BUY A longline camel coat should be a staple in every woman's wardrobe. Bring yours bang up to date (and tap into the athleisure trend while you're at it) and pair with Champion trackies and classic converse. Coat, £82, Vero Moda; sweatshirt, £56, and tracksuit bottoms, £39, both Champion; hi-tops, £49.99, Converse; watch, £139, South Lane. All available at Amazon.co.uk/fashion and Amazon.co.uk/watches THE IT KNIT Lace-up details, thick ribbing and…

Photographer’s assistants Joshua Payne and Jack Gray Fashion assistant Fenella Webb Make-up Angela Davis Deacon, using Chanel Rouge Allure Ink and Sublimage Le Teint Hair Liz Taw, using Aveda Model Soekie at Models 1 3.1 Phillip Lim 020 7591 1320 Aquazzura aquazzura.com Chanel 020 7493 5040 Giorgio Armani armani.com Gucci gucci.com Haider Ackermann haider ackermann.be Lanvin lanvin.com Miu Miu miumiu.com Osman 020 7401 9514 Paul Andrew net-a-porter.com Philosophy Di Lorenzo Serafini 020 7235 2349 Preen preenbythornton bregazzi.com Ralph Lauren Collection ralphlauren.co.uk Rochas net-a-porter.com Roberto Cavalli robertocavalli.com Roland Mouret 020 7518 0700 Simone Rocha 020 7629 6317 Stella McCartney stella mccartney.com Valentino valentino.com Wempe 020 7493 2299…

ROOM RULES Those fond of filling their homes with fabulous smells will find it hard to resist Frédéric Malle’s Cafe Society Perfume Gun, £95. Originally created to scent hotel rooms, it became so popular, the brand quickly introduced it to their roster of home buys. Emulating the irresistible and curious mix of scents left in a room after a brilliant party, it’s soft, sexy, moreish and – well – otherwise pretty hard to describe! HOME IMPROVEMENTS Fornasetti Profumi Scent Sphere in Tre Visi, £295, not only dispenses the Italian brand’s signature scent, Otto, but is also a veritable objet d’art. Decorated with a peculiarly pretty lady, either place their sweetly Scented Crystals, £65, in the pot’s belly, or Incense Sticks, £45, through the slots in its lid, and expect aromatic…

FLORA CARTER ‘With her leopard coat, gorgeous curls, intense red lips and fabulous freckles, Flora cut a flamboyant figure on the streets of Paris,’ explains Gabrielle. ‘I love her look.’ Indeed, those in the know understand that adding a statement mouth is the quickest and easiest way to dress up any look. Classic rouge Sass in the city Desperately seeking an intense, classic red? We have just the thing – the marvellously matte Rouge Edition Velvet in 15 Re(d)volution. Red alert Love lipstick but find it can be drying? Rouge Edition 12HR in 44 Red Belle has a moisturising, shea-butterenriched formula that will keep your pout comfortable and perfectly plump. Blush rush Offset red-hot lips with fresh, glowing skin. Achieve a natural looking al fresco flush by blending Bourjois Little…

Join us at a special event celebrating the design industry and women in business Kelly Hoppen – one of the world’s most renowned and successful interior designers – celebrates 40 years in the business this year. To mark the occasion, we are offering readers the opportunity to come to an intimate event and hear the secrets of Kelly’s success. As one of our Grazia Collective ambassadors, Kelly will be hosting a talk and also taking your questions on her career. And what a career! With her popular style of clean lines and neutral tones, Kelly has put her stamp on the homes, yachts and jets of private clients the world over, and now focuses on designing the interiors for hotels, bars, restaurants and offices. She has…

LETTER OF THE WEEK WISE WORDS, POLLY I have recently lost my darling dad to the nasty C-word. If it wasn’t for my weekly pick-me-up (which I used to save for weekend train journeys to visit him), I honestly may have lost the plot. I felt compelled to write in after reading Polly Vernon’s hygge-hating in last week’s issue. I’d all but resigned myself to wallowing in self-pitying grief-induced hygge heaven with my very fresh and raw grief as an excuse! But alas! Lovely Polly reminded me that I need to dust off my heels and treasured Saint Laurent clutch and embrace party season... that, more than anything, will have me back to my old self in no time. Not onesies and a ‘fart-filled flat’. Thanks again and keep it…

To celebrate an historic rebranding, Browns are cooking up a fashion feast. Exclusive pieces from labels like Y/Project and Maryam Nassir Zadeh are dropping imminently. Then, on 14 Nov, the South Molton St store windows will transform into a mega scratch card, with prizes such as Balenciaga’s Bazar bag. The first 100 visitors receive a limited-edition Browns tote. Keep an eye on @brownsfashion to find out how to win from afar.brownsfashion.com CONFUSION GRIPPED THE INTERNET last week when Lindsay Lohan debuted a bizarre new European accent. The actor clarified on Twitter that it was ‘a mixture of most of the languages I can understand or am trying to learn’, leaving us none the wiser. 2002 ALL HAIL a new Paris Fashion Week! Kendall Jenner celebrated her 21st in the same…

1. NEW IN @HOTDUDES ANDHUMMUS The Instagram feed you didn’t know you needed more desperately than you need both hot dudes and hummus. But you do. (You are most welcome.) 2. NEW IN LAURA LEE Lead singer of Thai funk band (yes, it’s a thing) Khruangbin. Comes from Texas, wears kimonos and glitter lips. So lots going for her. 3. NON-MOVER NICHOLAS PINNOCK Actor and renowned beauty, soon to star in The Royale at the Bush Theatre, London; former colleague of CoL’s: we tended bar together in the early ’90s (true story!). 4. UP SIR ERNEST SHACKLETON As portrayed by Dominic West in the new Burberry campaign. Who knew beard frost could be so alluring? 5. NON-MOVER LADY GAGA We are currently doing series 5 of American Horror Story (not…

Photos: Splash News, Anthea Simms, GC Images AKM-GSI-Xposure, Instagram/@rosiehw, @reformation IF YOU DON’T YET know the name, you’ll recognise the frocks – thanks to an army of A-list fans. Launched in 2009 by Cali-native Yael Aflalo, Reformation has more off-duty celeb looks to its name than we’ve had hot dinners (and we’ve had a lot of hot dinners): Bella Hadid, Rosie H-W, Margot Robbie and Karlie Kloss are all fans of LA’s answer to the high street. Why such a hit? Well, because of its guilt-free recycled fabrics, eco-friendly packaging and Ref’s very own LA factory, powered by renewable energy. (Not to mention its vintage-look feminine-yet-rock’n’roll designs.) So, why don’t you own any yet? There’s been one rather large issue standing between us and dress heaven – you can’t shop…

HACKER BEHIND BARS The cyber snooper at the centre of the ‘Celebgate’ hack – where private naked pictures of Jennifer Lawrence, Cara D, Kim K, Kate Upton, Rihanna and other A-listers were released online – has been sentenced to 18 months in prison. Ryan Collins, 36, was sentenced for violating the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act. *According to a survey by domain name company Nominet. Photos: Instagram/Emma Watson, Alpha Press, i-images, Getty Images, Press Association, Xposure, Matrix, Reuters ITALY SHAKEN ONCE MORE Another earthquake hit Italy last week, destroying the historic Basilica of St Benedict in Norcia. At least 20 people were injured in the 6.6-magnitude tremor. The country is still reeling after a number of natural disasters this year including the earthquake in August which killed nearly 300. WILL…

As told to Anna Silverman and Anne Pointer. Photos: Getty Images, Eyevine, Ed Alcock/The Guardian The Facebook post was only meant for friends and family. I typed it exactly how I thought Hélène would want it to be. The words came to me on my way back from seeing her at the morgue. After two days of hope and fear searching hospitals in Paris, it was there I’d finally found her. She was as beautiful as when she left for the show on Friday night, as beautiful as when I fell in love with her 13 years ago. For one precious moment, it was like getting her back. Afterwards, as I drove to our son Melvil’s nursery, I decided the men who did this can’t have my hate. If I…

The speechwriter Harvard graduate Sarah Hurwitz has been responsible for Michelle Obama’s pitch-perfect public addresses since 2008, when she moved across from Hillary Clinton’s camp after Barack secured the Democrats’ nomination for President. Of their first meeting, Sarah recalled, ‘She clearly said to me: “OK, this is who I am. This is where I come from. This is my family. These are my values, and this is what I want to talk about at the convention.” I realised then that Michelle Obama knows who she is, and she always knows what she wants to say.’ The stylist Fashion and wardrobe adviser Meredith Koop has been in situ since 2009. Her style has been lauded as ‘ground-breaking’ and ‘iconic’ – and Meredith has worked hard to ensure that Michelle champions new…

Photos: Giuseppe Zanotti Design, Dave Benett THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE KICKED UP THEIR HEELS IN LONDON MODEL BEHAVIOUR WHAT Edward Enninful’s OBE dinner WHERE Mark’s Club, Mayfair WHO Erin O’Connor, Madonna Naomi Campbell was on best behaviour as friend and fashion director Edward Enninful celebrated his OBE. Meanwhile, when Madonna – flouting the strict dress code in head-to-toe leather – asked Kate Moss for a selfie, she was told, ‘I can’t do it.’ If Mossy can’t take a good one, what hope is there for the rest of us? DANCING SHOES WHAT Giuseppe Zanotti store launch WHERE Conduit Street, London WHO Winnie Harlow, Lilah Parsons Lady Mary Charteris and her husband Robbie Furze flew in from LA to DJ at the launch of the Giuseppe Zanotti flagship store. We danced to…

All available at Amazon.co.uk/fashion,Amazon.co.uk/jewelleryboutique and Amazon.co.uk/watches…

Photos: Jason Lloyd-Evans, Marco Vittur. Autograph: marksandspencer.com. Maybelline: superdrug.com. Models Own: modelsownit.com. Nouveau Lashes: nouveaulashes.com. YSL: yslbeauty.co.uk Where we spotted it Behind scenes at Eudon Choi, where spidery lashes were piled on to model eyes by make-up artist Adam de Cruz. Why we loved it Clumpy eye fringe + fresh skin + tinted lips reminds us of Twiggy – always a good thing. This season the look showcased at Dior, Jason Wu and Vivienne Westwood to name a few. Ways to work it ‘Create irregular lashes using the tip of the wand to saturate, and for extra clumps, apply mascara with a cotton bud,’ advises Adam.…

Photos: Marco Vittur, Jason Lloyd-Evans At the A/W ’16 catwalk shows the world’s most revered hairstylists united to bring back the ’20s finger wave. Requiring some impressive comb work and clever use of product, the trend manifested in a multitude of forms. At Stella McCartney Syd Hayes conjured undulating fringes, while at Opening Ceremony Neil Grupp set to work on meandering motions, and over at Marc Jacobs, Guido Palau created tight and glossy ridges. While some looks were beholden to their original decade, others were given a thoroughly modern update by way of lacquered textures and a subtle use of waves. Keen to give it a go? ‘In order to keep it modern, concentrate product on the waves to maintain movement on the lengths. You want it to hold but…

BLACK CHERRY BRULEE Serves 4 Prep time: 5 minutes Cooking time: 20 minutes 200ml double cream 300g thick Greek yogurt (full fat, don’t scrimp on this) 215g can pitted black cherries, drained (reserve 2 tbsp juice/syrup) 1 tbsp creme de cassis, cherry brandy or kirsch liqueur 70g Demerara sugar 1. Whip the cream until it is just past the soft peaks stage (so it’s thick but not quite stiff). Fold it into the yogurt until it’s smooth and well-incorporated. 2. Divide the cherries, the reserved juice and the alcohol between four individual oven/grillproof serving dishes and stir to coat. Top each with the yogurt and cream mixture and scatter over the sugar in an even layer. Place under a hot grill (or use a blowtorch) to toast the sugar until…

Close To The Enemy is an espionage thriller set in 1946. Stephen Poliakoff’s elegant, intriguing and rarely overcooked story takes place in a spooky hotel, The Connington, in war-ravaged London. Callum Ferguson (Jim Sturgess) is the suave, dashing officer for the British military charged with persuading a captive German aeronautical engineer to stay and work with the British. He is given specific instruction to ‘give him the time of his life’, a charm offensive set at awkward tangents by The Connington’s dusty coating of good times long passed and hard ones ahead. The engineer’s daughter, Lotte, begins in full Eleven- from-Stranger-Things-mode – sulky, sullen and silent, clinging to her ratty donkey, before turning into a screeching nightmare. Long shots of suspicious, portly, moustachioed men in shadowy corridors and women smoking…

Photo: Anna Huix  ‘I DON’T KNOW WHAT you’re moaning for,’ my best friend Calum said. ‘So The Yorkshireman isn’t falling all over himself to set up date two? You wouldn’t be interested if he was. Dating is supposed to be psychological warfare.’ “DATING IS EITHER A DANCE OR A HUNT – MAGIC AND MYSTERY ARE KEY. HAD I KILLED THE INTRIGUE BY ASKING HIM OUT?” I’d been waiting three days to hear from The Yorkshireman after I’d texted to see if he wanted to meet again. That’s a lifetime in dating years. Our first date – after I’d cancelled on him three times – was a night that played on my mind as being somehow significant, and so every hour that passed without response felt like failure. Like I’d misremembered…

Photos: Thiemo Sander/Mondadori Photo SCORPIO 24 Oct – 22 Nov You cannot be expected to share every thought or feeling with the person who means most to you. But nor should you make a secret of developments likely to impact both of you. The approaching Full Moon is urging you to raise the matter without skirting around events that might suddenly seem controversial. By being totally honest and transparent, you will increase your chances of achieving a collaborative, fruitful outcome. SAGITTARIUS 23 Nov – 21 Dec Those complaining about a lack of contact with friends or relatives could do a lot to improve the situation. So if they suggest that you come up with a remedy, you’ll want to put the ball back in their court.…

Photos: Rex Features, Alamy, Getty Images ‘I SWORE IF DONALD TRUMP GOT IN, I’D MOVE TO CANADA OR THE UK’ Who is your best friend? My wife Crystal [above]. She’s the one person on the planet I can talk to about anything and everything. She’s the person I know will never judge me. What’s something you regret? One of my biggest mistakes was my fourth album, Libra Scale. I wanted it to be a 30-minute visual album, but it did not go the way that it was supposed to. What is your biggest extravagance? One Father’s Day I went out and bought myself an SLS Mercedes-Benz, the one with doors that come up like wings. It’s honestly the most expensive thing, next to my home of course, that I have…