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Viz

November 2021

Viz has been gracing British newsagents' shelves since 1979. Its irreverent mix of bad language, childish cartoons and sharp satire has seen its creators hauled over the coals by the United Nations, questioned by Scotland Yard's anti-terrorist branch and exhibited in the Tate Gallery. Viz's comic characters, such as the Fat Slags, Sid the Sexist, and Roger Mellie the foul-mouthed Man on the Telly, as well as its hugely popular Top Tips and Profanisaurus sections, are firmly established as national institutions, just like Broadmoor Hospital for the Criminally Insane. *Manufacturer's estimate.

Country:
United Kingdom
Language:
English
Publisher:
Dennis Publishing UK
Frequency:
Monthly
£3
£27
10 Issues

in this issue

15 min
letter bocks

THE PHOTO of Mick Wragg on page 38 of issue 309 is in fact Jack Elam, the well-known American actor who usually played villains in westerns. Don’t forget that old fuckers with long memories like me read your publication. Gypsum Jim, East Leake I WOULDN’T consider myself a vaccine sceptic, but before I had the jab I would often win at least a fiver every time I bought some scratchcards. But since I’ve had my second jab, I’ve bought 20 scratchies and haven’t won a sausage. So there has to be something going on that the government is hiding from us. Graham Flintoft, Gatesheed IMAGINE my disappointment after having recently found out that Michael Bolton never actually played for Bolton. It’s a shame really, as I think he would have made a good centre-half. Dave,…

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2 min
grandmas almost say the funniest things about cocks

DURING the war, my grandma worked in a dildo factory, and naturally, there was some very bawdy humour among the girls on the production line due to the nature of their work. Each member of staff was issued with a phallus-shaped ‘clock card’ which was obviously a source of amusement. After she’d had a few sherries at Christmas, we would ask our grandma to tell us the term that she used for ‘clocking in’ and ‘clocking off. Unfortunately, she had no sense humour at all and simply referred to it as ‘punching in’ and ‘punching out’. Doris Antimony, Leeds MY GRANDMA used to worked for a company that was formed as a result of the merger of two separate local businesses run by Barry Cock and Jimmy Balls. When they merged they…

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1 min
actor required

AN ACTOR IS REQUIRED to stand in for busy parliamentary members who are away performing other unspecified, but important duties. The successful candidate will be required to fail to answer questions on current topics put to them by members of the press. This is a fantastic opportunity to meet television and news presenters including Laura Kuenssberg, Nick Robinson and Katya Adler. The successful candidate will: • Be available for early morning and evening TV and radio interviews.• Be able to laugh on demand at the apparent stupidity of the question asked.• Display controlled exasperation towards their interviewer. No political knowledge is required as a parrot sheet of the single answer to any question will be provided. You will also be provided with a selection of coloured ties as you may be required to…

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2 min
stars of stage and scream!

SUE BARKER, national treasure I don’t usually bother with Trick or Treating. But if I do go, I’ll go as Leatherface out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It’s a right laugh and it shits the local kids up something rotten. I’ll typically cut some eye-holes in a slice of supermarket ham or turkey for the cannibalistic human face mask. Then I’ll chuck on a ketchup-spattered suit and pirouette wildly through the streets, revving a leaf blower and howling psychotically until my neighbours give me sufficient Haribos to make me fuck off. LAURENCE FOX, free speech advocate and twat This October 31st, I’ll be going Trick or Treating as the one thing the PC-crazed liberal elite fear most: a straight white male who dares to speak his mind. The Trotskyite woke mob will scream and…

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3 min
the michael parkinson story

MICHAEL Parkinson was born in the village of Cudworth, near Barnsley, only 200 miles from the birthplace of pop-jazz legend Jamie Cullum. His early life was dominated by his two passions: cricket and jazz, but he often expressed frustration at the lack of crossover between the pop and jazz genres. The world would have to wait a full 50 years for the launch of Jamie Cullum’s genre-defining debut album Heard it all Before. IN THE 1960s, Michael made the switch from print journalism to broadcasting. Working in music radio, he pursued his interest in jazz, though at this point Jamie Cullum was completely unknown to the public due to the fact that he wasn’t born until 1979. Regardless, Michael found many other recording artists in the genre to play on his…

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3 min
firework horror narrowlyaverted

EXPLOSIVE EXCLUSIVE! The show at Tipton Cricket Club was about halfway through when the incident occurred, leaving the crowd, who had paid £2 each and £1 for children, holding their breath. Display organiser Bernie Robespierre had walked over to a large Roman candle in the middle of the cricket field and lit it with a safety lighter held at arm’s length, before retiring to a safe distance. The crowd of around 70 people watched and waited for the firework to burst into life, blasting golden sparks 15 feet into the air, crackling as they rained down to earth. But after 10 seconds nothing had happened. Mr Robespierre, who has organised the display at the cricket ground for the last 30 years, knew that under no circumstances should he return to the firework. “It’s…

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