Globe

up front & personal

LAME BRAINBaywatch hunk ZAC EFRON hobbles back into the spotlight after tearing ligaments in his knee while wiping out on the slopes at SundanceMARCHING ORDERSLove Story’s ALI MACGRAW kicks up her heels in her adopted hometown of Tesuque, N.M.ACTING FLIGHTYUnflappable funnyman — and Los Angeles Football Club co-owner — WILL FERRELL gives falcon mascot OLLY a boost before the soccer team’s season openerSALTY DOGWolverine’s HUGH JACKMAN puts on a trunk show after a dip at Australia’s Bondi BeachEVIL GENIUSMasked Singer judge JENNY MCCARTHY appears to be plotting world dominationCOURTSIDE EATSActress and longtime L.A. Lakers fan DYAN CANNON chows down on greasy snacks at Staples Center…

michael douglas cancer drama!

GAUNT and bony Michael Douglas has lost an estimated 21 pounds in just six weeks, leading medical experts to believe his cancer has come roaring back and pals fearing he’ll be dead in seven months!Recent photos show the shriveling 74-year-old Wall Street star is almost unrecognizable, with his clothes hanging off his thin and frail frame, his skin ravaged and his cheeks sunken pits.“Michael has dropped a tremendous amount of weight in the last few months,” notes a source close to the Oscar winner. “He’s incredibly weak and his face is covered in frightening blotches — common signs of [cancer] treatment.“He is SO gaunt, he almost looks as though he’s already died! Everyone is convinced that his cancer has returned with a vengeance.“His appearance is so frightening, people around him…

martha stewart is peddling pot!

EX-JAILBIRD Martha Stewart is padding her billion-dollar bank account by peddling pot! The 77-year-old domestic guru has partnered with cooking co-star Snoop Dogg and his pals at the weedy Canopy Growth company to develop products containing cannabidiol, or CBD — a chemical extracted from marijuana that’s claimed to treat everything from chronic pain to anxiety to sleep problems.The new marijuana maven — who’s already teamed-up with the notorious pothead on the TV show Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party — is convinced the weed extract is a miraculous cure-all and a profitable way to cash in while helping folks.“Martha is sure that this will be big, big, big,” snitches a friend. “She thinks it will not only help people but animals, too. And she’ll make a bundle on it!”She also…

confused caitlyn wants to be bruce again!

SEX-SWAPPER Caitlyn Jenner was hailed as courageous when she publicly revealed she was becoming a woman, but now, the mixed-up transexual is talking about going back to being Olympic decathlon champ Bruce Jenner, pals say.While buff golden boy Bruce had oodles of gals throwing themselves at him following his Olympic win, Caitlyn’s sex life has been in the toilet since the gender switch, despite public dates with Sophia Hutchins, a 21-year-old transexual who also used to be a guy, sources say.The 69-year-old, who fathered six kids with three wives, is also distraught because she’s enduring agonizing side effects from female hormone treatments — like cramps, upset tummy, bloating and headaches — and has been basically disowned by her family, the sources dish.“She wants to be a man again,” spills an…

queen smacks down defiant meghan!

PRINCE HARRY’S rebel wife, Meghan, is being brought to heel by fed-up Queen Elizabeth, who ordered the pregnant diva to shape up or ship out!An explosive royal decree is forcing the American-born actress to take intense training in royal protocol and British etiquette — and stay out of the limelight until she learns how to act like a proper lady, a high-level palace source tells GLOBE!“Meghan is her own worst enemy,” the source says.“She’s thumbed her nose at royal rules since she wed Harry last May — and the queen’s frankly had enough!“Her Majesty is furious over the latest debacles and has vowed Meghan crossed the line for the last time.“She’s ordered the duchess to stay out of the public eye while she undergoes behavior modification and learns her place.“Elizabeth…

clark gable’s family gone with the wind!

Legend’s late grandson, Clark III, banned from burial plot by dad JohnMOVIE legend CLARK GABLE’s grandson, CLARK GABLE III, is being banned from burial in the family’s plot at Tinseltown’s star-studded Forest Lawn cemetery after the reality TV host’s shocking death at age 30! Now, the dead star of Cheaters’ family is involved in a vicious feud.Clark’s father, JOHN CLARK GABLE, 57, is refusing to pay for his funeral — and snubbed Clark’s sister, KAYLEY, 33, when she called to tell him about the tragedy. Clark, who’d struggled with addiction issues, was found dead in his bed at age 30 by a galpal. He and Kayley were estranged from their dad, who claimed his kids “disgraced” the family name with their behavior.“Cremate him — he’s not going in my family’s…