探索我的图书馆杂志
期刊分类
特色期刊
探索我的图书馆
 / 新闻与政治
VizViz

Viz September 2019

Viz has been gracing British newsagents' shelves since 1979. Its irreverent mix of bad language, childish cartoons and sharp satire has seen its creators hauled over the coals by the United Nations, questioned by Scotland Yard's anti-terrorist branch and exhibited in the Tate Gallery. Viz's comic characters, such as the Fat Slags, Sid the Sexist, and Roger Mellie the foul-mouthed Man on the Telly, as well as its hugely popular Top Tips and Profanisaurus sections, are firmly established as national institutions, just like Broadmoor Hospital for the Criminally Insane. *Manufacturer's estimate.

国家:
United Kingdom
语言:
English
出版商:
Dennis Publishing UK
阅读更多
购买期刊
HK$25.27
订阅
HK$227.39
10 期号

本期

3
deliver us from evil

Dear Justin, I RECENTLY ordered a package off Amazon, but I had to work on the day it was scheduled for delivery. Knowing that God is present in all places at all times, I prayed to Him to ask if He’d mind keeping an ear out for my doorbell and then signing for the parcel when it arrived. However, when I returned home from work, I found only a ‘We called but you were out’ slip on the doormat. If God is truly loving and omnipresent, why did He forsake me? Grenville Space-Vampires, Leicester Justin says: God is indeed loving and omnipresent, so I don’t believe for one second that He did forsake you. What probably happened is that God manifested Himself in your house as requested, and was keeping His divine ear…

16
letter books

I SAW on the news about how we should all be saving bees as they pollinate our food. Yet today I saw dozens of them wasting time pollinating the weeds in my back yard. If they want our help, the least the stripy little fuckers could do is meet us half way. Steve Lloyd, Wadebridge I WAS appalled at the bias of the BBC news the other day, when they announced that the famous racing tipster John McCririck had died. In the interests of balance, they should have immediately had somebody on to put forward the opposite point of view and say that he was still alive. Hampton Pilbeam, Letchworth HAVE you noticed that women football players and pundits talk as much shite as their male counterparts do? There’s equality in the game for…

1
noughts & crosses corner

I WONDER if, in the pressure cooker environment as the game draws to a close, Mr Lawrence has unwittingly revealed his true political intent? In putting his nought in the bottom centre, is he moving away from his staunch left-flank ideology towards a more balanced, central perspective? Or maybe he is a true leftie, and is merely reaching out in an attempt to stay in touch with the masses. Either way, it is interesting to watch. Back to the game, I will place my X in the top right corner. With 2 winning opportunities now for me and only 1 for Mr Lawrence, it doesn’t take a statistical genius to work out who the likely winner is. S Andrews, Bristol I LOVE strategy games and this is up there with the best.…

2
top tips

POSTMEN. Avoid being bitten whilst doing your rounds by simply letting the dog sniff your arse first before opening the gate. John Owens, Glasgow CONVINCE friends and neighbours that you’re middle class by simply holding dinner parties that don’t end up with a scrap in the front garden and the Old Bill being called. Frank Pagga, Newcastle OLD people. Complain how hot it is but do not take your blazer off. Jayne, Pissoff TRICK your friends into thinking you’ve spent the day at Madame Tussaud’s by having your photo taken with Barack Obama, Bruce Springsteen and Tom Cruise. J Dixon, London SATNAV manufacturers. Programming your devices to issue “Make a U-turn” instructions in the voice of Margaret Thatcher will bring cheer to the many British drivers who still hate the old hag. T D Charles, Tur Langton toptips@viz.co.uk OUTDOOR swimming…

2
dave’s top tanning tips

1 START gradually and allow your skin to acclimatise to the sun’s heat a bit at a time. On the first day of your holiday, paint your entire body with Dulux ‘One Coat’ white emulsion paint. On the second day, dilute 9 parts paint with 1 part water, on the third day 8 parts paint to 2 parts water and so on. Wash the paint off at the end of each day in the shower, or if you’ve used an oil-based paint, shower in turps. By the end of the week, you’ll be just like me – as brown as a Chippendale wardrobe! 2 ANOTHER good way to avoid overdoing it is to stay out of the sun between 12 and 2, when it is at its hottest. Why not spend that…

1
are you tanned or sunburnt ?

WE ALL want that deep, sexy, Donald Trump-style suntan, but it’s easy to overdo it and get sunburnt. Find out exactly which state you’re in - tanned or burnt - by answering the questions in this simple questionnaire and totting up your score. 1. How do you usually spend the third day of your holiday? a. Relaxing by the pool, making sure to slap on plenty of Factor 30 every hour or so. b. Sitting on the beach with a big hat on, a coat over your shoulders and a towel covering your shins and the tops of your feet. 2. You are sitting on the beach in your trunks when a beachball kicked by a nearby child bounces off your shoulder. How do you respond? a. You brush the sand off your glossy, mahogany…