Harvard Business Review Special Issues Fall 2016

WE ARE SOCIAL CREATURES. Part of what makes going to work worthwhile is the people we meet and the relationships we form. They make our lives richer. Unfortunately, we also are bound to encounter difficult people who deplete our reserves rather than fill them. Learning how to deal with them effectively is necessary for getting work done and sparing ourselves—and others—angst, resentment, and wasted energy. Recognizing toxic behaviors and personality types is relatively easy. When you repeatedly witness and endure the pain they inflict, patterns start to emerge. The hard part is figuring out what to do next. You may not have much control over others’ conduct, but you can learn to manage your own response. As Christine Porath notes in “An Antidote to Incivility,” the most effective remedy on a…

WHEN A COLLEAGUE is mean to you, it can be hard to know how to respond. Some people are tempted to let aggressive behavior slide in the hopes that the person will stop. Others find themselves fighting back. When a coworker is treating you poorly, how can you change the dynamic? And if the behavior persists or worsens, how do you know when you’re dealing with a true bully? What the Experts Say “When it comes to bad behavior at work, there’s a broad spectrum,” says Michele Woodward, an executive coach and host of HBR’s recent webinar: “Bullies, Jerks, and Other Annoyances: Identify and Defuse the Difficult People at Work.” There are outright bullies on one end, and people who are simply rude on the other. You may not know which end…

I COULD SENSE Jack’s frustration at the start of our call. He seemed particularly charged up about his colleague, Leslie, a peer who was overseeing a team that had interdependencies with his own team. They had been in a cross-functional team meeting earlier in the week when Leslie had shared a set of new parameters and next steps for working with one of their key vendors. Jack was relieved to see that she was finally taking a stronger position. But days later, Jack received an e-mail from Leslie that was now suggesting what he considered to be a different, less favorable path forward. This wasn’t the first time Jack had experienced Leslie “blowing in the wind” or flip-flopping on a decision. He found himself questioning her overall integrity, consistency, and authenticity.…

YOUR COLLEAGUE says one thing in a meeting but then does another. He passes you in the hallway without saying hello and talks over you in meetings. But when you ask to speak with him about it, he insists that everything’s fine and the problem is all in your head. Argh! It’s so frustrating to work with someone who is acting passive-aggressively. Do you address the behavior directly, or try to ignore it? How can you get to the core issue when your colleague pretends that nothing’s going on? What the Experts Say It’s not uncommon for colleagues to occasionally make passive-aggressive remarks to one another over particularly sensitive issues or when they feel they can’t be direct. “We’re all guilty of doing it once in a while,” says Amy Jen Su,…

WHENEVER WE’RE WORKING CLOSELY with other people, it’s easy for tensions to arise thanks to differences in personal styles and priorities. When they do, we have a choice: Should we raise the issues, or keep quiet? Many of us bite our tongue, worrying that speaking up will harm an important relationship. But research suggests that letting an issue simmer can make things worse, for several reasons. When we’re stressed, our brain mounts a defensive “fight, flight, or freeze” response, during which there’s reduced activity in areas of the brain. And trying to suppress our irritation can make our brain’s defensive response more pronounced rather than less. So chanting “I’m fine” repeatedly is unlikely to get us back onto an even keel. Our supposedly hidden emotions are also strangely contagious. Psychologists have found…

THE INSUFFERABLE coworker. The abusive boss. When it comes to conflict in the workplace, we tend to think that people are the problem. This idea has some truth. From differing values and backgrounds to personal insecurities, individual characteristics are often an important source of conflict. However, by focusing on individuals and their personality traits, we ignore a crucial ingredient in the conflict cocktail: one’s structural position in the organization. Our recent research has begun to shed light on this often-overlooked source of interpersonal conflict. In a set of studies that included surveys, a field study in a large federal agency, and controlled experiments, we found that employees who occupied positions that lack respect and admiration in the eyes of others (for example, they lack status) but who simultaneously control important resources (for…