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The PictureThe Picture

The Picture

Issue 1924

The Picture is an Australian men’s magazine aimed at the average bloke. It’s full of local stories, nude women, puzzles, prizes and jokes.

Bauer Media Pty Ltd
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26 Números


1 min.
oh my goth!

WE’LL say this about the goth look – it’s DEAD sexy! Arf arf arf! Especially when it’s combined with huge and very PALE boobs like those of our new Pommy bestest mate Jenna Valentine. We conducted a quick séance with her and here’s what she had to say. We love your look, Jenna – spooky but very horny. Are you really a creature of the night? “Oh wow, thank you! I’m actually the opposite. I wake up early and go to bed early. I love sleeping SO much. Sleeping is pretty goth, though, because you’re temporarily dead for eight to ten hours at a time.” Goth enough for us. Have you ever had sex in a graveyard? “Yes, many years ago when I was a bad teenager and use to go to the graveyard with…

2 min.
double o heaven

AUSSIE porn star Savannah Bond is on the rise, just as we’re about to fall off the twig. Ships that pass in the night and all that. We only knew her briefly, but that’s the way it goes. Sob! Nevertheless, the mamnificent Melbournite took time out of her busy schtupping schedule in the USA to have a yack with us. What’s the best thing about your job, Savannah? “Being able to express myself through an industry I’m passionate about, creating beautiful entertainment and being an empowered free human!” Hooray for you! What’s your fave scene you’ve shot so far? “I honestly can’t decide. All of them are amazing and unique experiences. But one does stand out in my mind – it was filming in a Tesla with the doors up while being driven around downtown LA…

1 min.
wobbly world

KOH PANGHAN! Russian model Koika was on the Thai island for the famous monthly full moon party, which she celebrated by getting naked and rolling in the sand. Hooray! LOS ANGELES! Ever since she broke up with Liam Hemsworth, Miley Cyrus has been getting out there on the dating scene. This might be her new pic on Tinder. Swipe right. BERLIN! Lotta, from Ukraine, insists on lots of fresh fruit and veg wherever she goes. You might say it goes right to her head. LONDON! Pommy model Charlotte Springer likes balls that are fluffy and yellow. So if you’ve got jaundice and don’t shave your pubes, give her a call. LOS ANGELES How did Marina, a model from Czech republic, wind up naked hitching a ride in northern USA? Must’ve been a helluva party! HOLLYWOOD! Model, singer and actor Sela Vave…

2 min.
news flash

DON’T MENTION THE WAR POMMY reality TV fuckwit Freddie Bentley reckons teaching kids about World War II in school is too “intense”. In a teev interview Fred, 22, said he wished he’d learned less about the war ’cos: “Like, mentally, mental health, to be told this certain amount of people died for you, I just learned as a child, it’s so intense.” Fred’s profession is listed as “Instagram influencer”. That tells you all you need to know, really. WHERE’S MY WEED? SOME stoner in Florida keeps ringing the cops to tell them his stash has been ripped off, and they really wish he’d stop. Police in Pasco County reckon the bloke was upset that his room-mate had nicked his weed and he wanted something done about it. So he rang them. Again and…

1 min.
it’s a dangerous world

WARNING! Nobody likes beardy hipsters, so any accidental loss of treasured facial hair will be seen as hilarious. WARNING! Hurdles are for jumping OVER. Going UNDER may cause loss of teeth. WARNING! Wrestling against proctologists can lead to anal stretching. Please use protective cork provided. WARNING! Damages incurred when stopping runaway trams with police cars will be deducted from officer’s pay. WARNING! Randy stallions can’t resist new ‘Stud’ cologne, so use sparingly. WARNING! Trains have right-of-way on level crossing – ’cos they’re BIGGER! WARNING! Teasing large, angry bovines with cape may result in severe rectal bleeding. WARNING! Tongue-kissing bear may result in loss of face and sexual harassment charges.…

2 min.
the picture saves the world! ( again )

SAVE the planet? Yeah, seems like a good idea. After all, that’s where all the GOOD PUBS ARE. So ever since Swedish schoolgirl activist Greta Thunberg told us what FUCKWITS we were, we’ve been working on ways to lift our game, climate change-wise. We figured the best way to do it would be to bring nude spunks into the mix. They always make everything better. And if nude spunks are doing it, soon every bloke in the world will want to do it too, and next thing you know, the world will be safe again and we can all get BACK ON THE PISS. Hooray! SHOWER IN WATERFALLS Saves water, plus you don’t have to clean ya pubes outta the plughole. TAKE THE TRAIN Good for the environment, and the chunka-chunka rhythm gets the babes wetter…