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VizViz

Viz

May 2019

Viz has been gracing British newsagents' shelves since 1979. Its irreverent mix of bad language, childish cartoons and sharp satire has seen its creators hauled over the coals by the United Nations, questioned by Scotland Yard's anti-terrorist branch and exhibited in the Tate Gallery. Viz's comic characters, such as the Fat Slags, Sid the Sexist, and Roger Mellie the foul-mouthed Man on the Telly, as well as its hugely popular Top Tips and Profanisaurus sections, are firmly established as national institutions, just like Broadmoor Hospital for the Criminally Insane. *Manufacturer's estimate.

País:
United Kingdom
Idioma:
English
Editor:
Dennis Publishing UK
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USD29.33
10 Números

EN ESTE NÚMERO

access_time1 min.
star letter

HOW come, when lion cubs grow up a bit and go off on their own, they don’t recognise their brothers and sisters when they meet them a couple of years later and end up scrapping like fuck? Our kid was banged away for twenty years, and I recognised him as soon as he got out. Alright, we had a scrap too, but that’s irrelevant. Stan Pastry, Goole …

access_time14 min.
letter bocks

I LOVE Hot Cross Buns at Easter. But if they changed the name to Hot Cross Arseholes, it would put me right off them.So come on, bakers, please don’t change our buns! Alex Du Singe, Lincoln IT’S ridiculous how much these Premier League football players get paid. When I was at primary school, our matches only lasted 30 minutes and results like 12-2 and 8-6 were not uncommon; I even remember one match resulting in an impressive 23-14 victory. Those games were far better value than the boring 1-0 results you regularly get in the Premier League. Let’s start broadcasting school matches instead, and pay the kids what they are worth. Arthur Shitface, Kettering SO much for the Oscars rewarding the best actors. Every…

access_time1 min.
top tips

EMPTY paracetamol blister packs make ideal cryogenic freezing chambers for ants. Aspirin packaging can be used for more circular insects, such as ladybirds. Magnus Mbanu, Cambridge ALWAYS swallow chewing gum so that in the event of you sharting, your arse will blow a bubble that will contain the expelled excrement. Possibly. John Owens, Glasgow REMEMBER the year you were born by converting it to a time on the 24-hour clock and committing this time to memory. Then when you need your birth year, simply convert this time back into the normal notation. For example, if you were born in 1958, remember two minutes to eight at night. Anyone born between 1960 and 1999 should simply subtract 60 from the year they were born before converting…

access_time1 min.
noughts & crosses corner

I WOULD like to deploy my next nought in the middle row, left hand side square, which is the box numbered 4 on the international long distance noughts and crosses matchplay board. As regular viewers of televised matches will be aware, this aggressive flank-based tactic is referred to as a “leading edge” by match commentators. Anyone who has seen me play before no doubt saw this move coming from the moment my first nought was placed in box 1. Nick Lawrence, Oxford AS an American, I must exhaustedly point out that, once again, the Brits have gotten it wrong. The game Noughts and Crosses is, in fact, called Tic-Tac-Toe. It’s no wonder you lost the Revolutionary War. Also, and more importantly, I must agree with Mr Merkin…

access_time1 min.
top tips

LADS. When undressing to be intimate with your partner, remove your boxers by gently sliding two fingers behind the waistband on each side, applying just enough outward force to allow them to fall to your feet in a dramatic, sexy flourish. Tom Caudwell, London OUT of fennel? Simply wrap some aniseed balls in a cabbage leaf as an effective substitute. Rick Riley, Manchester AVOID sniffing magazine cologne samples while on the toilet, as it is unlikely to deliver the base notes and subtle undertones intended by the manufacturer. Kendall Hardacre, Perth SEVERAL crabsticks glued together make an ideal high-protein, low-carb alternative to a stick of rock when you visit the seaside. Be sure to keep a red biro handy so you can write…

access_time2 min.
small for a day?

EVERY LANKY A-Lister has imagined what it would be like to be pint-sized - even if just for 24 hours. We rounded up four of our fave celebrity beanpoles and asked them how THEY would spend the day if they found themselves temporarily short-arsed... Dan Snow, tall historian WOULD use my 24 hours of smallness to develop a Napoleon Complex, thus gaining valuable insight into the mind of history’s most fascinating figure. As soon as I woke up inexplicably pint-sized, I would head straight out and buy a big semicircular hat and some epaulets. Then I would wander the streets taking notes on how my diminutive stature made me feel overly aggressive and keen to invade Russia. When I sprouted back up to 6’ 5”…

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