OBJECTIVE
“To secure a position as a front office.”
EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
Last job: “Drove a toe truck.”
Before that: “Worked in the dessert.”
And before that: “Oversaw all new corporate accusations.” “Responsibilities included recruiting, interviewing, and executing final candidates.”
And before that one: “Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.”
SKILLS
“Perfectionist with a keen I for details.”
“Being bilingual in 3 languages.”
“Natural born larder.”
REFERENCES
“Clare.”
COMPENSATION
“Current salary: $36,000. Salary desired: $223,000.”
INTERESTS
“I enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians.”
“My three biggest hobbies are cars, racquetball, golf, and reading.”
“I like doughnuts, cupcakes, chocolate, and ice cream. Together.”
“Honestly, I like doing nothing.”
EDUCATION
“Graduated in 2911.”
—ROBERTHALF.COM, ALMAGRETA.COM, COBURGBANKS.CO.UK, ARCHIVE.FORTUNE.COM…