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Esquire February 2016

Esquire is a funny, informative, connected magazine that covers the interests of American men—all the interests of the American man: Politics, style, advice, women, health, eating and drinking, the most interesting people of our time. All that and it’s the most-honored monthly magazine in history.

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access_time5 min.
donald trump is making me a hypocrite

I’ve always distrusted people who never question their assumptions or test their opinions against their critics’ arguments. I believe empathy is the starting point of wisdom, and imagining things from an opponent’s point of view is essential to solving problems in a closely divided polity. ¶ Yet on the subject of Donald Trump, my mind is closed. Slammed shut. Triplebolted. Sealed like a tomb. ¶ Nothing anyone could reveal about Trump could get me to change my opinion that he’s an asshole. And not a “yeah, but he’s our asshole” kind but rather a cartoon villain, a fake, a cheat, a liar, a creep, a bullying, bragging, bullshitting, blowhard kind of asshole. Mark Salter is a former longtime aide to Senator John McCain and a veteran of two presidential campaigns. There have…

access_time3 min.
where all this anger comes from

Donald Trump hasturned out to be a useful tool. He has stymied—at least for the early part of the Republican presidential sweepstakes—the effect of Citizens United, which flooded our politics with money from oligarchs eager to buy government leaders. But even more usefully, he has forced a wide range of political figures to admit that tolerance is a crucial part of our national makeup. “Trump! Fomenting Tolerance 2016!” That is quite the accomplishment at a time when one of our two political parties is pretty much bent on divisiveness and cultural warfare as its strategy for capturing the White House. I don’t think Donald has any real idea of the effect he’s having on the country beyond the cheering crowds and the newspaper headlines. But, for him, that’s plenty. He’s an…

access_time13 min.
the es q&a: donald trump

FIRST TIME I SEE HIS face in real life, Trump’s on the move at his Trump Tower headquarters, heading down a hall of mirrors to get his Esquire photo taken. He stops to size me up from 10 or 15 feet away. “Nice-looking guy!” Thank you, sir. His press secretary tells him my name is Scott. “Hi, how are you?” Trump says. “Nice to see you.” And you. But he’s gone, down the hall. Me, I’m thinking about Larry David’s old standup bit: “You know, if he’d given me a compliment, Josef Mengele and I could have been friends—‘Larry, your hair looks very good today.’ Really? Thank you, Dr. Mengele!” UH-OH: I WENT FULL death-camp Nazi there. Why not? That very morning’s Times was shrieking about Trump’s “racist lies” and comparing him to Joe McCarthy and George Wallace,…

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what esquire is . . . drinking

Boatyard Brewing Co., Kalamazoo, Michigan: It was 4:45 p. m. on Friday, and everyone in the bar seemed to know one another. The Standard-Oilfuel-depot-turned-estimable-brewery on the shitty side of town was standing-room only in honor of the Dow Family, an earnest middle-aged man and four dour children playing fiddle, Irish bouzouki, harp, dulcimer. The crowd, drunk on Gaelic harmony and 9.8 percent ABV One Legged Pilot Russian Imperial Stout and seven different kinds of sloppy joes, knew all the words. Or slurred shouts that sounded as good as any chorus, to our ears at least. boatyardbrewing.com…

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the dossier: donald j. trump

Date of birth: June 14, 1946 Which makes him: 69 Hometown: Queens, New York Net worth: $4.5 billion Homes owned: At least four: New York; Bedford, New York; Palm Beach, Florida; Beverly Hills Not including: Golf clubs, luxury hotels, a winery Childhood mantra: “Be a killer.” Instilled in him by: His father Childhood temperament: “Extremely rebellious” According to: His sister Which is why he was sent to: The New York Military Academy in eighth grade Where he was: “The best baseball player in New York” According to: Himself Signature attributes: Pronunciation of huge; “Blue Steel”–esque pout; constant use of superlatives; orange comb-over Claims a lifelong abstinence from: Alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes Despite which: He launched the “superpremium” Trump Vodka in 2006. Which ceased production in: 2010 Nickname: The Donald Given to him by: His first wife, Czech skier and model Ivana Subsequent wives: Marla Maples, actress; Melania Trump, former…

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emmy rossum

Four Things You Don’t Know About Emmy Rossum’s Dog Gleaned from her three appearances in Esquire (see left): 1. His name is Cinnamon. 2. He is a Yorkie. 3. A well-endowed Yorkie. 4. If you happen to find yourself dating Emmy Rossum and are “not into him, that relationship could not continue.” 1. Any name with more than eight letters is just a noose around our neckÑI know this because my real name is Emmanuelle. But before giving us a nickname, just ask, ÒCan I call you E Dawg?Ó 2. The answer is ÒNo.Ó 3. We’re interfering because we mean well. There’s an alley behind my gym, and I kept seeing these two cats there. I started leaving bowls of food with the idea that I would befriend the cats and take them to…