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Cosmopolitan

ASK HIM ANYTHING

Not a sweet dream!

My fiancé told me he dreamt that he called off our wedding, and now I’m freaking out. Is that what he truly wants?

A_ Don’t worry. As the Notorious B.I.G. rapped, “It was all a dream.” The stress of planning a wedding is probably making him feel anxious, which can manifest in his subconscious. But anxiety does not equal confusion about his feelings for or commitment to you. If it helps, ask him where he thinks the reverie came from, and tell him how it made you feel.

I love hanging out with my gorgeous gay BFF, but I always wonder, Do other men assume we’re a couple? And if so, how do I correct this?

A_ Yep, some will think you’re dating. To clear up any possible misunderstanding, you could wear a flashing LED sign around your neck that reads, “Don’t worry! He’s gay, and I am single and ready to mingle!” Or you can simply hang with your best friend like nobody is watching. It’s 2018. Women and men who are straight, gay, or otherwise can be friends. And if you bump into a hot straight guy when you’re with your bestie, you can always drop a super-clear hint like “Can I buy you a drink?”

Why are guys so afraid of talking on the phone?

A_ Most aren’t! They are just lazy and think it’s easier to text. That way, they can chat with you without having to leave the noisy bar they’re in or miss part of the game they’re watching. But for some, there are nerves involved. Once a guy gets used to editing himself and keeping conversations simple via text, it can feel riskier to be on the phone. Some worry they’ll come off sounding stupid. To get a phone-shy guy to call, make it easy by texting a casual request with a short time limit: “Hey, do you have 10 minutes to catch up on the phone?”

Live in the moment! Stop worrying about what other dudes think.

What’s a rom-com that most men secretly love? There has to be one!

A_ As long as there’s more comedy than romance, we actually like lots of them: from Say Anything… and High Fidelity to The 40-Year-Old Virgin, 50 First Dates, and The Five-Year Engagement. My surefire recommendation? On your next date night, tell your guy you want to watch The Big Sick, a 2017 flick starring Kumail Nanjiani and Zoe Kazan. It’s an instant comedy classic. Of course, it’s a romantic hit too, but he doesn’t need to know that beforehand.

What do most males think about during sex?

A_ Speaking for myself and the friends I asked, I can say: not much! I suppose we’re just feeling too good to actively think about much of anything. Some thoughts that may spontaneously pop up: How’d I get so lucky? Does she like that? Does she like this? Do I like that? Is she about to orgasm? Am I? Beyond that, the only time we purposefully have a coherent thought is when we’re trying not to climax: Think of sports, think of nothing, don’t come yet, don’t come yet, don’t come yet….You get the idea.

I accidentally farted in front of my hookup buddy, and I am totally mortified! Do I crawl into a hole somewhere?

A_ It’s not a huge deal, but smelling your stinky toots isn’t exactly a turn-on for most guys. (Wouldn’t you be a little worried if it were?) Your FWB may not have liked that you let one rip in front of him, but he can’t get that upset. He knows that it could’ve happened to him too. After you cut the cheese, cut the tension with a quick joke—“Well, that’s embarrassing!”—and then change the subject even more quickly.

I like to take things slow. How do I go about it in a way that my new guy won’t interpret as a sign of disinterest?

A_ You’re right. If they’re used to fast-moving flings, guys do get insecure or doubtful if a woman takes a relationship slowly. Since we also can’t read your mind, you should explain what works for you. Approach it like the highway patrol: If you want people to move slowly, post a speed limit. Start with, “I had a great time tonight, and I’d love to see you again. But just so you know, I like to take things slowly.”

Logan Hill has dated around, hooked up, grown up, screwed up, and settled down, so he knows what he’s talking about. See more of his insightful answers to your love dilemmas at Cosmopolitan.com.

JENNIFER LIVINGSTON/TRUNK ARCHIVE. GETTY IMAGES. THESE ARE PROFESSIONAL MODELS AND USED FOR ILLUSTRATIVE PURPOSES ONLY.

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