New Zealand Listener Issue 8 2019

When a nation’s flagship housing policy is such a spectacular failure that it makes the New York Times, the minister in charge cannot avoid the international embarrassment. This is the position Housing Minister Phil Twyford now finds himself in. Having arrogantly sneered at all those who dared question his strategy and timetable, he has failed to deliver on the very thing New Zealanders care most about – the urgent need for a solution to our housing crisis. This policy was central to Labour’s pitch to voters at the last election. The failure to deliver 1000 KiwiBuild homes by July – so far only 47 have been completed – is the definition of a broken promise, ameliorated only by the likelihood that few truly believed the Government would keep its word in…

Scientific understanding of diet and cholesterol effects continues to change (“How low should we go?”, February 9). Thus we have many authorities claiming that cholesterol levels influence mortality rates, whereas the rest say “we’re not sure”. The more the experts attempt to explore the causes of death, the more complicated it gets. Research shows that most of us are going to die from a heart attack, stroke or cancer. But having family who lived to a ripe old age is a significant contributing factor, and being Italian or Japanese helps as well. The best medicine for living to a ripe old age is genetics and lifestyle. James Reardon (Waiuku) Recommendations such as increased screening for cholesterol and lower thresholds for the prescription of a lifetime of medication exude the chemical stench of Big Pharma. Imagine…

Rex McGregor, Auckland FINALISTS Theresa May: “Right’s so much more comfortable, don’t you think?” – Clarke Isaacs, Dunedin Jacinda Ardern: “Of course we’ll take the UK as a New Zealand colony.” – Kaylene Wright, Hamilton May: “Macron taught me: you put your thumb right over the top and then squeeze as hard as you can.” – Miranda Struthers, Wellington May: “Don’t forget to fasten your seat belt when the Duke drives you back.” – Ray Moore, Tauranga John Key, from the side: “A handshake? Wait for me!” – Leoni Bucket, Lake Hayes May: “Deal. The loser gets chauffeured home by Prince Philip.” – Tim Cross, Nelson Ardern: “For goodness’ sake, Theresa, get a grip!” – Steve Godsiff, Timaru May: “It’s a deal – you take Jeremy and I’ll take Winston.” – Alan Petrie, Te Anau Ardern: “May the farce be with…

“I thought I’d met posh people before I came here, but I’d actually just met people who eat olives.” – UK Labour MP Jess Phillips addresses the House of Commons “Giving money and power to government is like giving whisky and car keys to teenage boys.” – PJ O’Rourke “Why was Kate Hawkesby complaining that Neve Gayford-Ardern was at the Labour caucus retreat, but she’s never said a word about National bringing Simeon Brown to its events?” – comedian Chris Ingham “I heard experts say that during a polar vortex, you shouldn’t leave items like beer, eggs and medicine in your car. Thought if that’s what you’re keeping in your car, the polar vortex is the least of your problems.” – US comedian Jimmy Fallon “The camera records facts but the artist records the…

Southerly front sweeps south Press, 24/1/19 Job available part-time We are looking for a deep fried worker. Please inquire inside … Wellsford shop window sign Expressway coming along Hamilton News, 5/10/18 Kapiti Gospel Choir invites you to join them for some good old traditional singing. No experience, no audition, no music, all faiths and none welcome. Kapiti News, 14/11/18 While in prison, Immigration Minister Iain Lees-Galloway granted him permanent residency. Sunday Star-Times, 4/11/18 “It’s about making pieces for the moments in ladies’ lives. I am so lucky that my clothes get to be apart of so many special moments.” Indulge, 13/10/18 NZTA is working closely with the contractor to determine the root cause of the rutting in Ngaruawahia … Waikato Times, 9/11/18 LIFE IN NEW ZEALAND: Entries must describe New Zealand events. The first sender of those accepted will receive a $5 Booksellers voucher.…

1. Which of these Kiwi bands did not include Don McGlashan? ❑ The Mockers ❑ The Front Lawn ❑ The Mutton Birds ❑ Blam Blam Blam 2. True or false? Blue whales have a natural predator (other than humans). ❑ True ❑ False 3. Which of these substances was formerly nicknamed “inheritance powder”? ❑ Cocaine ❑ Asbestos ❑ Talcum ❑ Arsenic 4. Which brand formerly used the catchphrase “I can’t believe I ate that whole thing”? ❑ Tegel ❑ Alka-Seltzer❑ Pizza Hut ❑ Metamucil 5. True or false? A coin flip can have two possible outcomes. ❑ True ❑ False 6. Which of these was once widely sought-after by alchemists? ❑ Seer stone ❑ Thunderstone ❑ Stone of Scone ❑ Philosopher’s stone 7. Which film was promoted with the tagline “This is the weekend they didn’t play golf.” ❑ Trainspotting ❑ Braveheart ❑…