New Zealand Listener Issue 44 2021

New Zealand Listener is the country’s most respected general interest magazine, bringing you a wide variety of news, stories, columns, reviews, plus TV listings, every week.

New Zealand
Are Media Pty Limited
52 Issues

in this issue

3 min
locked out

Part of the Kiwi urge to travel is underpinned by knowing that you’ll always be welcomed home. I don’t feel very welcome right now. To compensate, I have started reading the Listener. I’m trying to get some of the connection with New Zealand I have been locked out of for the past 18 months. In Bill Ralston’s columns on the Covid situation, he often mentions the 25,000 citizens trying to get home to visit whānau. Believe me, the number is much higher. There are about one million of us living overseas. I’ve met some who don’t go back home, but many of us like to go back on a regular basis. It is a strange life living in a country you didn’t grow up in. Home is a word I often think about.…

11 min
one night in gourock

In 1968, the Bay Hotel in Gourock, Scotland, was a popular watering hole for a diverse group. US submariners from Holy Loch, across the Firth of Clyde; Australian sailors building submarines further up the river in Greenock; and local lassies, attracted by these free-spending foreigners, all guzzled copious quantities of booze at the large public bar. As “assistant manager”, I was required to do everything from shovelling coal for the heating and buying booze for the three bars to working as the night porter once a week. One night, my job was doorman/ticket seller for the public bar on a “Folk Night Wednesday”. The room was heaving, with a trio of musicians on the small stage keeping the well-oiled audience entertained. The bar was rapidly running out of the 80 dozen crates…

1 min
caption competition

WINNING CAPTION Gavin Jack, Waiheke Island FINALISTS Boris Johnson: “But the main course will be our cooked goose.” – Warren Shaw, MartonPriti Patel: “Another one of your half-baked ideas, Boris?” – John Edgar, ChristchurchJohnson: “To quote Marie Antoinette, let them eat cake.” – Joe Shannon, DruryJohnson: “Eton mess – whipped whites and old fruit past the use-by date.” Patel: “That’s pudding it mildly.” – Ann Neale, NelsonJohnson: “If the electorate can swallow this, they’ll swallow anything!” – Mike Hamblyn, DunedinJohnson: “Forget Eton mess. This is my Brexit mess.” – Richard Laimbeer, DunedinCaption: Johnson’s plans for UK recovery turn to custard. – Vic Evans, NelsonPatel: “As usual, Boris, you’ve failed to prove it.” – Bob Richardson, Christchurch…

1 min
quips & quotes

“It’s like watching an open-mic night at the senior centre.” – Seth Meyers on Donald Trump’s latest Iowa rally“At the very least, though, be more original with your hatred. I mean black people having big lips? Seriously, dude? If you’re going to be racist, at least think of something new.” – Trevor Noah speaks on Jon Gruden’s resignation following his leaked emails appearing in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal.“The three ages of man: youth, middle-aged and, ‘My word, you do look well.’” – actress June Whitfield“I’m playing guitar in Don McGlashan’s band. Well, I’m not playing guitar in Don’s band, because the tour next month has been postponed. I don’t expect much sympathy, because we’re neither Queenstown moteliers nor running a fine-dining restaurant on the Auckland waterfront.”…

1 min
10 quick questions

1. Which of these styles of pizza is baked in rectangular trays and has a thick crust? ❑ Chicago style ❑ New York style ❑ Detroit style ❑ Greek style 2. Which of these creatures is an amphibian? ❑ Electric eel ❑ Skink ❑ Salamander ❑ Gecko 3. Which city is Pakistan’s capital and seat of government? ❑ Islamabad ❑ Karachi ❑ Rawalpindi ❑ Lahore 4. True or false? Geese can be used as reliable guard animals. ❑ True ❑ False 5. Who wrote a renowned poem that begins: “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked”? ❑ Sylvia Plath ❑ Allen Ginsberg ❑ William Blake ❑ Emily Dickinson 6. Which film is set in and around a fictional skyscraper called Nakatomi Plaza? ❑ High-Rise ❑ Ghostbusters ❑ The Towering Inferno ❑ Die Hard 7. Which of these innovations in food technology is the oldest? ❑ Electric refrigeration ❑ Canned food ❑ Pre-sliced bread ❑ Tetra…

3 min
brightest and best?

With the notable exception of the indigenous people whose land we stole the moment we set foot on the continent, we don’t revere our elders much in the United States. Old people, a club whose marketing materials fill my inbox with increasing and annoying frequency, struggle here to remain relevant. We respond by shuttling them into group-living situations that are astonishingly expensive given how poorly we pay their caregivers. Senior citizens get perfunctory discounts for activities they used to enjoy but that now can kill them, such as going to the movies, eating inside at a restaurant and travelling. They’re eligible for meagre payments from Social Security, which is constantly in danger of going broke, and for government-sponsored Medicare, an impossibly complicated healthcare programme. And even with our current dire labour shortage,…