New Zealand Listener Issue 12 2018

We had dared to hope he wouldn’t get around to it, but US President Donald Trump has just repeated his promise to weaponise American tariff barriers. His threat of a 25% impost on imported steel and 10% on aluminium is, at this point, not official, but it has raised the possibility of a prosperity-stifling global trade war, rattled the world and prompted talk of a backlash. The US has huge trade deficits not only with China – now at NZ$18.2 billion – but also with large trading blocs including the European Union. At the mention of tariffs, the latter has threatened retaliatory moves on flagship American products such as bourbon whiskey, Harley-Davidson motorbikes and Levi’s jeans. In response, Trump is threatening European carmakers with a tax on imports. Meanwhile, China is considering…

FIND US ONLINE VISIT US ONLINE FOR EXTRA CONTENT AND DAILY UPDATES • noted.co.nz/the-listener • twitter.com/nzlistener • facebook.com/nzlistener The March 10 Editorial touched on many interesting cultural differences. A growing number of immigrants, tourists and political delegations are setting foot on these shores, often with little knowledge of our cultural norms. Surely it behoves all these visitors to do a little homework and endeavour to follow New Zealand’s accepted and unaccepted practices. Littering our countryside is unacceptable. Using our bush as a toilet is unacceptable. Abusing anyone – man, woman or child – is unacceptable. Swimming, eating, or sitting in school with another gender is acceptable. Wearing light clothing that suits the weather is acceptable. Shaking hands with anyone of any gender is acceptable. And so on. When I visit another country, I always try to respect its…

WINNING CAPTION Trish Bishop, Hamilton FINALISTS Barnaby Joyce: “My dad’s bad advice was, ‘Always keep your hat on and you’ll never get a girl in trouble.’” – Sue Quinlivan, Darfield Joyce: “Mate, if I’d had a cork, I wouldn’t have hung it off my hat.” – Alan Belcher, Rolleston Joyce: “As Natalie always said – if the hat fits, wear it.” – Mike Lynch, Upper Hutt Joyce, “What’s under my hat? A midlife crisis.” – Paul Kelly, Palmerston North Joyce: “So it turns out wearing this hat is the second-most embarrassing thing I have done.” – Andy Gillespie, Paterangi Joyce: “A discreet position in Foreign Affairs? Nah, mate, been there, done that.” – Tommy Kapai, Tauranga Joyce: “Sadly, I wasn’t able to keep everything under my hat.” – Roger Reeves, Palmerston North Joyce: “In God’s plan, go forth and multiply…

“I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans-free.” – Dan Walsh with an Edinburgh Festival joke of the year “A new study claims that nearly a third of Uber drivers are actually losing money on the job. Even worse, this study gives Uber drivers yet another conversation starter.” – US talk-show host James Corden “Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” – Eric Hoffer, quoted in the Week “Thanks to Guillermo del Toro, we will always remember this year as the year men screwed up so badly, women started dating fish.” – US comedian Jimmy Kimmel “Here’s how clueless Hollywood is about women: we made a movie called What Women Want, and it starred Mel Gibson.” – Jimmy Kimmel “Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.” – Douglas Adams, quoted…

Delirious for days, a hospital dentist pulled all her teeth out, leaving her with a mouth full of dentures. Dominion Post, 20/1/18 On a sunny day, it was common to find 30 people trying to hook a kahawai or a kingfish there, as well as a similar number of swimmers. Dominion Post, 10/1/18 It’s now even easier to get help to Quit Smoking at your Pharmacy Unichem Life mailer, January 2018 After spending more than a quarter of a century on long term loan to Auckland Art Gallery Toi o Tāmaki, Dame Kiri Te Kanawa has instructed International Art Centre to sell works from her personal collection. Gallery website, February 2018 If you’re dating a vegan, bring them here; they’ll be impressed by your thoughtfulness and hopefully later will show their appreciation by taking you home and making…

1. True or false? Vatican City issues its own passports to citizens. ❑ True ❑ False 2. Which organisation was founded by Robert Baden-Powell? ❑ Red Cross ❑ Lions Clubs ❑ Scout Association ❑ The Shriners 3. Which of these sports features the fastest-moving objects? ❑ Golf ❑ Badminton ❑ Ice hockey ❑ Squash 4. True or false? Some animals (other than humans) keep slaves. ❑ True ❑ False 5. Which monarch is said to have died after eating “a surfeit of lampreys”? ❑ Henry I ❑ Louis XIV ❑ Elizabeth I ❑ Henry VIII 6. Which of these species has matriarchal societies, with females larger than the males? ❑ African leopards ❑ Cheetahs ❑ Spotted hyenas ❑ African wild dogs 7. What kind of job did Queen Elizabeth II have in the Auxiliary Territorial Service during World War II? ❑ Anti-aircraft gunner ❑ Stenographer ❑ Searchlight operator ❑ Mechanic and driver 8. Coined in the magazine Private Eye, what is…