New Zealand Listener Issue 12, 2023

Four years have passed since the Christchurch terror attacks shattered our complacency about extremism in Aotearoa New Zealand. We were awakened to the reality that there are extremists who see our society as fundamentally corrupt and irredeemably polarised between “us” and “them”. Since then, we have endured a global pandemic that has radicalised a small but vocal minority. For this hyper-vocal few, it was a “plandemic” – a deliberate apocalypse where vaccines and public health measures enabled a planned genocide to facilitate an evil new world order. While most were shocked at the conspiratorial language and imagery, it all made sense for those lost down rabbit holes. They also knew who to blame: politicians, the experts advising them, the media, the judiciary, the police and even the vaccinated. Those radicalised saw their…

WINNING CAPTION A. Neale, Nelson FINALISTS The breeders’ association is very pleased with its programme, which has resulted in a bulldog that not only chases cars but catches them as well. – Bernard Harris, Palmerston North Blue: “Great to feel the wind in my mouth.” – Brian Gore, Tauranga Who said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? – Marie Curran, Dunedin Blue: “Coach told me not to dribble on court and hold up play.” – Mavis Irik, Lower Hutt Police remind party-goers to exercise common sense when choosing a designated driver. – Bob Richardson, Christchurch Caption Competition {listenercaption@aremedia.co.nz} TO ENTER Send your captions for the photo at right to listenercaption@aremedia.co.nz, with “Caption Competition No 503” in the subject line. Alternatively, entries can be posted to “Caption Competition No 503, NZ Listener, PO Box 52122, Kingsland, Auckland 1352. Entries…

Niki Bezzant (“I’ll have what he’s having”, March 4) may be dead right about the clitoris but her first paragraphs about male anatomy are wrong in relation to the male foreskin. The silence on the foreskin, in medical texts and sex manuals in the English-speaking world, where surgical infant circumcision flourished (and in the US, still flourishes), is deafening. Denial of its sexual role was and is rampant. To repurpose Bezzant’s comments about the clitoris, the foreskin “was seen as the source of no end of trouble, but also so unimportant that men wouldn’t miss its removal”. In the 19th and 20th centuries, it was literally excised from many more baby boys than clitorises were ever cut by doctors from baby girls. It wasn’t until 1995, when Canadian anatomist John Taylor studied…

“I just felt that a lot of the prime minister’s job was persiflage.”– Sir Geoffrey Palmer, quoted by Guyon Espiner in The Drinking Game“[There’s] nothing like your child waking you up in the night because her stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny.”– on Twitter“If some great catastrophe is not announced every morning, we feel a certain void. Nothing in the paper today, we sigh.”– John Dalberg-Acton“Don’t f---ing come and talk to me, write a submission and make it clear that you value it.”– Auckland MayorWayne Brown on proposed arts funding cuts“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”– Henny Youngman“I suggest Brian [Tamaki] stop wasting his time ‘researching’ Pornhub, and instead join the rest of New Zealand…

1. Which of these is not a computer language? ❑ Python❑ Oxide❑ Scala❑ Ruby 2. Robert Burchfield, editor of the Oxford English Dictionary for three decades, was born where in New Zealand? ❑ Palmerston North❑ Christchurch❑ Whanganui❑ Dunedin 3. Who is the patron saint of travellers? ❑ Nicholas❑ Matthew❑ Lucy❑ Dominic 4. What is the capital of the state of Texas? ❑ Austin❑ Houston❑ San Antonio❑ El Paso 5. Māui’s dolphin is a subspecies of Hector’s dolphin. ❑ True❑ False 6. Fossorial relates to: ❑ Fossils❑ Digging❑ The brain❑ Fostering 7. In which game would you find a sliotar? ❑ Baseball❑ Hurling❑ Lacrosse❑ Field hockey 8. UK actress Emily Blunt is the sister-in-law of which actor? ❑ Matt Damon❑ John Krasinski❑ Stanley Tucci❑ Colin Firth 9. What is the symbol for the chemical element iron? ❑ Ir❑ Au❑ Cu❑ Fe 10. What’s the name of Elon Musk’s spaceflight…

In carpet shops in Morocco, from where I’m writing this column, there are famously no price tags on the rugs. If you want to buy one, you have to negotiate a price. It’s a disconcerting way to purchase something if you’re not used to it, because it makes you think about the value of an object in a more profound sense than the market rate. But what it really does is cast you into a world of the unknown, in which you have to make a decision with minimal, if any, data at hand. Perhaps it was for this reason that I found myself thinking about the former UK secretary for health Matt Hancock. I was standing in a Marrakesh souk eyeing a rug made by a team of dedicated Berber…