New Zealand Listener Issue 13, 2022

Yesterday, I heard the dentist’s voice above my head. He was working on my teeth in a small town in New Zealand while talking to his assistant about Ukraine and Russia, based on what he had learnt from the internet the previous night. For 12 years, while I was living in Russia, I heard local friends' voices recounting their daily pleasures and grumbles. Sometimes they talked above my head about things I was too ignorant or naive to understand. Today, I hear their voices from half a world away. “How are you?” I ask them. “How do you see the Russian invasion of Ukraine?” They reply with anxiety, fear and impotence, and a stoic shouldering of fate. Here’s one of the voices. Dark-eyed, lovely Sofia. She borrowed my long blue evening dress to…

I’d like to applaud former Children’s Commissioner Dr Russell Wills on his article “Did we offend the wrong people?” (March 12), which clearly outlined issues with the Oversight of Oranga Tamariki System and Children and Young People’s Commission Bill. Like Dr Wills and most others in the children’s sector, we are incredibly concerned about the proposed legislation – both the consultation process and its implications for our most vulnerable children. Given that a key objective is to “‘strengthen advocacy for children’s and young people’s issues”, it is perplexing that children and young people have not been consulted to determine how best the system could be designed to promote their rights and interests. The overhaul is also ill-timed, given that the Royal Commission of Inquiry into Abuse in Care has not completed its…

WINNING CAPTION Conal Atkins, Nelson FINALISTS Adrian Schrinner (thinking): “How embarrassing. I didn’t realise this was a black-mask event.” – Niels Jonker, Wellington Scott Morrison: “Just throw a six to start.” – David Scott, Gisborne Morrison: “So, what you are trying to tell me is that it was a lot of rain that caused the Brisbane River to flood?” – Malcolm Belton, Thames Morrison: “I always try to look at problems through a progressive lens.” – Marie Curran, Dunedin Morrison: “So, if we burn more coal, we get more water. And that’s a good thing, right?” – Joe Lee, Palmerston North Morrison: “So that’s where Brisbane is – I always wondered.” – Paul Drury, Nelson…

“If gas prices keep going up, the next Fast & Furious movie is gonna take place on public transportation.”–Trevor Noah“Jane … you are a visionary whose trail blazed through the last 30 years of cinema with stories about the silenced, the under-represented and the misunderstood.”–Producer Tanya Seghatchian on Jane Campion at the 2022 Baftas“I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.”–Seen on Twitter“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.”–Robert Frost“Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.”– Winston Churchill“Guy on Jeopardy! was just introduced as a ‘stay at home…

1. What is the name of Quint’s shark-hunting boat in the movie Jaws? ❑ Barracuda ❑ Ghost ❑ Copperfin ❑ Orca 2. Which of these best describes the kind of ecological zone called taiga? ❑ Boreal forest ❑ Freshwater swamp ❑ Arctic tundra ❑ Tropical rainforest 3. What is the main role of male honey bees, called drones? ❑ Mate with queen ❑ Gather nectar and pollen 4. True or false? Pounamu (or greenstone) is sourced only from the South Island. ❑ True ❑ False 5. Former UK prime minister Robert Peel is often regarded as the founder of modern British … what? ❑ Football competitions ❑ Policing ❑ Schooling ❑ Town planning 6. Which actor received dual nominations at the 1994 Oscars for her performances in The Remains of the Day and In the Name of the Father? ❑ Maggie Smith ❑ Emma Thompson ❑ Vanessa Redgrave ❑ Judi Dench 7. Which musical includes the…

The QI elves are a team of writers and comedians who find the answers to impossible questions, doing the research for the long-running QI TV series, podcasts and spin-off books. For the next little while, we’ll be running some of their finest findings: the weird, wonderful, witty and wise, from their latest book, Funny You Should Ask … Again. Why are so few nuts actually nuts? Scientifically, the word “nut” is defined as a dry fruit that contains a seed but doesn’t split open when it reaches maturity. However, humans were eating nuts long before scientists came up with that definition; in fact, we probably started consuming them before we were even human. Today, most of us would simply define a nut as a small tasty snack that is delicious when salted…