New Zealand Listener Issue 3 2018

In the year after the new alcohol limit came into effect, the number of alcohol-affected drivers involved in fatal crashes substantially increased. Interviewed for the final Morning Report of 2017, Assistant Police Commissioner Sandra Venables, who is in charge of road policing, was understandably disheartened that the road toll was, at that point, the highest since 2010. She admitted she could only repeat the same holiday refrain the police have been telling us for years: drive according to the conditions, wear seat belts, don’t drink and drive, keep your speed down and avoid distractions, in particular the use of mobile phones. “Why are these messages not getting through?” interviewer Susie Ferguson wanted to know. “I think they are,” Venables replied. Then, after a moment’s pause, she corrected herself. “I truly don’t know,”…

The December 23 Editorial (“Oh, Christmas tree) was timely and important. Yes, we need to front up to our “love-hate relationship with trees”. Yes, we need a national tree policy, as you have urged. But, sadly, there’s nothing new in your call to action. In 1937, Governor-General Lord Galway officiated at a Bush Preservation and Amenity Tree-Planting Conference called to develop a “tree sense” in people throughout the country. The Minister of Internal Affairs, Bill Parry, who called the conference, argued for education to end the reproach that “every New Zealander was born with an axe and a fire stick in his hands”. The conference agreed that the Government should coordinate local work and carry out education, but nothing official came of it. Parry, however, who was also in charge of the…

THIS WEEK’S PICTURE WINNING CAPTION Ian James, Dunedin FINALISTS Professor: “It’s gonna blow. The Brexit pressure’s too much.” – Steve Cox, Christchurch Boris: “I said I wanted the VAT increased by 20% – not the size of every vat in the land!” – Rhonda Ramsay, Thames Professor: “Yes, Boris, this is the EU-designed Brexit machine that will extract the £45 billion.” – Tony Gavigan, Auckland Boris shames scientists: atomic clock really an espresso machine. – Anton Erasmuson, Upper Hutt Boris: “This is far too confusing. Can I just have an instant coffee?” – Peter Eggleton, Hamilton Boris: “All this to make my hair bleach? Really?” – Thomas Kilbride, Upper Hutt Caption Competition {caption@listener.co.nz} TO ENTER Send your captions for the photo above to caption@listener.co.nz, with “Caption Competition No 263” in the subject line. Alternatively, entries can be posted to “Caption Competition…

“Ninety per cent of the art of living consists of getting on with people one cannot stand.”– Samuel Goldwyn“I see it said that leaders should keep their ears to the ground. All I can say is that the nation will find it very hard to look up to leaders who are detected in that somewhat ungainly posture.”– Winston Churchill“Pray take away this pudding. It has no theme.”– Churchill at a lunch for the shadow Cabinet, circa 1946“The word ‘disinflation’ has been coined in order to avoid the unpopular term ‘deflation’ … I suppose that when presently ‘disinflation’ also wins a bad name, the Chancellor will call it ‘non-disinflation’.”– Churchill, 1949“A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they’re dead.”– US writer and political scientist Leo Rosten“He aroha whakat?, he…

Its toilets have motion-activated taps and flush. NZ Herald, 23/10/17 The Paekākāriki Pride Festival … will include an attempt at the world record for shortest pride parade – a 10-metre skip across the pedestrian crossing on the town’s main drag. Stuff.co.nz, 10/10/17 Burn-offs were generally limited to when people were less likely to be outside, such as the warmer months. Gisborne Herald, 21/9/17 Before we moved in we lifted the carpet and sanded and polished it … Sunday Star-Times, 2/7/17 Flo and Ady, a couple of excitable German regulars, bounded around the building between piddles. Weekend Sun, 21/7/17 “I like to make people happy. That’s the whole reason I’m here. I really like the zombie genre and I really like weapons, so it goes hand in hand.” Bay of Plenty Times, 29/5/17 LIFE IN NEW ZEALAND: Entries must describe New Zealand events.…

1. True or false? The ancient Greeks designed the Parthenon in accordance with the “golden ratio”. □ True □ False 2. True or false? If you plant an apple seed, the tree that results will reliably produce the same variety of apples. □ True □ False 3. In the phrase “a damp squib”, what is a squib? □ Hard biscuit □ Old term for squid □ Fountain pen □ Small firework 4. What is the original version of the phrase below? □ See a pin and pick it up. □ Find a penny, pick it up. 5. Who was the first author to become a billionaire in US dollars as a result of his or her writing? □ JK Rowling □ Dan Brown □ James Patterson □ Stephen King 6. Which book begins: “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” □ I, Claudius □…