New Zealand Listener Issue 3, 2023

The Queen died last year. She did not depart, become lost, or pass away to some nebulous entity in the ether. She simply died – of old age, if we believe everything we read. Death comes to us all, but the current reality is a society that shuns the inevitable and shies away from even the slightest hint of anything morbid. Recently, a woman talked with me about her mother’s death. As a palliative care doctor, I listen to quite a few of these conversations. She told me her one request of her siblings was that the obituary stated that her mother had died, not passed anywhere. Her family accused her of being too blunt. I was asked to speak to the teachers of a local primary school about end-of-life care, the dying…

WINNING CAPTION Nikki Copping, Auckland FINALISTS Harry: “… and when I told Meghan about your invitation, she said, ‘I didn’t think there were any Kennedys left!’” – Damian Peters, Auckland Harry: “Hang on, darling, I haven’t finished the joke yet.” – Niels Jonker, Wellington Harry: “I’m a Windsor, not a loser.” – Paul Kelly, Palmerston North Harry: “And then I said, ‘We’re not doing this for the money.’” – Sharon-May McCrostie, Wellington Harry: “What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror? Haloumi!” – Ann Love, Nelson Harry: “And on our next Netflix episode Meghan will reveal all!” – Jean Ross, Hamilton Caption Competition {listenercaption@aremedia.co.nz} TO ENTER Send your captions for the photo at right to listenercaption@aremedia.co.nz, with “Caption Competition No 494” in the subject line. Alternatively, entries can be posted to “Caption Competition No 494”, NZ Listener, PO…

Ray Calver (Letters, January 3) may well be right that one’s destiny is not automatically predetermined by birthplace or postcode, but they are great predictors. What is needed is equitable opportunity, not equal opportunity. Poor people and poor neighbourhoods need more resources to overcome the inherent advantage that those living in better-resourced, richer neighbourhoods receive. There is an automatic benefit to a child from having safe, stable, warm and comfortable housing. Children find it much harder to learn or escape a poor upbringing without it. If they are having to move from their rented accommodation and schools every year and/or there is a deficit budget every week for food and basic expenses, then those conditions aren’t conducive to anyone rising above their circumstances, especially if their parents are stressed all the…

The QI elves are a team of writers and comedians who find the answers to impossible questions, doing the research for the long-running QI TV series, podcasts and the spin-off books. For the next little while, we’ll be running some of their finest findings: the weird, wonderful, witty and wise, from their latest book, 222 QI Answers to Your Quite Ingenious Questions. Where does the nursery rhyme “Humpty Dumpty” come from? Don’t believe any stories claiming that the rhyme refers to Richard III, or to Henry VIII’s Lord Chancellor Thomas Wolsey, or to a cannon used in the English Civil War. It’s simply a fun little riddle with a childish, nonsensical name. In the 17th century, a “Humpty-Dumpty” was a drink of ale boiled with brandy. A hundred years later, it had become…

“The TV is very good, the world is very bad: the 2022 story.”– Seen on Twitter“The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.”– Alfred Adler“Why does garlic have to wear so many little blankets.”– Seen on Twitter“I guess I’m a punk because I’m a fighter. You’re born with the character you’ve got, and I will always fight. I can’t help it.”– Vivienne Westwood“I sometimes feel as though football was invented for this magical player.”– Bobby Charlton on the late Pelé“The less you talk, the more you’re listened to.”– Pauline Phillips“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people once a year.”– Victor Borge“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”-Bill Vaughan“I try not to…

1. Cockroaches have been on the planet longer than sharks. ❑ True❑ False 2. Which US city does Harry Reid International Airport service? ❑ Oklahoma City❑ Memphis❑ Las Vegas❑ Los Angeles 3. Who is the current NZ governor-general? ❑ Cindy Kiro❑ Patsy Reddy❑ Jerry Mateparae❑ Helen Winkelmann 4. What does the te reo Māori word kupu mean? ❑ Song❑ Word❑ Bird❑ House 5. Who designed the Guggenheim Museum in Balbao, Spain? ❑ Renzo Piano❑ Norman Foster❑ Zaha Hadid❑ Frank Gehry 6. What was the name of NZ actress Melanie Lynskey’s character on the US sitcom Two and a Half Men? ❑ Mary❑ Shauna❑ Rose❑ Lily 7. Marion Morrison was the birth name of which famous actor? ❑ John Wayne❑ Errol Flynn❑ Cary Grant❑ Rock Hudson 8. A fathom, for traditionally measuring the depth of water, equates to about? ❑ One metre❑ Two metres❑ Five metres❑…