New Zealand Listener Issue 41 2018

Like a manufacturer refusing to reformulate a faulty product, Catholicism persists with its age-old formula of celibacy. To judge whether any enterprise is succeeding or failing, you look at the numbers. For the Catholic Church, here’s a recent set: Pope Francis visited Ireland, one of Catholicism’s oldest and staunchest “markets”, in August and drew fewer than 200,000 to his Dublin rally. In 1979, the papal service at the same park drew more than a million people. As any marketing department can tell you, falling numbers of that magnitude are a sign of something badly wrong. For Catholics, rocked by horrifying revelations of priestly abuse, there are too many wrongs to ignore. Over generations, it now transpires, the church they loved, trusted and obeyed was sheltering those who sexually abused, entrapped and sometimes drove…

Of particular interest in the September 29 cover story (“All shook up”) were the date of initial arrival and subsequent colonisation by East Polynesians and the work of Lisa Matisoo-Smith at the Wairau Bar. It is important to note that there is not a shred of scientifically undisputed evidence of human activity anywhere in New Zealand before the late 13th century. This, despite a variety of claims that Polynesians had colonised the country for over 2000 years. A Department of Conservation interpretation board on Somes Island makes this extraordinary claim, for example, and I have heard cultural guides at Rotorua stating these “facts” to visitors. The layer of Kaharoa ash from the Tarawera eruption of 1314 offers clear evidence in this regard as no sign of human habitation exists below this extensive…

WINNING CAPTION Hans Zindel, Palmerston North FINALISTS Barack Obama: “Donald! Naughty corner, now!” – Bernt Carlsson, Queenstown Obama: “I turned grey after he took over.” – Steve Cox, St Albans, Christchurch Obama: “That big ‘birther’ was firing duds at the UN.” – Russell Nichol, Mt Roskill, Auckland Obama: “Donald, the truth went that way!” – Brian Coutts, Dunedin Obama: “Go clean up the House.” – Kath Jones, Waikanae Obama: “Hey, you in the white hood and cloak! Out!” – Mike Lynch, Upper Hutt Obama: “The Donald – you’re fired.” – Lynda Kelly, Palmerston North…

“My wife is slightly cold and wants the heating on. I’m quite warm and don’t want the heating on. So we’ve compromised and put the heating on.”– US broadcaster Matt Underwood on Twitter“It’s incredible that you can stay in a career this long and still have people put up with you. I wish they did that at home.”– Betty White at the Emmys“Our network, NBC, has the most nominations of any broadcast network, which is kind of like being the sexiest person on life support.”– comedian Michael Che“Stand up for what you believe in. Get off Facebook. Work hard. Make scones. Be kind.”– Dame Jools Topp“Our PM is in America, where they are interested in knowing what it’s like having a baby in power. In New Zealand, we are interested…

So if you set off to scale Mt Cook in your jandals, you could be charged with wasting police time and made to foot the bill …Dominion Post, 12/8/18 Shag slows Mo’unga bandwagonPress, 2/8/18 The Government is to set in law a goal for zero net carbon emissions by 5050.NZ Herald, 20/3/18 To improve the city’s stock of cold homes, the Dunedin City Council is offering a free eco design service.Southland Times, 2/8/18 “The final stages are coming together of teeing up the fiance and finalising the contract with the builders.”Otago Daily Times, 21/8/18 Food was largely subjective, he said, and reviews, whether good or bad, should be taken with a grain of salt.Herald on Sunday, 12/8/18 LIFE IN NEW ZEALAND: Entries must describe New Zealand events. The first sender of those accepted will receive a…

1. Which notorious mobster was nicknamed the Teflon Don? ❑ Al Capone ❑ Bugsy Siegel ❑ John Gotti ❑ Machine Gun Kelly 2. Which of these can typically be found growing in acidic bogs? ❑ Elderberry ❑ Cranberry ❑ Raspberry ❑ Boysenberry 3. True or false? Some wild animals deliberately start fires. ❑ True ❑ False 4. Which of these battery brands uses a pink bunny as a mascot? ❑ Energizer ❑ Duracell ❑ Both 5. Which of these is not one of the world’s Big Three credit rating agencies? ❑ Freddie Mac ❑ Standard & Poor’s ❑ Moody’s ❑ Fitch Ratings 6. Which of these was New Zealand’s national motto until 1956? ❑ Death Before Dishonour ❑ By Strength and Guile ❑ Victory and Glory ❑ Onward 7. Which of these is considered the first-ever mainstream film to show a flushing toilet? ❑ Psycho ❑ Jaws ❑ Rosemary’s Baby ❑ Spartacus 8. Which song was described by John Lennon as “virtually…