New Zealand Listener Issue 46 2018

As the exam season approaches, the Government is heading for a Not Achieved in education unless it does some serious swotting. Our teacher shortage is acute. The Education Minister says it will plug the growing shortfall in teacher numbers with overseas recruits in time for our next school year. But although more than 6000 overseas teachers have registered an interest in working here, just 207 have gained approval to start next year. And the deadline to resign in the United Kingdom is now. Let’s start by reprising some statistics: the Ministry of Education estimates we’re short about 600 primary school teachers and 200 secondary teachers, although principals say the numbers are higher and subjects are already being dropped; 40% fewer New Zealanders are entering primary teacher training now than six years…

It is true that war teaches us geography. The three-year commemorations of New Zealand’s involvement in World War I mean most of us can now discuss not only the location but the landscape of such faraway places as Gallipoli and Passchendaele. War also teaches us to spell – even if Le Quesnoy still sometimes makes it into print as “Le Kenwah”. Above all, though, war teaches us history. On the 100th anniversary of the Armistice at 11am on November 11, 1918, the Last Post will be played to commemorate the end of the terrible conflict that killed 16 million people, arguably as a result of a monumental miscalculation by the German Kaiser. By the time the Germans realised the determination of the British, French and Russians to back their allies, it…

WINNING CAPTION David Miller, Lower Hutt FINALISTS “It is on the right way round!” – Kaye Bennetts, Whangaparaoa “Just remember – it’s 20 quid for a photo. I take Visa.” – Derell Laurenson, Waikanae Beach “Careful, I may look like a butterfly, but I sting like a bee!” – Janey Grant, Taradale, Napier A flight attendant tries to convince security she is the mother of the bride. – Paul Kelly, Palmerston North “Don’t you dare use this photo for your caption competition!” – Winsome Brown, Rangiora Sarah Ferguson didn’t get time to change out of her flight attendant’s uniform. – Paul Kelly…

“If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.”– author William Lyon Phelps“Mystique is 100 times better than publicity”– legendary Hollywood agent Michael Ovitz, quoted in the Times“Everyone needs someone to turn to.”– Prince Harry, in Wellington“The New York Post made a list of things New Yorkers could do with the $1.6 billion Mega Millions jackpot. For instance, they could buy the Islanders, or part of the Mets, or they could sublet a onebedroom apartment for two months.”– US comedian Jimmy Fallon“I don’t believe you can ever really cook unless you love eating.”– Nigella Lawson“Never, ever wrestle with pigs, because you both get dirty, but the pig actually likes it.”– Andrew Gillum, Mayor of Tallahassee, Florida“We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we…

And even their narrow win over the Boks, according to the critics, was achieved only because they scored more points! Bay of Plenty Times, 15/10/18 “We have waste water over-flow when it rains and cross connections when people have connected their sewer into storm water outlets and storm water outlets into the sewage system along with cattle and dog faces,” he says. Independent Herald, 3/10/18 A couple of months ago he deemed it was time to drop the bomb on the Crusaders board. Press, 1/9/18 “I love to read and watch movies while reclining on the sofa. Even talking to a good friend lying prostrate on the sofa is a laugh,” she says. Viva, 29/8/18 BYO Drinks, glass, finger food for both nights to be shared – Akaroa style! Akaroa Mail, 31/8/18 LIFE IN NEW…

1. Which poem features the lines: Theirs not to reason why,/ Theirs but to do and die? ❑ In Flanders Fields ❑ The Charge of the Light Brigade ❑ O Captain! My Captain! ❑ Invictus 2. Which Jane Austen novel tells the story of the impoverished Dashwood family? ❑ Sense and Sensibility ❑ Emma ❑ Northanger Abbey ❑ Pride and Prejudice 3. Which advertising slogan was derived from the last words of a man on death row? ❑ Have it Your Way ❑ Think Different ❑ Just Do It ❑ Keep Walking 4. True or false? China still maintains a one-child policy. ❑ True ❑ False 5. Which of these classic silent films features a main villain named Count Orlok? ❑ Metropolis ❑ The Cabinet of Dr Caligari ❑ Nosferatu ❑ The Thief of Baghdad 6. True or false? Some militaries use specially trained dolphins. ❑ True ❑ False 7. Which of these diseases is not…