New Zealand Listener Issue 9 2018

He’s stepping away at a time of his own choosing while leading the top-polling party. Few get that option. The political career of departing Opposition Leader Bill English has been a lesson in commitment. He was not wrong when he said, in announcing his resignation, that the highs and lows of his 27-year parliamentary career have been higher and lower than most. He could easily have slunk away after leading National to an electoral wipeout in 2002 or when Don Brash replaced him as leader the following year. But perhaps feeding stock in winter on a Southland farm was good training for politics – doing the job you have to do, no matter the adversity. Ultimately, the decision to stay on saw him become finance spokesman when his Helensville colleague John Key replaced…

In the 1950s, New Zealand had 234,000 cars, one for every 8.3 people (“Bikelash”, February 17). Today, we have about three million cars or other light motor vehicles, nearly 13 times as many, or one for every 1.6 people. In just two or three generations, the motor car, once a saved-for purchase that our parents polished at weekends, has become something the average worker can buy for a couple of weeks’ wages. Despite government efforts, our road network is far from being 13 times bigger than it was in 1950, so it’s no wonder roads are cluttered. And it’s no wonder motor vehicles have consumed our hearts, minds and bodies. The words “go” and “drive” are now so synonymous that we measure distance not in kilometres but by the proxy of…

WINNING CAPTION Roger Reeves, Palmerston North FINALISTS Camilla: “How boring! Thank God Charles is designated driver.” – Peter Davidson, Christchurch Camilla: “Bottoms up! We’re in training for Harry’s wedding.” – Bruce Eliott, St Heliers, Auckland Charles: “After this we’re off to Camilla’s AA meeting.” – Simon King, Mt Victoria, Wellington Camilla: “Waiting in line for the crone does this to one.” – Kath Jones, Waikanae Charles: “What are the chances of extending happy hour?” – Paul Kelly, Palmerston North Charles: “Are you from the Sallies? My wife has a secret drinking problem.” – Lyndy Sainsbury, Remuera, Auckland…

“OMG, the internet is ruining language, amirite? Wrong.” – the Economist sums up the threat posed by young people’s word play online “Incompetent doctors damage their patients one at a time. Incompetent teachers damage their students 30 at a time.” – old adage “Abraham Lincoln was born 209 years ago this month. Of course, he was tragically assassinated at Ford’s Theater in Washington by a member of MS-13 … I read that on the White House website. Is that not right?” – US TV host Jimmy Kimmel “A Girl Scout in San Diego sold 300 boxes of Scout cookies in just six hours by setting up shop in front of a weed dispensary. Genius!” – US comic James Corden “I’m a member of PETA. People eating tasty animals.” – Gordon Ramsay “I occasionally play works…

“We did not come simply for the beauty and hospitals of the north.” nzherald.co.nz, 5/2/18 “It’s rude but you can still bring your Nana, there’s a lot of swearing and sexual references.” Sunday Star-Times, 10/9/17 We do not guarantee that your item will reach its destination before Christmas if sent before the recommended sending dates. NZ Post brochure “Unlike dog shows, daffodil people do not look like their flowers.” Gisborneherald.co.nz, 25/9/17 She plans to make jewellery with double meanings. “Like catastrophe would be a cat and a washing machine.” Weekend Sun, 15/9/17 … the work would include an improved streetscape in the area with urban planting and street and pubic art work, he said. Otago Daily Times, 14/12/17 LIFE IN NEW ZEALAND: Entries must describe New Zealand events. The first sender of those accepted will receive…

1. Which of these is produced and excreted by the liver? □ Phlegm □ Bile □ Synovial fluid □ Lymph 2. True or false? In the 1972 film The Godfather, the word “mafia” is never mentioned. □ True □ False 3. Which bird featured on the New Zealand $1 note? □ Fantail □ Magpie □ Rifleman □ Pukeko 4. True or false? Humans are the only species to experience menopause. □ True □ False 5. Which of these actors starred in the 1987 Steven Spielberg film Empire of the Sun? □ Charlize Theron □ Leonardo DiCaprio □ Angelina Jolie □ Christian Bale 6. Which of these US states is most similar in total area to New Zealand? □ Alaska □ California □ Texas □ Colorado 7. Which Shakespeare play includes the line “Beware the Ides of March”? □ Julius Caesar □ Hamlet □ Romeo and Juliet □ Henry IV, Part 1 8. Which of these words can be typed using only…