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The PictureThe Picture

The Picture Issue 1902

The Picture is an Australian men’s magazine aimed at the average bloke. It’s full of local stories, nude women, puzzles, prizes and jokes.

Bauer Media Pty Ltd
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26 Issues


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hungry hungry hippo

HIPPOS kill more people than any other animal in Africa. But why? Maybe because they’re sensitive about their WEIGHT and fly off the handle a bit too easily. Or maybe it’s just that they don’t like sharing their POND, the greedy pricks. But we reckon it’s mostly because they’re CUNTS. Local bloke Mathew Wanjiuku felt the full force of hippo cuntiness when this lard-arse Hippopotamus amphibious got stuck into him near Lake Naivasha, in Kenya. Matt was having a bit of a fish when the fat fucker charged him, then proceeded to GNAW on him for 10 minutes before Matt’s mates scared it away by banging loudly on a sheet of roofing metal with some sticks. Pretty fucken amazingly, Matt was right as rain after a couple of weeks in hossie. The hippo had a headache…

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world beaters!

SHE once nearly broke the internet using just her boobs, a red bikini top and her own funky dance moves. But that stray minute of BOUNCING BOOBITUDE earned Rachel Williams a gazillion hits on YouTube, with fans remixing the footage so it went for over an hour. Not that you’d NEED that long, if you know what we mean. If you believe the Pommy model – and we DO – it was all just a HAPPY ACCIDENT. “It was just a bit of fun playing around with the camera during a shoot!” she SPOONTS. “And then it went crazy and everyone loved it! Someone even made a 10 hour version! It’s been great for me, though. “I always have requests for more bouncing boobs.” We can see why. It’s the sort of thing that tends to…

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wobbly world

CAYMAN ISLANDS! You don’t often see Seppo rootress Faye Reagan at the beach due to her MEGA RANGA-NESS. Here her mate Klaudia keeps a lookout for stray BITS OF SUN. MOSCOW! Freya Von Doom, 147cm, and Lena Anderson, 183cm, are both seppo porn stars, but they don’t see eye to eye. More like eye to TIT. Might be better if they lie down... DALLAS! Like any busy young woman, Canadian model Kimmy Makenzie doesn’t always find time to do laundry, and so must select her cleanest pair of dirty knickers. MENORCA! Lacey Banghard loves swimming but hates stray jellyfish brushing against her. So she keeps her bikini top handy to wack ‘em if they get cheeky. PHOENIX! Wendy Patton knows how to get good service in a restaurant. Hoick the twins out and the waiters queue for the honour…

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news flash

PORN AGAIN YUDY Pineda, the Columbian ex-novice nun who chucked it in to be a nudie webcam model, has gone the whole enchilada and made her first porno. Yudy stars in a religious-themed FLOG FILLUM made by big Seppo porno studio Bang Bros, released just a week ago. Having spent eight years training to be a nun, then a couple of years diddling herself on camera, she reckoned God, being a TOP BLOKE, will understand. TWO-FOR-ONE AUSSIE identical twins Anna and Lucy DeCinque are planning to get pregnant at the same time, by the same bloke, and then pop out a bub each. The wacky pair from Perth, who are rarely apart, finish each other’s sentences, and describe themselves as “the world’s most identical twins” are both hooked up with the same guy,…

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skid row!

THERE are people who will tell you that Summernats ain’t what it used to be, and in a way they’re right. If you went to Summernats 32 to witness CHEST PUPPIES in their NATURAL HABITAT, you would have come away sorely disappointed. Ya see, the Nats is more FAMILY FRIENDLY these days, and while that means FREE-RANGE FUNBAGS are now an endangered species at Australia’s biggest horsepower party, the automotive-related shenanigans are now BEAUTER THAN EVER. Summernats 32 saw the world record for the most cars simultaneously doing a burnout SMASHED TO PIECES. Other additions to the program this year included Skid Row, which meant entrants were free to drop a skid in a designated area anytime they fucken well wanted. The inaugural MULLET COMP was a runaway success, the lawnmower racing looked…

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racks of all trades!

CARPENTING That’s what they call it, isn’t it? The hammering and sawing stuff? Josie’s really good at that. And here’s a tip – if you want your thumbs to look like Josie’s nips, hit ’em with the hammer. SLEDGING Every crew needs a sledger. They keep the apprentice in line by threatening to smash their toes with a sledgehammer. Dunno what’s in her pockets, but – bottles of Malibu, probably. NORKETRY Norketry involves the chick with the best tits flashing them so the owner doesn’t notice the wonky walls and dodgy wiring. Then you all bugger off to the pub before the ceiling falls in. SCREWERY Straight slot, Phillips head or Pozidrive? Ratchet or no ratchet? FLANGE OR NO FLANGE? Sheryl knows all about the ins and outs of screwing. If you ask nicely, she’ll give you…