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The PictureThe Picture

The Picture Issue 1903

The Picture is an Australian men’s magazine aimed at the average bloke. It’s full of local stories, nude women, puzzles, prizes and jokes.

Bauer Media Pty Ltd
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26 Issues


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here’s toya! old champ’s secret of life

WI HISKEY and cigars – that’s the secret to a long and beaut life, according to Richard Overton. And he should know – when he died late last year he was 112. The oldest living seppo World War II veteran started on the stogies early. “I started smoking cigars when I was eight years old,” he said. “I’ve been smoking them ever since. I smoke about 12 a day. I ain’t got nothing else to do.” And being a loyal American, he drank the local drop, usually in his coffee. “Most of my whiskey is from Tennessee,” he reckoned. “When you put that whiskey in coffee, it makes your muscles get warm.” Richo reckoned he survived the war, including the battles of Iwo Jima and Okinawa, mostly by good luck. “If it’s your time to go, that bullet…

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girls gone wild!

WHAT happens when you take two hot-as-fuck chick porn stars, fling them naked onto a bed and tell ’em: “Go for it!” Hell, what DOESN’T happen might just be an easier question to answer. Mia Malkova and Kenna James were THRUST into just such a situation in front of our probing camera lens, and let’s just say they didn’t let the opportunity slip by. It was like a summer night in Darwin – hot, sticky and WET. No crocs, but. Afterwards, Kenna – a longtime lezzo-only fucktress only recently seen enjoying dick on screen – and Mia – who throughout her film career has wavered between the COOCHIE and the COCK – explained their CRAZY WAYS. Mia, how do you go about picking between BLOKES and SHEILAS for a sesh of horny boonting? “It really depends…

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wobbly world

LOUISIANA! Madi Meadows, 22, is a porn star from Las Vegas who knows how to tie shoelaces, but has trouble with zippers. TEXAS! Everything’s bigger in Texas, invcluding the queues for the dunnies at the county fair. So Maria fills in the time giving blokes stiffies and making new friends. SARDINA! It’s a bloody good thing they shouted all hands on DECK, not DICK, because Ukrainian porn star Sofia Goncharov only does dildos and other chicks on camera. LONDON! According to newly passed legislation, Leanne Crow can only reveal one of her enormous tits at a time, or there may be a rupture in the space-time continuum. FLORIDA! Keisha Grey won the 2017 Spank Bank Awards for the Best Dick Sucking Lips. And while it was well-deserved, we have to say her tits are very nice, too. BARCELONA! Czech porn star…

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news flash

FOR WHAT ALES YA DOCS in Vietnam pumped five litres of beer into a bloke’s gut to save him from alcohol poisoning. Nguyen Van Nhat was gunna die after drinking methanol, but due to a weird quirk of nature getting a shitload of ETHANOL – the type of booze found in beer, wine and spirits – into a patient in this state is the best way to reverse the process. He was given three cans on admission, then a can an hour until he felt better. JUST A SCRATCH SWEDISH boxer Badou Jack would’ve had a SPLITTING headache after his light heavyweight title fight against Marcus Browne in Las Vegas. The pair bumped noggins in round seven opening up this massive gash in Jacks forehead but he went the distance, spraying Browne and…

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tits or the twenny

TITS! He likes his tits the way he likes his TEA – in bloody big cups! No way he’d pass up these for mere money. TITS! He was grinning so hard he could hardly chew his lollies at smoko.Who needs dosh when you can look at TITS? TITS! The only bludger in the bunch, he was on his way to the beach. He gave up valuable tanning time to scope some titties. TITS! Overcome by the solemn nature of the occasion, blondie doffed his cap and sang the national anthem. TITS! You know what they say about blokes with big hats – they have big... HEADS! This fella was happy to ditch the trowel for a BOOBY BREAK. TITS! He looks suprised, but what else would you expect to find under Scarlett’s T-shirt other than her magnificent tits? It’s a no-brainer, really. THE…

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‘mine are the biggest in australia!’ #1

SHE’S been claiming the number one spot on the Oz tit parade for years now, and as we tee off down the fairway into 2019, Sarah-Marie refuses to relinquish her crown as the champion choozie owner (bolt-on division) in the nation. We heralded her G-cup GERONIMOS as the eighth and ninth wonders of the world when she unveiled them to us in 2014 – all round, tanned and BOUNCY – and we said back then that they’d be a force to be reckoned with for years to come. We were right on the money, and as far as we know, the 28-year-old Sydney-based dancer’s thrice beefed-up bazooms STILL reign supreme. But you can never be too careful, so we checked back in with her recently to make sure. So, Sarah-Marie, giz the low-down…