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The PictureThe Picture

The Picture Issue 1909

The Picture is an Australian men’s magazine aimed at the average bloke. It’s full of local stories, nude women, puzzles, prizes and jokes.

Bauer Media Pty Ltd
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26 Issues


access_time7 min.
mega racks!

1 LANA PARKER Lana and her double-Ds hail from Dorset England, where they drink a lot of cider. She only does topless, but with tits like these, what more do you want? Sheesh! 2 EVA WYRWAL This example of Polish perfection from Kalisz, Poland, moved to the UK to become a glamour model. She’s the proud owner of a pair of all-natural F-cup funbags. 3 LANA KENDRICK She’s long, she’s tall, she got boobs like cannon balls! Yep, this 180cm tall, H-cup titted, German-born-now-Californian porn actress brings out the poet in us! 04 SABINE J These days the lickable Latvian Sabine Jemeljanova packs a pair of G-cups in her cardy, but in her career they’ve gone from F to DD, back to F then up to G. Phew! 05 HANNAH ELIZABETH Her G-cup gazongas may have had a helping…

access_time2 min.
news flash

POLISH SAUSAGE IT’S no secret that people who go on reality TV shows are fucken NUMBSKULLS, but Damian Zdunczyk, one of the cast of a Polish shitspray called Warsaw Shore, makes the NONGS on Oz’s Married at First Sight look like GENIUSES. This dim bulb had a 40cm COCK tattooed on his thigh, with the words ‘Come To Daddy’. And he reckons it really pulls the babes! “Several women wanted to have sex with me,” he said. “But I wasn’t interested because I now have a really nice girl who I met on TV.” Swoit! CHICKEN FEED SOME chicken-lovin’ parents have scored A$15,000 for naming their kid after Colonel Sanders, the founder of KFC. Nah, they didn’t call the kid ‘Colonel’ – the bub’s name is Harland Rose Platt, after the Colonel’s first…

access_time1 min.
ho-lee fuck!

THIS Chinese bloke is a HERO in the People’s Republic after drinking his weight in Tsing Tao beer and PASSING OUT halfway up a 30-metre telephone tower. The unnamed commie champion committed his glorious act of socialist solidarity in Caomiao Township, Henan Province, where he had been OUT ON THE RAZZ. He was spotted climbing the concrete pole using the metal rungs, then, when the cops arrived, they placed airbags around the base of the pole and tried to talk him down. But old mate ran out of REVOLUTIONARY ZEAL about halfway up, and decided to take a nap hanging upside down with his legs tangled in the rungs. As you do. After six hours, firies finally reached him with a cherry picker and PLUCKED him to safety, to the enthusiastic cheers of the…

access_time1 min.
breezy rider!

THIS is just what you need when you’re bored with your jetski and your motorised skateboard, but can’t afford a real helicopter. The Lazareth LMV 496 is a flying quadbike with a 350kw, 4.7-litre Maserati V8 donk in the middle and jet turbines mounted in each of the four wheels. When you’re sick of putting along in traffic like a normal schlub, you pull over and press some magic buttons. The wheels tilt out sideways, the turbines fire up and suddenly you’re hovering in the air like a big fat drone. At least that’s the theory. It’s only had a couple of test hovers, and the whole package will be launched at a big trade show in Dubai in October, by which time they’ll probably have the stereo working properly and the ashtrays…

access_time1 min.
joke of the week wins $100

AN AUSSIE soldier was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a “Dear John” letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two blokes while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. To add injury to insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him. So the soldier did what any squared-away soldier would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. In all, he got more than 25 pictures of various women (some with clothes and some without). He then mailed them to his now-former girlfriend with the following note: “I don’t remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the…

access_time4 min.
you’re joking

Q. WHAT DID THE EGG SAY TO THE POT OF BOILING WATER? A. IT’S GOING TO TAKE ME A WHILE TO GET HARD, I JUST GOT LAID THIS MORNING. N.B., BOAMBOLO, NSW STATISTICS say one in three people in a relationship are unfaithful. Now, I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend. SLICKS, ESSENDON, VIC I PICKED up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I’d pick up a stranger. He asked, “Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I’m not a serial killer?” I laughed and told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical. I.D., NORTH MOONTA, SA Q. WHAT DO YOU CALL A KID WITH ONE LEG, AN EYEPATCH AND A STUTTER? A. NAMES. V.B., BELANGLO, NSW I GOT fired from my job…