Table of contents for 10/16/2019 in Move!

WHEN I read Amanda Ndyebo’s story, my heart broke. She was married as a teen and not only lost her youth, but also her home as her father refused to let her return. She had to grow up fast and make anew home with strangers. For eight years, she didn’t feel welcome in either home (see page 24). I couldn’t even imagine the pain she felt due to the double rejection. Because home for me is my happy place. It’s the one place I can find peace, and be a child, no matter how old I am. It’s filled with memories of my grandmother sipping agin and Coke on the veranda, of sleeping on the floor in the lounge during the holidays because there were just too many of us.…

‘WE WERE LIVING OUR BEST LIVES, BUT GOD TOOK US BACK TO THE BEGINNING’ WHEN they promised to love each other through the best and the worst of times, they had no idea what life had in store for them. They were living their best lives – their careers were blooming, he’d finished the lobola process and they’d just welcomed a bouncing baby boy. Then it all turned upside-down for Phumeza (31) and Mnqobi “Shota” Mdabe (43). Their seemingly healthy baby was diagnosed with eye cancer and they experienced years of pain, little success and, finally, acceptance. The celebrity couple stepped away from the spotlight for a time to look after their son but now they’re back. Phumeza plays Anele in SABC3’s Isidingo and also collaborated with her hubby on…

WE may be nearing the end of the year but things are just heating up for funny man Jason Goliath. The comedian is enjoying being busy. Not only has he joined the Kaya FM breakfast team with David O’Sullivan, Jason also has plenty of jokes up his sleeve with his second one-man show, MANSTRUATION: Surviving a Wife. Whether you're in a relationship or single, the show is a perfect night out. It will leave you in stitches! The exclusive opening night was held at the Auto & General Theatre on the Square in Sandton.…

‘ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY THIS HAD TO HAPPEN’ THE house she shares with her mother, siblings and son is deafeningly silent. Her baby girl no longer wakes her up with giggles and a warm hug. The boisterous little girl no longer chases after her brother, their squeals of delight echoing through the hallway. And all the grieving mother has left of her daughter are treasured memories, toys and the clothes she used to wear. It’s been a few weeks since Kleeshay Stuurman’s two-year-old daughter, Zoedene, passed away. The heartbroken mother has passed down her daughter’s clothes to a little girl in the family because she just can’t bear to give them away to anyone else. HEARTACHE It’s a not long after the funeral when we visit the family’s modest home…

Q HOW DO IGET RID OF YELLOW DEODORANT STAINS ON A WHITE SHIRT? A The simple answer is to remove it as soon as possible. It’s much easier to remove fresh stains than ones that have had time to absorb into the fabric. Here’s where vinegar comes to your rescue. Pour it directly on to the stains. Then hand rub the vinegar into the fabric before washing it. This also works for removing unsightly deodorant stains. Yes, splash shirts, T-shirts or blouses generously with undiluted vinegar before washing and voila! You’ll be pleased with the results.…

WE ALL have a past. And that includes some mistakes we are not proud of. This is the nature of the lives we live. You may spend a lot of time and energy lamenting and regretting yesterday. This then impacts on your emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. It’s time to break free from the past before it breaks you. THE PAST The past is something that happened a week, month or years ago. It shaped who you are today, including your HIVpositive status and taking ARVs for your lifetime. One thing about the past is that you can’t rewrite or change it. It will be there forever. You can’t undo what was done. THE MORE YOU STAY IN THE PAST, THE MORE IT WILL DROWN YOU In 2005, I contracted…

LIBRA (23 SEP – 22 OCT) It is a good time to have a fulfilling week. You could use your eye for beauty to transform your living space. Your love of order can also make your working conditions more pleasant. YOUR LUCKY NUMBERS 37, 23, 39, 42, 7, 12 SCORPIO (23 OCT – 21 NOV) Your personal year is drawing to a close. It’s thus the opportune week to take time out and reflect on the past 12 months, as well as set intentions for the year ahead. YOUR LUCKY NUMBERS 1, 33, 13, 43, 51, 11 SAGITTARIUS (22 NOV – 20 DEC) It’s a week to focus on your hopes, dreams and wishes for the future. Whether it’s a personal aspiration or professional objective, it’s a good time to…

Mandisa Muruge, a counsellor at The Family Life Centre’s Lenasia South Office says: “If the smell of your friend is overwhelming you, then it means that other people experience the same around her. It would less embarrassing for her to be told by a concerned friend who has her best interest at heart. We all need a friend who can be there for us both in good and bad times, a friend who shows us where we go wrong. Imagine if someone else tells her and she realises that you kept your mouth shut. That might hurt her even more. But it's not an easy conversation to have. Approach the topic as gently as you can. Make sure that the tone of your voice is in tune with being helpful…

‘CAN SEMEN REALLY IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF YOUR SKIN?’ Q A SMALL PENIS I have asmall penis and it is affecting my relationships even before they begin. Please help. ANONYMOUS, SMS A It’s unfair that you are judged on the size of your penis. Just like noses and other body parts, we all come in different shapes and sizes. It doesn’t make some more superior or inferior than others. This goes for penises too. There are those who have big penises and those who have small ones that grow quite a bit in size when erect. So it’s important to keep in mind the two states – anatomical and sexual. To satisfy a sexual partner, a penis doesn’t have to be big. But if it really bothers you consider treatment…

The whistle has been redefined into a personal alarm. Memeza has developed a personal alarm that sells for R79,99. When activated, by pulling a string, it emits a very loud alarm (140 decibels). The piercing sound has the potential to confuse and scare awould-be attacker and rouse would-be rescuers. It’s lightweight and comes with a keyring attachment. You no longer have to carry a bulky can of pepper spray in your hand. The Sabre Red Lipstick Pepper Spray at first glance looks like a harmless shimmery pink tube of lipstick. But don’t be fooled – it contains the maximum heat allowed in pepper spray, reaches up to three metres, and the stream delivery pattern reduces wind blow back. It’s for sale on takealot.com for R299.…

Keep it simple and to the point. With kids aged four to six, don’t go into too much detail and limit your answer to the question asked. For example, your child asks, “Mom, how do babies come out of your body?” Your answer could be something like, “Once the baby is ready to come out, the mom’s tummy muscles squeeze tight to push the baby out of her vagina.” Try calling a spade a spade. Although you don’t want to sound like a doctor, kids should know the correct terminology. “If parents can become comfortable with using the words penis and vagina, that’s great,” says Edith Kriel, a social worker from Cape Town who runs seminars on children and sexual behaviour. “What’s important is for the conversations to happen.” Encourage…

Don’t give out private information, such as your ID number, physical address and banking details to strangers. If you decide to meet, do so in a public place. Also, tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to be back. Don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Always trust your instincts. Don’t assume that the person is who they say they are. It’s easy to pretend or provide false information over the phone or online. DISCLAIMER: Move! magazine will not be held responsible/liable for anything that may arise with regard to readers providing each other with personal information. We advise participants to protect themselves from any criminal intent/activity.…

WE DON’T OWN PEOPLE People don’t belong to people. No one can own another person. It sounds cheesy when people say “you're my life”. Because the truth is no one can become “your life”. Someone can become a part of your life or an important part of your life, but no one can become your whole life. You can live without them. Your life's inside of you and you should be your first reason to live. Let no one become your reason to live. ‘YOUR LIFE MUST HAVE ENOUGH IN IT THAT PLEASES YOU’ Your life must have enough in it that pleases you and makes you happy, proud, and content even when it’s just you. Find peace within, fall in love with yourself and pursue your dreams. Always give…

LONG DISTANCE They don’t have meetings mainly because the group live so far away from one another. Five of the members live in the Western Cape, one in Durban, another in Johannesburg and another member lives in Pretoria. At first, not being able to meet often posed a problem, but they’ve used messaging apps to their advantage. They’re in almost daily contact via their WhatsApp group. Members deposit their money by the first of every month. They add a bit extra to cover banking expenses and proof of payment is sent to the group via WhatsApp. Their August break-away is an important time for them as it’s one of the few times they get to see one another. As mothers, partners and career women it’s a time for them to…

SHE loves being married to her husband so much that she keeps saying “I do.” Actress Baby Cele is walking down the aisle... again. She married husband Thabo Maloka in a lavish ceremony in 2017. Now they’re sealing the deal with yet another traditional ceremony, umembeso. “It’s not a wedding. It’s a traditional ceremony. A final step to celebrate our union, to seal our marriage,” she says. TOGETHER FOREVER We catch up with the couple just before the craziness of the ceremony. She doesn’t have wedding jitters this time. “I’m already Mrs Maloka. We had our traditional wedding in 2017 at my husband’s home. What we’re doing is an exchange of gifts, known as umembeso. This is where the bride’s family receives gifts from the husband,” she explains. The gifts…

‘I WANT TO IMPART THE SKILL TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS I CAN’ THE backs of his knees are under his armpits and his feet are behind his head. If not for his relaxed, reassuring smile you would expect Justin Phahlane to be screaming in agony. Yet twisting himself like a pretzel is just another day at work for this professional contortionist. Contortionism is a form of physical performance which involves dramatic bending, flexing and twisting of the human body – and it’s the 31-year-old’s passion. PASSION WITH A PURPOSE The performer, who is also known as The Rubberman, tells Move! it began as a hobby when he was a child after he saw contortionists of The Great Moscow Circus in action in a televised performance. “I was amazed by…

DRUNK & DEAF A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin on St Patrick’s Day. His car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. “So,” the cop says to the driver, “where have you been?” “I’ve been to the pub,” the drunk slurs. “Well,”the cop says,“it looks like you’ve had quite a few.” “I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile. “Did you know,” the cop asks, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?” “Oh, thank heavens,” the man sighs. “For a while there I thought I’d gone deaf.” BIG IN TEXAS A blind man decides to visit Texas. When he boards the Texan airliner, he feels the seats and…

‘IF I FAKE A PREGNANCY AND MY PARTNER FINDS OUT, CAN I BE SUED FOR MISLEADING HIM?’ ARRESTED FOR RECKLESS DRIVING Q While driving, traffic officers tried to pull my car over to the side of the road but I refused to stop. I was rushing to get to a meeting. The traffic cops followed me and arrested me for failure to obey and for reckless driving. I am due in court. What will the implications be if I plead guilty? ANONYMOUS, EMAIL A If you plead guilty the court can order a suspended sentence with conditions. You can also be ordered to pay a fine or your driver’s licence may be suspended. You will also get a criminal record that will only be removed after 10 years. It’s best…

‘MY EX ISN’T INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR SON ’ TELLING MY FAMILY I’M A LESBIAN Q I started dating a woman in November last year. Before that, I was in an abusive relationship with the father of my daughter for four years. I love this woman and am no longer interested in men. My concern is that my family are very much against LGBTI. How do I tell my mom that I might be a lesbian? I’m also worried about how this new relationship will affect my daughter. ANONYMOUS, LIMPOPO A It may come as a shock to your mother and family especially because you mention that they’re against LGBTI. But it’s still important you speak to them and give them the opportunity to know what’s happening in…

Six months ago my husband was retrenched from work. He got all the money that was paid out to him but he was wasteful with it. He didn’t even pay off some of his debt. Now he doesn't have a cent and expects money from me. I have to support the kids and pay all the bills alone and I work as a cashier. I understand that it’s hard to find a job but I’m not coping and it’s putting a strain on our marriage. I love him but how does one cope and not stress when their partner has lost their job, regardless if they wasted their money or not? Can a marriage survive this storm? WORRIED THERE aren’t many words to describe what happens in the life of…

THERE’S a saying, “Any man can make a baby, but it takes a real man to be a father.” And there’s a lot of truth to that. Many of us know raising children is not as easy as making them. The pleasure of making a baby is often erased by the pressure to raise that child. We all have been perplexed and bamboozled by the violence, anger and rage displayed by kids in our communities. There’s a missing link to a puzzle we need to find. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW The first step we need to take is to check our input in our children’s lives. The principle is simple: you reap what you have sown. The Bible says to raise a child in the way of the Lord,…

13 OR LESS Hello! Sometimes men do like you! You need to be more alert or you’ll miss out on an opportunity with a nice guy. If a guy he pays you a compliment, look at what’s going on. If you like him, compliment him right back. 14–26 Yay! You’re just aware enough! You don’t go around thinking every man wants you, but if a hot guy told you he wanted to buy you champagne and give you a massage, you’d probably get the hint. Keep it that way please. 27 OR MORE You think every man wants you! Sometimes, a guy might just be offering to help you or genuinely like your hair. No one likes arrogant people, especially those who think everyone’s boyfriend wants to be her man.…

Muvhango star Dingaan Mokebe has called on men to do better when it comes to violence against women. The actor asked ‘why are we so violent?’ in a video he published on social media. Move! readers have their say. Inability to handle rejection. Growing up being told that monna ke nku ha alle. Learning to bottle things up and not expressing themselves to a point where they snap. So many things. - MOSA SEITLHOLO No, we're not. We're sick. We need help, but no one sees that. Until such time someone looks at the core of the problem, the nation will keep dying. - STANLEY SPHIWE ZUNGU I remember that you allegedly klapped a girl you were dating from Umlazi a couple of years ago. Maybe you can give us…

SHE spent years as the lively, successful yet down-to-earth salon owner who also happened to be Sechaba’s wife in Isidingo. And when she left the show last year, there were rumours of diva tendencies, which the tabloids hinted was the reason for her sudden exit. But there’s no diva-like behaviour when actress Tema Sebopedi shows up at the Move! offices. Dressed in black with a T-shirt and cap that says “Jesus”, she quickly gets comfortable by kicking off her sneakers and curling herself into a chair. She recently returned to the small screen after a 13-month break and she’s enjoying every minute of being back. Tema (35) plays the role of Tshegofatso “Tshego” Morule in Mzansi Magic’s The Throne. She’s the first wife of Prince Sello Morule, played by Zolisa…

HE’S always dreamt of seeing his name in lights, of waking up one day and having a hit track and working with big names in the industry. That dream has come true for TNS, real name Nkazimulo Ngema. Last year the singer made waves after he was featured on Prince Kaybee’s Club Controller and Banomoya. His vocals stole many hearts and his success is already bigger than he ever imagined. THE ULTIMATE DREAM “As a young boy I was always dreaming about a career in music and now I can actually be proud of myself because I produced some of the country’s hottest house beats,” he says. It all began in 2017 when the Durbanite met Prince Kaybee in his hometown and he played him a beat he’d made. “I…

SPRING FRESH Add a delightful fragrance to your home with the range of scented diffuser sets available at The Crazy Store. The elegantly packaged sets include scented oil and sticks which draw and release the delicate long-lasting aroma – beautifully packaged for an ideal gift. Choose between Vanilla, Lovely Flowers and White Lily. Get yours for R109,99. Head to your nearest Crazy Store – you never know what you might find! BEST FOR BABY Have you heard about the wonders of Baba Suur? It’s a trusted treatment for colic, hiccups, gas and hyperacidity in infants, as well as rashes and white spots that commonly appear on teething babies’ cheeks. Recommended with confidence, it’s an effective home remedy. Each 5ml contains magnesium hydroxide suspension in a flavoured base. Get yours from…

WHEN most young girls picture their wedding day, they see themselves in a glorious white gown with a long train, walking down the aisle to meet the love of their life. Or in colourful traditional dresses, covered in beads and welcomed with ululation to their in-laws’ home. Amanda Ndyebo* however, was dragged kicking and screaming to her “wedding”. The Eastern Cape woman was only 15 when she was abducted and married off to a man almost double her age. It was all part of an outdated practice, ukuthwala, in the rural areas where young girls are married off to older men, with the approval of their families. After eight years of marriage Amanda, now 24, managed to run away from her husband with her two children. Now their marriage and…

MIDI SKIRTS TIP This type of skirt accentuates your waist and creates a flattering silhouette. The length ends midway on your shin, so it’s suitable for most body shapes. WIDE-LEG PANTS TIP This type of pants lengthens your legs, especially if the hems overlap your shoes. Tuck your top in and pair it with heels for an elegant look. JUMPSUITS TIP Jumpsuits are a funky way to play with prints. They are an easy summer look to pull off and right on trend. FLORAL DRESSES TIP Summer dresses in floral prints and different colours are playful and make a statement. Pair a printed frock with neutral shoes. STOCKISTS ACKERMANS 0860-900-100; EDGARS 0800-203-925; MILDAYS 0800-212-535; MRP 0800-212-535; POETRY 021-419-0020; SISSY BOY 021-506-4600; THE FIX 0860-101-048;TRUWORTHS 021-460-2300; WOOLWORTHS 0860-022-002; YDE 021-460-2800; ZARA…

HE’S not your average uncle. His advice is often quirky and sometimes bizarre, his phrases come from a dictionary not yet invented and his antics frequently leave his onscreen family shocked. Throw it all together into one big pot of madness and magic and what do you get? Mzansi’s favourite malume (uncle). The vibrant Brutus played by Themba Ndaba (53) has been a fan favourite since The Queen premiered on Mzansi Magic in August 2016. And he seems to be the uncle with nine lives after surviving yet another near-death experience after he was tortured by The Queen’s Kagiso. Move! takes a look at what makes him the best and baddest uncle on the small screen. WHO IS HE? With his signature toothpick in his mouth and a drink in…

■ Many vibrators allow for clitoral stimulation while still enabling penetration by your partner. He's likely to enjoy the vibrations too! A win-win. ■ When shopping, ask if your purchase is dual-stimulating, clitoral only, rechargeable, battery-operated or bulleted. ■ Battery-powered toys are often more compact and lightweight. Rechargeable ones last longer but are more powerful and pricey. ■ Invest in toys that are body-safe and from reputable brands. Check website reviews and get recommendations from friends you trust. ■ There's also a range of toys for men including a vibrating masturbator, penis ring and prostate massager. ■ Remember, what works for one might not work for you. Everyone’s body is different. ■ Introducing a sex toy into the bedroom with your partner requires talking about it before making any purchases.…

WOMEN and children in South Africa are more vulnerable than ever before. Over the past year, 2 771 women and 1 014 children were killed, and a staggering 52 420 sexual offences were reported, according to the latest figures released by the SAPS. The fear of femicide – killing women because of their gender – has made us scared to leave our homes, and has us looking anxiously over our shoulders when we do go out. Many women now carry some sort of self-defence weapon – for example, a key to stab an attacker in the eye or pepper spray to blind them. In response, technology has opened a world of devices that can alert emergency services, family and friends. Here’s a selection of safety tools you might want to…

KGAUGELO KETSO Two people should always be honest about their finances. If you’re broke, let your partner know so they can lower their expectations or even better know how to help. That is true partnership. PATTIE WA MOKONE KONE I keep my cards to myself, hide my cash and make sure I handle my finances. Nowadays people think their partners will help them to pay off their debts. If you got yourself into debt, it’s up to you to get yourself out. ZOTHANDO NTENTULE I think it is important to sit down and communicate about your finances. Budget together. Be honest with each other about your debts to avoid surprises. Always look for ways to solve minor problems and conflicts.…

IN SEPTEMBER, for the third time this year, gospel sensation Hlengiwe Mhlaba survived a car crash. In an interview with Move! she makes it known that she will not give Satan any attention by continuing to talk about the crash. “I will not speak from a position of defeat, I always want to speak from a position of victory,” she says. Instead, she is grateful for who God is in her life, through good and bad times. TRUSTING GOD With all the challenges throughout her journey, Hlengiwe says she has never doubted God. Even after this crash, where she came out unharmed after trying to avoid a car driving towards her, she says she still boldly says to God, “I made the right choice when I decided to follow You.”…

LOOKING FOR LOVE ■ Hi! I’m a 26-year-old guy and I’m looking for a girl between the ages of 19 and 25 living in or around Tembisa, or not far from Tembisa. Please don’t contact me if you’re not serious. If interested WhatsApp me on: 074-720-4778 ■ I’m a single lady looking for a man between 21 and 50 from the Verulam or Stanger areas. Contact me on: 073-211-2144 SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS ■ I’m a 32-year-old born-again Christian lady from Emalahleni. I’m looking for a man after God’s heart who will love me and accept my kids. If you are ready for a commitment, WhatsApp me on: 079-338-2988 ■ I’m a 34-year-old God-fearing woman with two kids. I’m looking for an independent, mature, God-fearing man between 34 and 40 with or…

IT’S THAT time of the year. High school pupils around the country are putting on their very best dresses and suits for a night spent celebrating their final high school year with friends. Matric dances have become fancier year on year as pupils going all out for their special evening – the best hair, the sharpest cars, the right shoes and the perfect makeup. Various high schools held their dances recently and we got in on the action. Let us celebrate with you! Send photos of your matric dance to move@media24.com and you could have your special evening featured in Move!…

IT was eight years ago that I was diagnosed with HIV. Receiving this news came as a complete shock to me. Back then I was told that the only people who are infected with HIV are people who sleep around with every Tom, Dick and Harry in town. Of course, I know better now. But there I was, at just 17 years old, with no boyfriend. No sleeping around. My priorities were my books, school, family and friends and passionately preaching the gospel. How could this be happening to me? ACCEPTING LIFE WITH HIV I told myself over and over again that I have to accept my status. So I started disclosing it to those who I trusted and were close to me. Some of them believed me and some…