The recent surge in viral popularity of verticallyfilmedsmartphonevideosof peoplejumpingintoBassProShopsaquariumshasbeenamusingformostfolks, butformeit’sbeensomewhatexasperating. Atleastafewtimeseachweekfor thelasttwomonths, I’vehadtoexplaintodifferentpeoplethatjustbecausethenewsmediawebsites( andLilWayne) areallusingaphotoofmeinthetankeverytimesomebodyjumpsinone, itdoesn’tmeanI’vegonebackformore, andthenIhavetotellthemthewholestory. So, here’sashorttaleaboutmyquickdipintotheBassProShopsaquarium.
Aboutfiveyearsago, myselfandsomeoftheboyswereonawinchtripthroughSouthFlorida, jumpingdownspillways, slidingconcreteledges, andenjoyingthefreedomoflifeontheroad. We’dbeenstackingclipsandphotosforaboutaweekwhenweneededtostockuponcampingsupplies. It’simportanttonotethatI’dbeenoutofthewaterforanentiremonthduetoanankleinjuryandhadbeenconfinedtodri vingthewinchorshootingphotosthewholetrip. TosayIwasfullofpent- upenergyisanunderstatement. Pullingintotheparkinglot, someonecrackedajokeaboutdivingintotheaquariumwithaGoPro, andwekeptembellishingthehypotheticalscenariountilit startedtosoundmorelikewewereactuallyplanningdetailstha njoking. BythetimesomeoneaskedifIwasreallygoingtodoit, wewerewalkinginwithacoupleofwell- hiddencamerasandIhadalreadycommittedtolookingthroughtheglassfromtheotherside.
Wespreadoutaroundthestore, someheadingtothesecondlevelforabetterview, thenIgavethesignalandscaledtheartificialrockwalluptotheedgeofthewater, pastthestuffeddeerandcoyote. TakingadeepbreathandsmilingintomyGoPro, Islinkedquietlyintothecorneroftheaquarium, fullyclothed, andswamdownintothemiddleoftheassortedfishspecies, wholookedalmostasperplexedandstartledasthefamilyoffourstandingontheothersideoftheglass. Iwasonlyunderforabout10seconds, butinthatgreensilence, IimaginedthatalarmsweregoingoffthroughoutthestoreandBassProShopscommandoswouldbepoppingoutofthetentsect iontoconfrontme. Iemergedfromthewateronlytofindmoresilenceandtowatchmyfriendsscurrybackintotheclothingrackstoremaininco nspicuous.Idrip- driednexttothestuffeddeerfornearlyaminutebeforehoppingbackdownandmakingmyescape. Iwasinterceptedbyanamazinglyragefulmanagerneartheexit, buttherestoftheemployeesseemedmoreconcernedaboutcontaininghimthantheywereaboutme( hewassayingsomeprettyawfulthings), soIwalkedoutthefrontdoor, ditchedtheguythey’dsenttofollowme, andcircledbacktotherendezvouspoint: anearbyItalianrestaurantwheretheboysandIlaughedoverourlittleBassProadventure.
I’mbannedforlife, butreallytheworstpartishavingtobetheposterboyforalltheseamateursgettingbrokenoffandhurtingthemselves. Maybeifoneofthemcouldmanagetogetadecentphoto, I’dbeoutofthelimelight. Until then ……