Содержание выпуска: 12 December 2017 — Closer

It wouldn’t be Christmas without stuffing ourselves silly with goodies while opening gifts around the tree… and, of course, the fab treat that is Closer’s 156-page special! It’s all about family, with Cheryl looking forward to baby number two with Liam Payne, while new mums Ferne McCann and Danielle Lloyd give us an exclusive peek into their first Christmases with their adorable newborns. It’s also a time for thinking about others – our real-life report on page 24 looks at those coping with loneliness and how you can help. You won’t miss the best shows with our 33-page TV guide, while eight of our fave celebs will help you prepare a feast. And, if you’re looking forward to hitting the town, see our 10-page Festive Style Guide. Merry Christmas! LISA…

It’s been a roller-coaster year for Wayne and Coleen Rooney and not without a whiff of scandal. In August, the footballer was accused of “kissing and cuddling” Laura Simpson, 29, after a night out that ended with him being arrested for drink-driving, which she denied. Last month, Coleen, 31, took to Facebook to acknowledge their issues, admitting that while they had decided to stay together, Wayne had made “silly and selfish mistakes.” Now friends say the couple – who have sons Kai, eight, Klay, four, and 11-month-old Kit, and are expecting their fourth child together – are determined to work on their marriage over the festive season. An insider says, “Coleen is tired from the drama and wants to enjoy precious family time where she and Wayne can reconnect. He’s…

Just months after her successful stint on Strictly last year with professional partner Kevin Clifton, cracks appeared in her 18-year marriage to Jamie Redknapp – and insiders recently confirmed that Louise Redknapp and her footballer husband had filed for divorce. But in a sensational twist, sources revealed that Jamie, 44, had feared Louise, 43, and Kevin, 35, were having a secret affair during their time together on the show – and that he made a panicked phone call to Kevin’s wife Karen Clifton, 35, late last year. Kevin and Karen’s two-year marriage is also now said to be on the brink of collapse and insiders claim that Karen – who has reportedly struck up a new romance with accountant Stuart Wood – blames Louise for everything. A source says, “Louise…

❛I CRIED LOOKING AT PHOTOS ON SOCIAL MEDIA, THEN WENT TO BED EARLY❜ It’s traditionally a time when families and friends come together to celebrate and stuff themselves silly with food and drink but, for many people, Christmas is painfully lonely. An estimated four million in the UK spend 25 December on their own, many of them young people. According to a poll by mental health charity Mind, one in ten people aged between 25 and 34 have nobody to share Christmas with, and this loneliness epidemic isn’t confined to the festive period. A fifth of the population admit to feeling “always or often lonely”, while more than half of UK parents feel “cut off’. DEPRESSION At Christmas, this sense of isolation can feel even worse. Psychologist Dr Karin Peters…

BILLIE FAIERS BFF Billie sent a heartfelt message to pregnant Ferne in May, writing, “I’m very proud… I cannot wait to share this amazing journey.” VICKY PATTISON Speaking after the arrival of baby Sunday, Vicky said of her pal, “She’s an incredible person and she deserves this happiness.” GEMMA COLLINS Broody TOWIE star Gemma said, “I saw Ferne’s baby Sunday and she melted my heart. She’s just got Ferne’s spirit.”…

❛SHE’S GETTING GIFTS FOR EVERYONE INCLUDING GEORGE AND CHARLOTTE❜ Her engagement to Prince Harry caused a sensation last month, and Meghan Markle’s journey to becoming part of the Royal family was sealed with a reported invitation to spend Christmas with the Queen on her Sandringham estate. It’s a huge step for the former actress, with the traditional event only being attended by close family. A source says, “Meghan’s spent so much time apart from Harry since they got together and she said that last Christmas was miserable without him. She loves the idea of being with him and his family this year. “She’s getting gifts for everyone, including his nephew George and niece Charlotte, who she wants to spoil rotten.” The day will follow a strict timetable, with the family…

It’s been yet another eventful year for superstar singer Robbie Williams. In September, he was struck down by a mystery illness and forced to cancel the remainder of his tour. But the former Take That star, 43, who has battled depression and addictions to drink and drugs, is back to full health and looking forward to a merry Christmas with wife Ayda Field, 38, and their children, Theodora, five, and Teddy, three. CAPTAIN CHRISTMAS He says, “There are always lots of presents, because Ayda’s great at buying them. I don’t buy any; I leave it all to her. She’s Captain Christmas and loves that stuff – she lives for it.” It’s thanks to Ayda and their kids that Robbie – who proposed on Christmas Day in 2009 – finally enjoys…

It’s a show as famous for making and breaking relationships as it is for the dancing, but despite remaining tight-lipped on love rumours, Mollie King and her pro partner AJ Pritchard have reportedly ramped up their blossoming romance. The former Saturdays singer, 30 – who recently admitted, “I love being in love” – has been close to AJ, 23, ever since they were partnered on the show back in September. They were pictured looking cosy when they attended last month’s Pride of Britain Awards, and AJ’s father said he’d already met Mollie several times and likened them to being “a married couple.” Speculation went into overdrive at the beginning of the month when the show’s co-host Claudia Winkleman commented on AJ’s claim they’re prepared to train “300 hours a week,”…

‘I’m scared I won’t love another child as much as Fifi’ The lavish details of her extravagant lifestyle have dominated the headlines since her reality show Tamara’s World first aired last month – and we were in for a treat when heiress Tamara Ecclestone invited us to a Christmas tea at her £70m London home. “Christmas is my favourite time of year,” smiles Tamara, as she sits in a chair that looks like a gigantic throne. “We’ve decorated our own Christmas tree and we are going to have big nutcracker dolls and candy canes decorating the house. Then we’re all going to my sister Petra’s house in Los Angeles to celebrate this year. It’s so lovely to have the family all under one roof – it’s like we’re having a…

He recently threw a secret festival-themed wedding vow renewal, surrounded by his EastEnders co-stars and Strictly Come Dancing friends. And despite Jake Wood putting on an impressive “mini Glastonbury” to mark 23 years together with wife Alison Murray and their 16th wedding anniversary, he admits they’re planning a very un-starry Christmas. Jake, who is dad to Amber, 12, and Buster, nine, says, “We’re very traditional and we’ll just be at home with the tree and all the trimmings. “It’s family time with the kids. They get their wish lists up on the wall in November and they’re full of ridiculous presents, but Santa usually does quite well. There’s always a mince pie and a brandy, so he turns up! “Obviously I’ll be getting socks – the more colourful the better! That’s…

The megawatt sleeves and galactic embellishment make this knee-length dress on point! Trade in heels for thigh-high boots, then layer the dress over a polo neck come January. This sophisticated cocktail dress has a classic slip shape, so can be worn for years to come. To cover up, wear over a contrasting sequinned, sleeved top. This tapered lace dress is fab on hourglass shapes. It’s a timeless frock, but it can be updated with fancy footwork – cue silver boots – to give it a new lease of life, year-on-year. Need something for New Year’s Eve? This A-line dress conceals a multitude of body woes and yet it’s still dazzling! Ideal for dinner and dancing! This frock is a real head turner. Throw a knit on top and buddy up…

GET LUCKY Pop a scratch card in with festive greeting cards for a simple present that might make this Christmas one to really remember. NATIONAL LOTTERY £1 EACH PLAYTIME This wooden jungle-themed set of ball and skittles will keep little ones nicely entertained. For ages three and over. WILKO £7 GO GREEN Help green-fingered gran and gramps keep their allotment in order with this handy garden organiser tin. BURGON & BALL AT EBAY £8.95 HAPPY HAIR This cult status brand will ensure tresses look their best while earning you some cool points. PHILIP KINGSLEY AT JOHN LEWIS £10 FOR SET GLITTER BUG Treat your bestie to a could-be-designer embellished bag – it’ll make a chic finishing touch to a glitzy NYE outfit. PRIMARK £8 PURRR-FECT Don’t forget to include your…

RELATIONSHIPS CELEBRATE BEING SINGLE OVER THE HOLIDAYS More than a third of UK adults aren’t in a relationship, Emma advises how to ensure being on your own doesn’t get you down Being single at Christmas can evoke mixed feelings. On the one hand, you don’t have to bother finding an ideal gift for a partner, or splitting your celebration between two families but, on the other, you won’t have someone to snuggle up with, watching Love Actually and drinking mulled wine. Mindset is everything, so see being single as a choice. It isn’t that you can’t find a boyfriend – it is that you have high standards and aren’t willing to settle. And catch up with close friends. Research shows it boosts your mood and generally helps you feel positive.…

It’s yonks since Tracy and Steve, who share daughter Amy, were all loved-up, but they end up together this Christmas… SIMON, 43: They’ve never really liked each other so we were a bit shocked, but we’re very good friends and have a laugh, so we put that into the relationship… KATE, 40: It’s sexual, mostly. SIMON: Tracy is, er, rude – which pleases Steve. That’s how we’re playing it. So how do they hook up? KATE: When they go to their daughter Amy’s carol concert they smuggle in a hip flask. They get drunk and spend the night together and then it’s like, “Oh well, we might as well go along with this for a bit…” SIMON: Yeah, because Steve’s been single for ages. And she’s been single for ages.…

The Chris episode all about family – and Queen Victoria takes in an African orphan, right? JENNA, 31: I think Victoria is like a queen from another world, and she’s always been curious about other cultures and traditions. Sarah enters Victoria’s life as an orphan, abandoned and alone, and I think Victoria can see something of herself in her. Victoria and Albert are both from broken homes and dysfunctional childhoods, so by trying to help Sarah, Victoria eases the wounds of her own experiences. Do you have a favourite scene from the festive episode? J: I loved the children coming in to open their presents on Christmas Eve, mainly because they were so excited! The snow and ice skating scenes are very special, too. TOM, 32: I enjoyed it all.…

THE ONLY WAY IS ESSEXMAS ROMANCE FOR GEM? SUN 17 DEC, 10PM, ITVBE Can Arg and Gemma get back on track? That is the big question, and frankly we won’t be able to focus on important present-wrapping until we find out… Bobby grills his pal on her recent allnighter with Arg, but just how truthful is she being about their “friendship”? MADE IN CHELSEA’S CHRISTMAS DING DONG END OF SEASON BASH XMAS DAY, 10PM, E4 It’s the end-of-season party and Rick Edwards is here to remind the cast of those awkward moments from the series gone by. Look out for a saucy Santa and a nativity scene with a Chelsea twist (and in the 18 Dec episode, festivities are well underway). TAMARA’S WORLD GO LARGE OR GO HOME WED 20…

❛SHE’S GETTING MATCHING ONESIES FOR HERSELF, LIAM AND BEAR❜ She’s busily preparing for her first Christmas with her nine-month-old son Bear, and as Cheryl plans to make it her most special one yet, insiders reveal she’s already told boyfriend Liam Payne she’s ready for another baby next year. A source says, “Cheryl’s besotted with Bear and has been looking forward to her first Christmas with him for ages – she started buying gifts months ago and has been planning every little detail to ensure it’s all perfect. “She’s had a special designer n to help decorate the house and she has three trees, lights adorning the entire house and has arranged for ‘Santa’ to come for an afternoon so Bear can meet him for the first time in the comfort…

‘I’ll be drunk, so I won’t be cooking dinner!’ Despite tearfully ending her 15-month romance with jailbird Joey Morrison in July, Lauren Goodger has remained close to her ex – even visiting him in prison last month. Opening up about the on-off relationship recently, she insisted, “We’re still mates. There’s no bad blood.” Lauren, 31, has also stayed in touch with Joey’s family and posted a photo alongside his pregnant sister Char last month, as well as recently wishing his brother Kyal Johnson a happy birthday on her Instagram. And after spending the festive season with Joey’s family last year, Lauren tells Closer she may well be seeing them again this Christmas. FESTIVE FUN She says, “I’m still mates with Joey and his family and I see them all the…

❛SHE THINKS IT WILL BE LOVELY FOR ALL THEIR KIDS TO BE TOGETHER THIS YEAR❜ Dubbing Jordan and Peter Andre’s relationship as “acrimonious” following their 2009 split is an understatement. After years of mud-slinging and costly legal battles, they ended with a truce last year, with Peter confirming, “It’s all nice, very civilised.” But it wasn’t long before tension mounted again as Closer recently reported how Jordan, 39, was disappointed when Pete – who has Amelia, three, and Theo, one – with wife Emily MacDonagh – rejected her invitation to all spend Christmas together. And pals say the mum-of-five – real name Katie Price – is secretly hoping she can surprise Pete, who has joint custody of Junior, 12, and Princess, ten – this year. BUILDING BRIDGES A source says,…

She’s had a roller-coaster year, after her third marriage to ex con George Kay crumbled in July, then her fling with comedian James English hit the skids in September. But insiders say mum-of-five Kerry has finally found happiness after moving in with pal Ampika Pickston while she stars in panto, and is planning to spend Christmas with her five kids at the star’s Cheshire mansion. Kerry – who’s mum to Molly, 16, Lilly-Sue, 14, Heidi, 10, Max, nine, and Dylan-Jorge, three – has also told pals she loves being near her best friend Danielle Brown, sister to Mel B. A source reveals, “Kerry and Ampika have an amazing bond and Kerry loves their friendship. Ampika has a personal chef and treats Kerry to loads of beauty treatments. Kerry’s told pals…

• Get involved in comedian Sarah Millican’s Twitter campaign to connect people on Christmas Day. Search #joinin and chat to others who are alone. • Volunteer – check out Community Christmas to see what’s happening in your local area. Visit www.communitychristmas.org.uk • Help the elderly and feel part of something by joining in with Abbeyfield’s nationwide Companionship at Christmas events. Visit www.abbeyfield.com/get-involved/campaign AND IF YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT BEING ON YOUR OWN THIS CHRISTMAS, TRY THESE SIMPLE TIPS… • Get out of the house. A short walk breaks up the day and you may meet others on the journey and feel part of things. • Spoil yourself. You might not cook a whole turkey, but you can still treat yourself to your favourite meal, chocolates and bubbly. • Book a last-minute…

Amessy break-up from her co-presenter and on/off boyfriend Stephen Bear, combined with coping with the shock baby news from her long-term ex Gary Beadle means it’s safe to say Charlotte Crosby has had quite a traumatic year. In contrast to her excitement in 2016, when she told Closer she was buying decorations months in advance, this time round she says she’s not looking forward to Christmas. Charlotte, 27, reveals, “I’ll probably have my family round to my house up in Newcastle. You’ve got to have family around you at this time of year, haven’t you? But saying that, I’ve decided I don’t like Christmas. I’ll probably stay in bed all day – it’s actually just like any other boring day.” TOUGH TIMES And Charlotte, who lost 2½st at the end…

❛ LAST YEAR THEY BURNED THE TURKEY AND GOT 20 LASHINGS EACH ❜ Unwrapping her gifts and enjoying a relaxing foot rub, Karen Louise spends the festive period being treated like a princess. On Christmas Day, the 35-year-old dominatrix will ditch her family to spend time with her three favourite slaves – who do everything from cooking the turkey to crooning her favourite carols, all the while dressed as elves. And her festive helpers risk being punished and whipped if anything is less than perfect. Karen – who goes by the name of Mistress Kaz and lives in Reading with her boyfriend, Anthony* , 40, says, “For the past three years, it has become tradition for me to enjoy the company of my slaves on Christmas Day. “They pay £250…

“MY SONS, JEAN, NINE, AND JACQUES, FIVE, ARE EARLY RISERS AND THEY GET UP AT 6AM ON CHRISTMAS DAY. We follow the French tradition of opening presents on Christmas Eve. It’s very special. This means the first thing we do every Christmas morning is sit down for a tasty breakfast of toast, cheese, eggs and a glass of milk. AFTER BREAKFAST, WE’LL VISIT MY PARENTS THEN MY 27-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER CHRISTINA. We’ll arrive back home after midday, then we’ll sit down for our big Christmas dinner at 3pm. CHRISTMAS DAY IS THE ONE DAY OF THE YEAR WHEN I DON’T COOK, SO MY WIFE MICHELLE [KENNEDY, 41], HANDLES EVERYTHING. I’ll take care of our 14-month-old son Valentino and watch my two other boys playing. We usually have a traditional British feast…

‘I couldn’t be happier – I’m living in a dream’ As she coos over her three-month-old son Ronnie at our exclusive shoot, you’d hardly suspect glamorous-looking Danielle has endured such a difficult year. But the past 12 months saw her estranged relationship with ex-husband Jamie O’Hara hit boiling point after he entered the Celebrity Big Brother house and painful memories of their split were dragged up. The former couple became embroiled in a series of toxic Twitter spats and accusations. And Danielle, who was then pregnant with her partner Michael O’Neill’s child, was left bed-bound early on in her pregnancy, due to “crippling migraines” caused by stress. But after giving birth to baby Ronnie in September, and moving house in October, Danielle says she’s finally found happiness and is looking…

She’s the posh girl from Made In Chelsea who, week by week, stole our hearts on I’m A Celeb!. And Georgia “Toff” Toffolo, 23, looks set to make a fortune from her winning ways in the jungle. She impressed millions by taking on the most gruesome of challenges – from eating animal anuses to lying in a pit filled with snakes – and always with a smile on her face. One fan Tweeted, “I swear Toff has more balls than all of the men in the camp,” while another added, “She threw herself into every challenge and just got on with it.” It wouldn’t be the first time a reality star has transformed their career after gaining an army of fans from their stint in the Australian bush. Since winning…

She’s endured her share of tough battles, undergoing a double mastectomy in 2012 and a full hysterectomy just two years later after discovering she carried the potentially deadly BRCA2 gene, which increases the risk of getting breast and ovarian cancer. But Michelle Heaton tells Closer she’s ready for a new challenge next year. The 38 year old – who has daughter Faith, five, and son Aaron, three, with husband Hugh Hanley – says she wants to star in Bear Grylls’ show The Island, where celebs are placed in a remote location and forced to fend for themselves. She says, “My resolution for 2018 is to go on Bear Grylls’ survival show. I always watch it and I’d enjoy challenging myself. I love a new project and it would be a…

She’s often praised for her chic style as a judge on Britain’s Got Talent and even has her own clothing collection. But Alesha Dixon admits her most-cherished Christmas gift ever was a woolly festive jumper her grandmother made. She says, “My favourite present still to this day was a jumper my nan knitted me. I love it because it was personally tailored and she knitted it herself. No one else has it and it’s the only one. It’s got love woven into it!” ENJOYING THE MOMENT Alesha, 39, is a doting mum to four-year-old daughter Azura with partner of seven years Azuka Ononye and says Christmas is a huge family affair. But she jokes that her brother usually takes charge of the cooking duties, so she’s free to put up…

GET HER LOOK NICOLE RICHIE, 36 Reality star Nicole gave us all the festive feels in her metallic green wrap-dress, which she styled with a blingy brooch and statement jewellery. Bag your Christmas party outfit with this copycat creation for under £100, all in. WHO WORE IT BEST? MAYA JAMA VS SARAH-JANE CRAWFORD It must have been an awkward run-in when presenter Maya Jama and reality star Sarah-Jane Crawford wore the exact same £150 dress by high-street fave Missguided on the red carpet. Maya styled hers up with faux-fur and statement earrings, while Sarah-Jane went for minimal accessories and sparkly shoes. Luckily, they both dazzled thanks to all those incredible crystals. VERDICT We love Sarah-Jane’s double dose of sparkle, but Maya wins extra points for her styling effort. She’s really…

8AM The 25 December is all about family for me. We’re usually in Tennessee or Hawaii. This year, we’ll be in my new LA house. I always spend it at home with my parents, my sister Keala and nieces. We get up early as the girls are too excited to stay in bed – I am too! 8.15AM I always buy novelty onesies for everybody and we spend all day in them. I spend so much time dressed up for X Factor in the weeks before, so I don’t want any fuss or fancy outfits. Last year, I was starring in the West End production of Cats, so I flew all my family over to stay with me in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s London flat. We’d planned to go for a…

This week, Closer has teamed up with Jane Norman to offer all readers 25 per cent off of their latest collection, from 12 December 2017 until midnight 25 December 2017. Whether you’re looking for that perfect last-minute party dress or fancy a wardrobe refresh for 2018, Jane Norman has it sorted. Shop for everything, from glittering tops for the office Christmas party to cool slogan tees to transform your look for 2018. If you can’t wear sequins on New Year’s Eve then when can you? For the ultimate glittering party piece, check out singer Amelia Lily’s collection, or simply beat the cold January weather with an on-trend coat. To see all the latest collections, plus Amelia Lily x Jane Norman, visit Janenorman.com. HOW TO CLAIM Redeem your 25 per cent…

GIVE GRANNY LOVE, NOT MORE SHERRY! Experts want us to give our time, not booze, amid soaring drinking rates. Dr C agrees, but for a better reason – loneliness Campaigners are saying we should swap our go-to grandparent gift of a bottle of alcohol for company because older drinkers now consume more alcohol than any other age group. The number of alcohol-specific deaths in people aged 50 plus has risen 45 per cent since 2001, with the biggest increase among 80-84 year olds. That’s worrying, but I think loneliness is even more so. LONELY BUT PROUD Almost three-quarters of older people in the UK are lonely and more than half of them have never told anyone, not wanting to be a burden, so you might not know that loneliness is…

MUST READ The Devil’s Claw (LARA DEARMAN) Following a traumatic incident in London, Jennifer Dorey has returned to her childhood home in Guernsey, taking a job as a reporter at the local newspaper. After the discovery of a drowned woman on a local beach, Jennifer uncovers a pattern of similar deaths that have taken place over the past fifty years, and she follows a dark trail of island myths and folklore. But with the killer’s identity about to be uncovered, he now has Jennifer in his sights… An edge-of-your-seat read. GET YOUR SKATES ON! Here’s our round-up of the UK’s best ice-skating rinks EDINBURGH: Take a spin around this historic city’s amazing circular ice rink. From £5pp. BRIGHTON: With the backdrop of the beautiful Royal Pavilion, this skate session is…

Tell us about the special festive episode of The Great British Bake Off …? PRUE, 77: It was my first ever Christmas episode, and it was extraordinary – as one of the days we filmed was in July. It did seem strange to be wearing a Christmas jumper in the middle of the summer… PAUL, 51: We filmed one episode in July and one in September [there are two GBBO specials]. The atmosphere in the tent was great – and we did a couple of very special things that were the highlight of my year. Despite the warm sunshine outside, were you feeling festive? PAUL: I wear a really naff Christmas jumper in both of the episodes, but I don’t mind at all – it’s all…

What’s in store in your Christmas Party show? It’s really very exciting and lots of fun. We invite some well-loved names from the world of television – not all of whom cook – to prepare the main dishes with me for my buffet-style Christmas party. I hope it will be an enjoyable, fun treat to watch and perfect for festive food ideas in the run-up to Christmas. What kind of cooks were they? Alex Jones was hilarious! She told me she goes home for Christmas and her “mam”, as she calls her, is a brilliant cook, so Alex doesn’t do any herself – but instead lays the table and clears up. What about Fearne Cotton? Fearne has written cookery books and is a keen cake baker, but she’d never made…

STRICTLY FINAL / XMAS SPECIAL STRICTLY-TASTIC SAT16 DEC / XMAS DAY, 6.30PM, BBC1 A whole 13 glitter-tastic weeks ago, celebs dripping in fake tan and sequins hit the Strictly dance floor. Now it’s time for someone to count that Glitter Ball trophy among their Christmas presents – excitement! Don’t miss the Christmas Day special as well, when the likes of Kimberley Walsh and Colin Jackson rock around the festive tree. MRS BROWN’S BOYS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL IRISH MAMMY BACK XMAS DAY, 10PM, BBC1 It wouldn’t be Christmas without Agnes Brown and her boys, so TV’s most famous Irish mammy puts in another appearance (and she’ll be back on New Year’s Day as well). Expect mayhem. THE GREAT CHRISTMAS BAKE OFF WITH BAKERS PAST! XMAS DAY, 7.40PM, C4 The first of two…

ALAN PARTRIDGE: WHY, WHEN, WHERE, HOW AND WHOM? SENSATIONAL COMEBACK WED 27 DEC, 9PM, BBC2 It’s a quarter of a century (!) since Britain’s best broadcaster Alan Partridge landed his own radio show, Knowing Me Knowing You With Alan Partridge (KMKYWAP for short) and thus, a legend was born. A new series is here in 2018 (A-HA!) but, until then, it’s time for this sensational comeback. MIRANDA DOES CHRISTMAS BASICALLY THE MIRANDA SHOW WED 27 DEC, 9PM, C4 This sees Miranda carol singing with a “guest star” (secret), rewarding her audience, plus spreading romance. David Tennant and Bake Off’s Prue are among famous pals dropping by. 300 YEARS OF FRENCH & SAUNDERS DOUBLE ACT RETURN! XMAS DAY, 10.35PM, BBC1 Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders bring us some brand-new material for…

RATBURGER ONE FOR THE KIDS XMAS EVE, 6PM, SKY ONE David Walliams and Sheridan Smith are a great combo in this adaptation of Walliams’ kids’ book. It’s about a young girl called Zoe who makes friends with a dancing rat. Walliams plays shifty burger man Burt, while Sheridan is the wicked stepmother. THE HIGHWAY RAT LOVELY ANIMATION XMAS DAY, 4.45PM, BBC1 Julia Donaldson’s kids’ story sees David Tennant voicing the villainous rat who robs from all the animals in his world. Rob Brydon is the narrator, and Julia D says the rat is “one of her worst baddies.” Plonk the nippers in front of it and hit the Cava. THE ROYAL VARIETY PERFORMANCE 2017 MIRANDA AGAIN! TUE 19 DEC, 7.30PM, ITV Miranda Hart is everywhere this Yule! Here, she’s on…

IF IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK In the coming year, you can expect lots of lessons (whether you want them or not), someone much older or younger than you to loom larger in your life, plus a challenge that asks you to think about the good, even when life feels bleak. It’s a big year! THIS WEEK’S CELEB STAR SIGN SAGITTARIUS NOV-21 DEC So, when’s the party? 20 December sees the tedious Saturn finally leaving your sign (he’s been in there since 2014). There is a safe bet you’re now wiser, thanks to all the Saturnian tests you’ve passed. Now it’s time for you to get real, financially. To make the most of 2018, visit Moonmessages.com/lifeplanner. CAPRICORN 22 DEC-20 JAN Here comes demanding Saturn into your sign for the first…

Things turn nasty when Santa discovers Eamonn has polished off all the sherry – AGAIN! In these times of auterity, Stacey can only afford half a tree. Maybe branch out into a new career, Stace? CHARLOTTE CROSBY Don’t be so harsh on yourself, Charl. This is the only time of year when it’s acceptable to pig out and spend more time under the duvet! JODIE MARSH Something tells us this is the first time Jodie’s ever worried about “flashing a bit”. We’ve all seen the outfits (or lack of). INSPIGRAM VICKY PATTISON And by 37, Vicky, it involves an entire day sobbing and vomiting into a bucket, followed by three days of post-booze blues. Yay! The GC finds a lovely big package waiting for her under the tree. And doesn’t…

❛SHE’S REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING TO KNOW ARG BETTER❜ She’s endured a tough time since jetting out to Australia to host I’m A Celeb: Extra Camp last month – accusing fat shamers of bullying her online and reportedly struggling over her October break up from on/off boyfriend Luke Crodden. But pals say Scarlett Moffatt is smiling again after finding happiness with a new man in Australia – with speculation rife that she’s grown close to TOWIE’s James “Arg” Argent after they were snapped getting closer last week. A source reveals, “The past few weeks have been tough for Scarlett, with her split from Luke and being upset about being targeted for her weight. “Arg has helped to cheer her up – he’s been a good distraction and came along…

‘I’m glad I had a girl – we’ll be twinning for life!’ It’s been a year that’s turned her life upside down, with Ferne McCann settling down and, in April, publicly declaring she’d fallen in love with Arthur Collins, just days before he was arrested for his part in an acid attack in an east London nightclub. And Ferne, 27 – who last month gave birth to their daughter Sunday and also completely cut ties with Arthur – has said despite having a “turbulent” six months in which she’s cried every day, she is looking forward to a big traditional Christmas to celebrate Sunday’s first one ever with her family. POWER COUPLE Ferne says, “Everyone spoilt Sunday with gifts as soon as I gave birth, so I don’t want to…

It’s been an eventful year for best friends Billie Faiers and Ferne McCann. In March Billie – who has Nelly, three – gave birth to her second child, Arthur, with fiancé Greg Shepherd. While Ferne’s daughter Sunday arrived last month, just weeks before her ex, Arthur Collins, was found guilty of a nightclub acid attack. So, as the former TOWIE girls count down to Christmas, Billie, 27, tells Closer this year they’re swapping glam nights out in Brentwood, Essex, for relaxed girls’ nights in. She says, “I definitely will visit Ferne and Sunday. We’ll probably have a few cosy nights in with takeaways and movies – nothing too wild as the baby [Sunday] will be so young, so it will definitely be a chilled one for us this year.” HAPPY…

JORDAN DAVIES They met on Ex On The Beach in 2015, and he proposed on the show the following year. The pair split four months later. STEPHEN BEAR Megan and Stephen hooked up on Ex On The Beach in 2015, where she unleashed her infamous temper. SCOTTY T Geordie Shore's Scott described Megan as a “nightmare” after a brief romance in the Celebrity Big Brother house in 2016. PETE WICKS The TOWIE co-stars had a fiery on/off 18-month relationship, but split for good in October this year. HARRY EDEN She dated former child actor Harry for two years from 2012. She reportedly had a rebound fling with him after she split from Pete.…

With two young daughters, it’s fair to say busy mum Rochelle Humes doesn’t have much spare time to herself, which is why she can’t wait to chill out over Christmas. The former Saturdays star, 28, says she’s got all her Christmas work out of the way and can’t wait to relax with her husband – former JLS member Marvin, 32 – and daughters Alaia-Mai, four, and nine-month-old Valentina Raine. She says, “We literally do nothing over Christmas and I can’t wait! I just want to spend time with the family.” FAMILY TIME Rochelle – who currently presents Ninja Warrior UK, Children In Need and is a stand-in presenter for Lorraine – says she’s even got out of cooking the dinner, as her father-in-law Colin takes control of the kitchen. She…

‘The show has given me back my Debbie sparkle’ She’s been dazzling us on the dance floor in Strictly with her super-fit body and jaw-dropping routines, competing against contestants half her age. And Debbie McGee, 59, tells Closer she’s been inundated with fans telling her she’s an inspiration. Debbie says, “I’ve had hundreds of messages from women over 50 telling me that they’d given up and thought men would never fancy them again, that they’d be fat and watching TV for the rest of their lives. Then, suddenly, they’ve been inspired by me and it’s changed their lives. “And young girls saying, ‘I’m only 20, but I want to look like you at your age, so I’ve joined the gym or signed up to dance lessons.’ It feels unreal.” The…

STANLEY’S BFF She had a close bond with ex-MEP Stanley Johnson, 77, and cheekily revealed she has a “thing for older politicians”. SMOOTH OPERATOR After downing smoothies made of pigs’ testicles, she added, “I can nail a big cheap nasty bottle of white wine.” TOP SCOFFER In her first eating challenge, Toff had to eat a bull’s penis and an ostrich’s foot. But she did it – with a smile on her face. SNAKE CHARMER The star was suspended in a box as 20 pythons crawled over her. But she kept her cool and even apologised for swearing!…

ANSWERS…

We all want to give the perfect gifts this Christmas and there’s plenty to get excited about over at Very. Finding something special for all the family is simple with Very’s range of festive present ideas. As well as fabulous options for both men and women, your little ones will soon fall in love with Ulfie, the cuddly wolf star of Very’s Christmas advert. Make sure they’re wrapped up warm this winter in Ulfiethemed PJs, slippers and beanie hats. What’s more, you can get free next-day delivery to thousands of local convenience stores with Collect+, or choose standard home delivery for just £3.99. It’s the only shopping destination you need this year.…

CHARLOTTE How much do you spend on your festive food shop? About £200 in total – I cook for around eight guests on Christmas Day and more on Boxing Day [Charlotte is mum to Ella Rose, two, with businessman husband Mark Herbert, 41]. We usually order a KellyBronze turkey, buy veggies from our local farm shop, and other cuts of meat from the butchers and supermarket. What do you eat on Christmas Day? Breakfast is croissants with a glass of Bucks Fizz, then smoked salmon nibbles mid-afternoon. For lunch, we have a roast turkey with all the trimmings, which my husband cooks. In the evening, I make a selection of desserts – maybe a chocolate sponge and a fruity cheesecake. Later, I’ll bring out a cheese board and chocolates. What…

A study of more than 200,000 people has found that eating a handful of nuts twice a week can slash your risk of heart disease by almost a quarter. Those who ate walnuts, almonds, hazelnuts, cashews, pistachios and/or pecans twice a week or more were 23 per cent less likely to develop coronary heart disease and 15 per cent less likely to get cardiovascular disease. Opt for unsalted peanuts, which are actually legumes, and the risk of these conditions drops by 15 and 13 per cent respectively, too. Cracking!…

GET SAVVY IN THE JANUARY SALES! The best bargain hunters are prepared, so we asked top money experts how to get the best of the new year discounts Forget buying ill-fitting clothes and your eighth jar of body scrub just because they have 30 per cent off. Here’s how to bag yourself serious bargains. Happy shopping! ORDER ONLINE “A lot of stores sell out quickly so if you know what you want, shop online,” says Holly Andrews from KIS finance (Kisbridgingloans.co.uk). “You avoid being tempted by unnecessary purchases, too. Before buying anything, ask yourself, ‘Would I want this full price?’ Only if you say, ‘yes,’ then it’s a bargain.” SEEK OUT XMAS STOCK If you’re organised, it’s worth clearing up on the reduced Christmas stock ready for next year. “Retailers…

SUSAN SARANDON’S FUNNY WALK On playing Hollywood icon Bette Davies in big new BBC drama Feud (Sat 16 Dec, 9pm, BBC2), Susan Sarandon says, “Bette was so eccentric in everything she did and said. But it wasn’t just about getting the accent right, she stressed very odd words all the time; she also had a very odd walk.” JAMIE OLIVER TELLS US, ‘PIMP UP YOUR VEGGIES!’ Chef Jamie Oliver shares his top tips for the perfect roast spud on Jamie’s Italian Christmas (Tue 19 Dec, 8pm, C4). His advice, “Chuck in pretty much half a bottle of balsamic vinegar, so they come out black. They taste like heaven – but they’re quite shocking-looking.” Riiight. CHECK OUT EMMA THOMPSON! Here’s actress Emma Thompson as Elizabeth I (below) in Upstart Crow: A…

CINDERELLA BELLE OF THE BALL XMAS DAY, 3.10PM, BBC1 Downton Abbey’s Lily James stars as the slipper-losing would-be princess in this gorgeous adaptation of the fairy tale. Richard Madden is her Prince Charming, while Helena Bonham Carter plays her Fairy Godmother. BACK TO THE FUTURE TIME-TRAVEL FUN BOXING DAY, 6PM, C4 Everyone’s favourite time-travelling ’80s movie, starring Michael J Fox as Marty McFly and Christopher Lloyd as the eccentric Doc Brown. Marty goes back in time and meets his parents at high school, accidentally becoming his mum’s love interest. Big family fun, just right for the annual Boxing Day afternoon slump on the sofa. JURASSIC WORLD CLASSIC JURASSIC BOXING DAY, 6.40PM, ITV Set 22 years after the events of Jurassic Park, a dinosaur escapes and goes on a rampage on…