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Viz

Viz

February 2020

Viz has been gracing British newsagents' shelves since 1979. Its irreverent mix of bad language, childish cartoons and sharp satire has seen its creators hauled over the coals by the United Nations, questioned by Scotland Yard's anti-terrorist branch and exhibited in the Tate Gallery. Viz's comic characters, such as the Fat Slags, Sid the Sexist, and Roger Mellie the foul-mouthed Man on the Telly, as well as its hugely popular Top Tips and Profanisaurus sections, are firmly established as national institutions, just like Broadmoor Hospital for the Criminally Insane. *Manufacturer's estimate.

Страна:
United Kingdom
Язык:
English
Издатель:
Dennis Publishing UK
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14 мин.
letterbocks

HOW come you never see anyone buffing an apple on their jumper before eating it any more? I don’t even do it myself, as no doubt the PC lobby has now deemed it a ‘hate crime’ or some such, and I have no wish to be hauled up before the courts. Two Jackets, Waterford WHY America has invested billions to develop a camera so powerful it can read a newspaper headline from space is anyone’s guess. Why don’t they just send astronauts up with a Kindle and pay the subscription fee for an electronic copy of their preferred newspaper? This would also allow them to read the full article and not just the headline. Paul Padre, Walkington I THINK I’ve just walked past Bill Oddie, but it might have just been a dumpy old…

2 мин.
top tips

A CABBAGE attached to your scrotum with duct tape makes an ideal scrotum-stretching weight. If it is too heavy and causing over-stretching, simply remove a few of the outer leaves. Kirk Flatus, Filey RUIN the reputation of a new coworker by starting to steal from colleagues and leaving massive shits unflushed in the works toilets soon after they arrive, and then refraining from these activities whenever they are off. Mike Tatham, St. Andrews NAIL manufacturers. Fight back against the commercial success of the super-strong adhesive ‘ No More Nails’ by rebranding your nails as ‘No More No More Nails’ Jack Funtingdale, Bradfield Combust ENGLAND rugby team. Intimidate your opponents by performing a Morris Dance before every game. James Wallace, Belper CONVINCE family and friends that you ’re actually an American by only using your fork to eat and…

2 мин.
into the fridge

ON THE CAMPAIGN trail during the last General Election, Tory leader Boris Johnson hid in a fridge to avoid questions from reporters. It was a bold electoral gamble, but one which paid off, as his party was returned to office with a thumping 76-seat majority. But Johnson is not the only leader who has taken refuge in a fridge. History shows us that this cool ruse is a tried and tested gambit for many public figures... 1529 Cardinal Wolsey AFTER failing to secure the annulment of Henry VIII’s marriage to Anne Boleyn, Cardinal Wolsey fell out of favour with the king, who issued a warrant for his arrest. Tipped off by a courtier, Wolsey slipped out into the garden of his home at Hampton Court and hid in the ice house by…

10 мин.
new year’s reso-letdowns!

WE ALL love making our New Year’s Resolutions. Whether we’re cutting out carbs, stopping smoking or taking up the trombone, there’s nothing Brits love more than starting the year with a solemn, life-enhancing vow. But statistics show that most of our good intentions fizzle out before the first month draws to a close. By January 12th or thereabouts, we’re all back to stuffing our faces with doughnuts and puffing away on 40 cigs a day, whilst our new musical instruments sit untouched in the corner of the room, silently judging us. But as ordinary members of the public, we are mere mortals. For the A-List stars, it’s a different story. Celebrities are the godlike idols we look up to, using them as yardsticks for how to live our pathetic, meaningless lives. It is…

3 мин.
len will we see you again?

LEN McClusky, Len Goodman, Len Ganley. Afew years ago, you couldn’t move for Lens. In fact it used to be said that wherever you were in Britain, you were never more than 20 yards from someone called Len. But that fact may no longer be true, because the popularity of the name has been dropping in recent years, and 2019 saw the once popular moniker fall out of the top 250 boys names for the first time ever. lennie In the 1920s and 30s, Len was a household name, rarely out of the top ten chart. But since the war, the name declined in popularity, and 2019 saw just 3 baby boys christened Len in the UK. “Len, is a contraction of the name Leonard, meaning lion,” said Somerset House senior registrar Hubert Battenburg.…

1 мин.
how’s about that, len?

ALTHOUGH no longer in favour, the name Len has the most unusual history. Here are a few unbeleivable Len Facts… STAR TREK actor Leonard Nimoy is perhaps the most famous person sporting the name. On set, however, he always insisted on being called Leonard. Nobody, not even the show’s creator, Gene Rodenberry, was ever allowed to call him Len. MOST MALE names have a female version – George; Georgina, Paul; Paula, Henry; Henrietta, and so on. But the female version of Len is … wait for it … Helena! You couldn’t make it up. NOBODY called Len has ever held the title of world’s smallest man. Anyone called Calvin, however, can boast that they share their name with the world’s most diminutive person. THE MOST famous Lenny ever, Lenny Small, wasn’t even a real…