Table of contents for JUN 16 in Esquire UK

Will Self The editor-at-large begins his new column Self Examination on page 31. “For long periods, I’ve acted as if I didn’t have a body at all,” he says. “Each month, I’ll tackle an organ or limb and so reconnect with that with which I should always have been... one. In the process, I hope I’ll be able to reassure you, dear readers, that there is no such thing as abnormality when it comes to the human body, only different sorts of... weird.” AA Gill As Uncle Dysfunctional, the contributing editor this month advises a distressed reader nervously pondering life as a fisherman’s apprentice. He also extolls bespoke tailoring on page 68, where he can be seen modelling a suit while playing “someone important, don’t know who” alongside Michael Gambon’s…

LET’S TALK COCK — no, really, let’s chew over the dick, the schlong, the Peter Piper that calls the tune. Yes, yes, I know — you talk cock the whole time, if by “cock” you mean yapping about what your cock gets up to or upside of, but do you ever take the time to really drill down into the organ itself? Ouch! Shorn of all the hopes and desires we wreath it with, stripped of its epithets — childish or blokeish — what is the penis? And more importantly, what does it mean to us: what, dare I ask, is our relationship we have with this, the most salient of our generative organs and the fons et origo of all humanity? I say “salient”, because that’s the very nub…

Instagram is changing the way we live. The art world talks about it as if it was one of the world’s most influential dealers as more and more art is discovered, shared and effectively sold through this social media platform. Even the Vatican has jumped on the bandwagon. Back in March, the Pope launched his own Instagram account under the name “Franciscus”. Within one hour of launching, and with only one post of himself — the slightly selfish caption “Pray for me” (no emoticons, sadly), he already had more than 100,000 followers. How we discover new fashion brands, and new ways of dressing, is increasingly influenced by the feeds we follow. For instance, if Taylor Swift posts a picture of herself wearing an Ashish dress to an awards ceremony, a…

Lord Byron, he of the way with words, referred to Dubrovnik as “the pearl of the Adriatic”. He had a point. This Croatian gem is one of the world’s best preserved medieval cities, even after a two-year siege during the early Nineties. Today, the invasion consists of adoring tourists, wandering its alleyways and walls and, increasingly, to see where the King’s Landing scenes from Game of Thrones are filmed. The city can get busy, but if you know where to look you can dodge the herd and enjoy Dubrovnik like the gospari (“lords” in Croatian), the inhabitants’ nickname for themselves. Byron would have approved. Tom Barber is a founder of the award-winning originaltravel.co.uk Stay The picturesque coast all around the city is best enjoyed from a luxury yacht as many…

Look 1 Green cotton safari jacket, £50, by H&M Cream Matterhorn quilted vest, £225, by Victorinox White cotton-cashmere Henley top, £145, by Private White VC Navy cotton chinos, £110, by Lacoste Black leather sandals, £25, by H&M Blue water-resistant backpack, £150, by Lacoste Stainless steel chronograph on brown leather strap, £140, by Seiko Look 2 Brown suede jacket, £1,250, by Private White VC Grey cotton short-sleeved shirt, £120, by Tiger of Sweden White denim trousers, £110, by Lacoste Grey suede espadrilles, £30, by H&M Dark brown leather holdall, £595, by Aspinal Stainless steel CT60 Three-Hand 34mm watch, £3,450, by Tiffany & Co…

IN POP CULTURE AND THE ARTS there is a worrying tendency in this country, among supposed sophisticates if not the less cowering and insecure (everyone else), to ignore the great stuff under our noses in favour of foreign imports, particularly those from America. This can lead to blind veneration of average work from over there, and automatic dismissal of terrific homegrown entertainments. It happens at the movies, and on the books pages, but nowhere is this self-defeating reverse snobbery more obvious than when it comes to prestige TV, if there is really such a thing. (Prestige for whom? The audience?) Since HBO revolutionised the form with The Sopranos and The Wire and the rest, we — especially those of us at the posher end of the press — routinely make…

ON THE PLANE Though the age of jet set elegance may be over, you can (and should) still dress to fly. 1. Black/gold S7 phone, £570, by Samsung 2. Black wool sweat pants, £250, by Paul Smith 3. Travelsize toiletry kit, £30, by Aesop 4. Dark brown technical canvas-calf leather duffel bag, £1,830, by Bottega Veneta 5. Grey Merino wool cardigan, £160, by John Smedley 6. White leather trainers, £210, by Sandro 7. White cotton T-shirt, £10, by H&M ON THE BEACH Pack good swimming shorts, easy-to-wear sandals, a sun hat, and something for a bit of sporty activity (when the mood takes you). 1. Wooden bat and ball, £190, by Frescobol Carioca 2. Tobacco straw Panama hat, £60, by M&S Collection 3. Black/blue striped jacquard sandals, £355, by Lanvin…

Today, countless brands manufactured products designed to make your shaving experience as smooth as possible. The latest, and perhaps the most impressive we’ve seen is the Pace6+ by Dorco — a brand that has over 60 years of expertise in offering advanced razor blade technology. Featuring six, super-sharp blades, a pivoting head to increase flexibility and a dermatologicallytested moisturising strip imbued with soothing Vitamin E, Dorco’s Pace6+ is designed to make your morning shave as hassle-free as possible. razorsbydorco.co.uk SUPER SIX The world’s first sixblade razor has supersharp narrow blades, a fine trimmer blade and a non-slip handle to give you a fine and smooth shave A LITTLE SHARPENER Dorco also offers a home subscription service — meaning that you can have your razor blades delivered right to your door.…

Women have known it for years: with grooming, there is no single regime, product or treatment to fit all needs. At night, it’s important to use a slightly thicker moisturiser that can penetrate the epidermis slowly and do its good work while you sleep. During the day, you need a lighter lotion with SPF to protect from harmful UV rays. The same goes for every other product under the sun — from serums to scrubs. Here, to help you organise your day and night grooming regimes, are the best time-specific products out there. 1 | Malin & Goetz Peppermint Body Scrub Wakes you up with an invigorating mix of mint, bamboo and pumice, which exfoliates away dead skin that can gather overnight — readying you for the day ahead. £23,…

1 Big men off-campus BOYHOOD DIRECTOR CUES UP A DISCO-ERA COLLEGE MOVIE By pretty much all accounts, the American university campus in 2016, like its British equal, is a troubled and troubling place, rent by arguments over identity politics, hyper-sensitive to micro aggressions, alert to trigger warnings and populated, if you believe some of the more colourful reporting on the subject, by a female student body forced into safe spaces by sexually incontinent male counterparts. Enter Richard Linklater, indie cinema’s poet laureate of US adolescence, with a film that disco dances past all that for a paean to an innocent, apolitical 1980 of bong hits, punch-drunk hook-ups and locker room badinage. Everybody Wants Some!! follows a team of back-slapping bros through a four-day bacchanal leading up to the first day…

“IRONICAL, BRUTAL AND COLD.” A “blunt instrument.” These are among Ian Fleming’s early descriptions of his deathless assassin, James Bond. This is the 007 that the Bond films’ producers, Barbara Broccoli and Michael G Wilson, returned to in 2005, when Daniel Craig’s casting was announced. This is the Bond who rescued cinema’s longest running series from its status as bloated, incontinent anachronism and returned it, arguably for the first time since the Sixties, to sleek, muscular, potent pop phenomenon: from flaccid to priapic at a single stroke. We Brits have a funny thing about Bond, men especially. He occupies a uniquely delicate position in the national psyche. He is a source of both pride and embarrassment. In his twisted way, he exemplifies qualities we believe distinguish us: he’s brave, he’s…

“THERE WAS A REBELLIOUS PART OF ME that wanted to show I just didn’t care,” Christian Slater tells Esquire from his home in Manhattan. The actor is not talking about his well-documented path from Eighties/Nineties breakout star (Heathers, True Romance) to Hollywood exile — more on which later — but fashion: “I look back on all those Hawaiian shirts and T-shirts with dumb stuff written on them now and just think, ‘Oh, man…’ I guess I wanted to show I didn’t take clothes seriously but, of course, that was making a ridiculous statement in itself.” These days, the 46-year-old takes far more care over things, whether it’s getting dressed or the acting career he almost lost. After going through the classic “hell-raiser” phase in his twenties, Slater spent the first…

Greyhours timepieces Greyhours is crafting luxury timepieces using diamond-like-carbon (DLC) coating technology and anti-reflective blue sapphire glass. The watch is powered by a Swiss designed movement. Very limited stock available. From £165. Order now at greyhours.com Delivery in May 2016 Gruhme Introducing the award-winning fragrance Gruhme No.14, proudly made right here in the UK. With uplifting citrus top notes married to a woody base and patchouli heart, it is truly a versatile scent for the modern gentleman. This two-man start up is definitely one to watch! £45 for 100ml, gruhme.co.uk Mr Jenks Mr Jenks is a new name in the pocket square industry, but considering the impact they're having, we expect we'll hear a lot more about them! Specialising in 100 per cent Italian silk, hand-hemmed pocket squares, they offer…

When a football player is caught cheating on his wife with a stripper, or when he finds himself the victim of a tabloid kiss-and-tell exposé from an aspiring glamour model, the betrayed and wounded Wag invariably sticks up for her man. “It was a honey trap,” she will say. “That tart was targeting him because of his fame and money.” (Well, d’uh.) “He came back to me, I’ve forgiven him, and our love is stronger than ever.” And in that period of reconciliation, when the naughty centre-forward’s tail is firmly between his legs and his missus wants to show the world that he’s changed his ways, she will invariably utter the single greatest cliché of Premier League unfaithfulness: “Why would he go out for a burger when he can have…

1 / Culture Musician: Bruce Springsteen or Bob Seger. But my daughter’s 12, so I also like Rihanna, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift… Writer: I went through a Kerouac phase when I was younger. Artist: I take landscape photos, so my house is full of blown-up prints of those. 2 / Food & drink Wine: Pinot Noir or a nice Cab. Spirit: Vodka with soda and fresh lime. Beer: Coors Light. I like the lightest beer possible. Dish: Saltimbocca. Snack: Piece of fruit. Restaurant: Giorgio Baldi, Los Angeles. Bar: The Post Ranch Inn, Big Sur, California. Club: Soho House West Hollywood. I’m not a member but my agent and manager are. 3 / Style Jeans: Levi’s 541. I did a Levi’s commercial when I was younger, so I guess I’ve…

Summer is so close we can already taste the rooftop negronis — but warmer weather doesn’t herald hedonism alone. It’s also the chance to escape the air-conditioned oppression of the gym, get outdoors, inhale some oxygen and nail bodyweight exercises to deflate winter’s spare tyre. So, last one to the park’s a rotten egg. The core shredder Hanging window washers (or Russian twists, as they’re also known) are my favourite ab and oblique exercises on a bar. Support your weight then swing feet and knees out to one side, up in front of your face, then down the other side. Feet should move in an arc, like a wiper across a windscreen. Five sets of 30–45secs without stopping; 1min rest in between The upper body all-rounder The dip is the…

01 A TEST DRIVE OF THE PORSCHE 718 Think outside the Boxster The baby of the Porsche family — the Boxster — has been given a new name, a new look and an all-new four-cylinder turbo engine. Now called the 718 Boxster, it’s quicker, more powerful, more agile and more fuel-efficient than its predecessor. While purists bemoan the loss of the old naturally aspirated engine’s trademark hum, you’ll be having far too much fun throwing it around corners to notice. USP: The name is a reference to the four-cylinder 718 racing car of the Fifties and Sixties, giving this heritage appeal, as well as contemporary cred. — £50,700; porsche.com 02 A PAIR OF JM WESTON LOAFERS Any colour you like, as long as it’s blue In the autumn of 1956,…