Drum English

Before we started this book, we had conversations with women. Married, engaged, single, divorced and somewhere in between. We talked to our friends who had recently gotten married and those who are in the planning stages. Our resident Makoti, Siya Tsewu, also had some interesting conversations with lawyers, cultural experts and lovers. Before we put pen to paper, we wanted to know what these women wanted to read and what they wanted to know. And the common theme that came out was clear – let’s talk about the things we are often too scared to talk about ahead of the wedding. Conversations about whether or not you are going to get married in community of property should be started long before you even think about getting married. But for some, it almost feels…

FIRST came love, then came lobola and mahlabiso and now their family is complete after the birth of their baby. She believes in keeping things close to her chest until the big day. Which is why it came as a complete surprise when she announced that she had not only been pregnant, she had also already given birth. It wasn’t the first time that she’d left fans completely surprised by her big moves. But media personality and reality star Faith Nketsi isn’t done. She still has a lot of surprises up her sleeve, including wedding ceremonies to complete the process that she’s already started. When she posted pictures of a ceremony, everyone was sure she had tied the knot officially. But it was just step two of a five-step wedding she’s got planned to becoming…

It’s a tale as old as time. Boy meets girl, they fall in love and get married. But sometimes fairy tales don’t always last and happily ever after doesn’t happen. And what do you do when that happens? You try again and if you’re like Sello Maake ka Ncube, Cupid will hit you again and again until you get another chance at love to be with your soulmate. Sello (62) got married in London to Caribbean woman, Del in 2004 when he was 44 years old and she was 40. It ended within a year. Then he was married to Palesa in 2013 when he was 53 and she was 39. Neither of these weddings were overly extravagant, there weren’t too many bells and whistles, but the man was in love. Unfortunately, forever did…

Women are different. Just like some prefer sweatpants and sneakers, others prefer pencil skirts and red bottoms. And so, the kinds of relationships they want to be in are also different. Someone women want a man who only has eyes for her and will wait on her hand and foot. But others prefer a man who will only be around on occasion because he has other women in his life. Drum chats to Thobile Mseleku, also known as MaKhumalo, who is married to polygamist Musa Mseleku. She is the third of four wives and she says if she could have a do over in life, she would still choose to be in a polygamous marriage with the same man and same sister wives. Polygamy is an age-old tradition that is still practiced…

SHE was still in the honeymoon stage when she started getting dreams from her ancestors telling her she needs to take a second husband. Now that she has, she prays daily that she doesn’t get a dream telling her to take a third. Her second husband joined her family about eight months ago and it certainly has been an adjustment. Gogo Skhotheni, whose given name is Patricia Tumi Motsoeneng, is a Moja Love reality TV star. She never saw herself entertaining multiple partners and never thought that she would be in a polyandry marriage because she has always been a one-man woman. Even her husband knows that he married a faithful wife who only has eyes for him. But her gift comes with a lot of dreams and visions which impact their marriage, she…

Her new name is Nakhane. It means “build each other”, an apt name for the Xhosa bride who was recently received with unimaginable love by her in-laws when they welcomed her into the Pandliwe family as a new bride in Komani. But as she sits on the reed mat, clad in traditional Xhosa makoti attire, eyes cast downwards and eating utsiki, she is not simply playing into some patriarchal stereotype. Nolo Phera (21) is marrying the love of her life, Sangiwe Pandliwe, in the way she wants to – by celebrating her Xhosa heritage. Sangiwe says that while it might be strange for her dad that she is marrying a woman, her Old Man and the elders in the family are 100% in her corner. They have been dating since 3 June 2017, just…