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Viz November 2020

Viz has been gracing British newsagents' shelves since 1979. Its irreverent mix of bad language, childish cartoons and sharp satire has seen its creators hauled over the coals by the United Nations, questioned by Scotland Yard's anti-terrorist branch and exhibited in the Tate Gallery. Viz's comic characters, such as the Fat Slags, Sid the Sexist, and Roger Mellie the foul-mouthed Man on the Telly, as well as its hugely popular Top Tips and Profanisaurus sections, are firmly established as national institutions, just like Broadmoor Hospital for the Criminally Insane. *Manufacturer's estimate.

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United Kingdom
Dennis Publishing UK
R 59,76
R 537,83
10 Issues

in this issue

17 min
letter bocks

WHILST strolling up Blackpool promenade last night, I thought of a new attraction mixing the annual autumn light show with the world of Greek hard cheese, called ‘Blackpool Hallouminations’. I’m not sure how many tourists this would pull in, but it’s a difficult time for the hospitality industry, so it has to be worth a try. Jim H, Blackpool I SAW an archaeologist on telly the other day saying that he had found a caveman settlement in Sussex that was 26 km long. He must think I was born yesterday, as we all know that the kilometre was invented in the 18th century by the French. If these so called scientists are going to make things up, they should at least try to make it a bit believable. Dave Gibbs, Biscuit Mowbray I HAVE…

2 min
pope for a day

IN OUR more contemplative moments, every one of us has wondered what it would be like to be the infallible supreme leader of the worldwide Catholic Church. But if we actually DID get to be Bishop of Rome for 24 hours, what would we do with our time? We phoned up four of our favourite A-List celebs and asked them one simple question: What would YOU do if YOU were Pope For A Day? NIGEL FARAGE, bellend I LOVE smoking indoors, but due to the bonkers Brussels barmycrats, I’m not allowed to do it any more. So if I was Pope For A Day, I’d use the centuries-old loophole permitting the release of smoke from the Vatican when a new pope is announced to have a cheeky inside fag! I’d spend the…

4 min
the letter of the law

WHEN Boris Johnson accidentally misspoke about how one of the laws his government drew up should be interpreted, it showed one thing - that the current Coronavirus legislation is an absolute shitshow. We all want to send this virus packing, like the PM said we would do in 12 weeks six months ago, and we are willing to abide by the rules set out. But what are those rules? Where can we go? Who can we meet? Do we have to wear a face mask? We’ve asked the Prime Minister to answer YOUR questions so we can all do our bit. • I LIVE in Newcastle and my boyfriend lives three streets away. We visited each other’s houses before the local lockdown, and I don’t know if I can now still…

3 min
spartanic park exclusive!

Archaeologist Dr Ingibjorg Magnusmagnusson from the University of Reykjavic says that a drinking vessel from classical Sparta could yield human DNA, which in turn could be used to clone the individual who drank from it two-and-a-half millennia ago. “It would be the first Spartan seen by human eyes since they became extinct in 192 BC,” said Dr Magnusmagnusson. “There are lots of Spartan artifacts in museums around the world–forks, spoons, swords–from which DNA could be extracted, and then it would be possible to clone a whole community of the ancient civilisation,” he told New Scientist magazine. “There would be warriors, free citizens and slaves, men and women, the lot,” he continued. “In a museum in Crete, there’s a helmet that belonged to the ruling Spartan monarch from 486BC. We can easily get some DNA…

2 min
boo bloopers

• In the gory fight sequences, the Spartans approach their enemies swinging their swords, before the film goes into slow motion as the blade delivers the fatal blow, then speeding up again. But according to historians, Spartan warriors killed their enemies at the same pace without slowing down in the middle. • The night before the 300 set off for Thermopylae, King Leonidas, played by GERARD BUTLER spends a night of passion with his love, Queen Gorgo. The scene is tasteful and romantic, but eagle-eyed viewers will notice that Butler has a Glasgow Celtic FC tattoo on his arse. A lifelong fan of the Bhoys, Butler had the crest tattooed on his buttocks on his 16th birthday. Special effects technicians were meant to remove it digitally in post-production, but forgot. • In…

4 min
bringing that spartan sparkle into modern life

Children THE SPARTANS were notoriously strict with the upbringing of their children, treating them harshly, pointing out their faults and instilling a rigid code of honour in them. The result was that adult Spartans were strong and focused and able to deal with whatever life threw at them. Whilst not going quite so far as whipping our children with leather straps on their seventh birthday, we modern parents could benefit from toughening up our namby-pamby children in a Spartan manner. When dropping your children off at school, don’t give them a hug, but hold them firmly by the shoulders and tell them to “Come home with a gold star, or don’t come home at all.” Also let your young Spartan know that there is no shame, but rather honour, in taking…