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Viz March 2021

Viz has been gracing British newsagents' shelves since 1979. Its irreverent mix of bad language, childish cartoons and sharp satire has seen its creators hauled over the coals by the United Nations, questioned by Scotland Yard's anti-terrorist branch and exhibited in the Tate Gallery. Viz's comic characters, such as the Fat Slags, Sid the Sexist, and Roger Mellie the foul-mouthed Man on the Telly, as well as its hugely popular Top Tips and Profanisaurus sections, are firmly established as national institutions, just like Broadmoor Hospital for the Criminally Insane. *Manufacturer's estimate.

Country:
United Kingdom
Language:
English
Publisher:
Dennis Publishing UK
Frequency:
Monthly
R 59,76
R 537,83
10 Issues

in this issue

23 min
letter boks

I READ that Christopher Columbus was 41 years old when he went to America, and as a consequence everyone celebrates him to this day. I was 25 when I first landed on the East Coast of the USA, and yet not one book has been written about me despite the fact that I beat Columbus by a good 16 years. Once again, it’s one rule, etc… you know the rest. Rick Riley, Manchester THEY say a bad workman always blames his tools. But they also say that a workman is only as good as the tools he uses. I’ve just put some shelves up on the wonk, and I don’t know whether I can blame my tools or not. Thanston Crabb, Wisbech WHILE listening to Radio 2, a caller asked if she could say…

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5 min
jockey’s whips

THE LIFE of a jockey is surely one of the most glamorous imaginable. Driving to racecourses the length and breadth of the land in order to dress up in a gaily-coloured clown costume with a big hat before sitting on a horse doing 50mph for ninety seconds. It’s a lifestyle most of us can only dream of. But that is not the half of it, according to one Wetherby-based jockey, who says the rewards of winning races are nothing compared to the perks of the job off the track. Chips Were Down Jonny Bismuth is a veteran of over 10,000 flat and steeplechase races, notching up 3 wins and 520 unseatings in his 8-year career. “I remember one time going to get some chips for my dinner,” he told the Wetherby Avulsion and Fracture.…

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8 min
rich as creases

A FOOL and his money are soon parted, so the saying goes. But Barton Creases would have to disagree. “I’ve still got all my money, and plenty more to boot,” he says. For Creases has spent his life amassing a fortune plying his trade as a professional gambler. And the Osset-based 56-year-old says he has never regretted cashing in his chips as a plumber for the high-rolling life of a chance-taker. “I left school at 16 and started an apprenticeship as a plumber, but after three days, I knew that life wasn’t for me and I jacked it in,” he says. “And I’d always been a bit of a gambler at school – betting 50p on which teacher would come out the staffroom next, 20p on the outcome of a fight in…

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3 min
hedge your bets

BRITAIN is a nation of shopkeepers. And those shops are betting shops, because Britain is also a nation of gamblers. From Land’s End to John O’Groats, every single one of us loves a flutter. But what if the unthinkable happened one day, and we took a wrong turning en route to our beloved local bookies and ended up lost in the woods? Trapped in such a hostile and merciless environment with no access to fruit machines, craps tables or roulette wheels, would we really be able to cope? The simple answer is YES. Because we’ve teamed up with stocky survivalist RAY MEARS to show YOU how to forage your very own CASINO from the forest floor! So join Ray as he presents a step-by-step guide to sating YOUR ruinous gambling addiction…

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3 min
odds ‘n’ gods

Honest’Justin Welby Dear AB of C, I WAS flicking through the Bible the other day, and I came upon a passage in Exodus where God says, “You cannot see my face, for no man shall see me and live.” It struck me that this would give God an unfair advantage during poker games as, since no one’s allowed to look at Him, He would not have to perfect His ‘poker face’ in order to conceal the strength of His cards. Martin Heathen, Bracknell The AB of C says: God has no need to adopt a ‘poker face’, Martin, because He would never play poker. It’s not just that He considers gambling a sin, although He probably does, but rather because card games aren’t particularly enjoyable for Him, since He knows exactly what cards all…

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2 min
gambling during lockdown?– you bet!

THE LOCKDOWNS of the last 12 months have taken their toll on everyone. Stopped from meeting friends and loved ones, denied the simple pleasures of eating a meal out, and unable to browse the shops, we have all suffered in one way or another. So spare a thought for those who like a flutter, for whom the last 12 months have been exceptionally hard. After the government selfishly banned tens of thousands of people gathering during a pandemic, the nation’s gamblers have had little to bet on. Football matches, horse racing meetings and cricket games have all been casualties of the pandemic, with flutter-loving Brit punters the losers. But necessity is the mother of invention, and as we endure our third and potentially longest lockdown, it’s time to look at some novel…

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