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Viz April 2021

Viz has been gracing British newsagents' shelves since 1979. Its irreverent mix of bad language, childish cartoons and sharp satire has seen its creators hauled over the coals by the United Nations, questioned by Scotland Yard's anti-terrorist branch and exhibited in the Tate Gallery. Viz's comic characters, such as the Fat Slags, Sid the Sexist, and Roger Mellie the foul-mouthed Man on the Telly, as well as its hugely popular Top Tips and Profanisaurus sections, are firmly established as national institutions, just like Broadmoor Hospital for the Criminally Insane. *Manufacturer's estimate.

United Kingdom
Dennis Publishing UK
R 59,76
R 537,83
10 Issues

in this issue

16 min
letter bocks

THEY SAY that “a stopped clock is right twice a day”, but what these Einsteins fail to realise is that you need another clock to check the time in order to know exactly when the stopped clock is correct. Dean Haigh, Hessle I’VE JUST noticed that Saturday has the word ‘turd’ in the middle of it. Why aren’t we taught this stuff at school instead of algebra? Dominic Twose, Leamington Spa IF WE had never evolved trousers, on a cold day we would be able to see our farts like we see our breath. Thank goodness for trousers, I say. Boody, Chesvegas I HAVE long held left-handed people in the highest regard, but after experimenting by wiping my arse with my left hand, my respect for them has increased massively. It was easily the most difficult…

3 min
martin lewis’s bezosbox

NEWS that Billionaire Jeff Bezos is to step down as CEO of his online retail company Amazon took the world by surprise. As head of the internet giant, Bezos earned a staggering $3,715 per second, making him the world’s richest man by a $60 billion margin. But as he steps away from the post, his income will inevitably shrink, and he may find himself looking for ways to save cash. Here are a few of my Top Tips to allow to live within his new financial means… WITH NOT going out to work each morning and spending more time in the house, it’s likely that Jeff’s energy bills will actually rise slightly. By logging onto my gas and electricity provider comparison site, he can see if he is with the best…

3 min
doctor in the house

ABARNSLEY man says he is regretting the day he let his wife give him a lockdown appendectomy after he was left with a ridiculous-looking scar and life-threatening injuries. George Trinkets, 43, was isolating at home with his wife Kath and their three children when he developed a crippling pain in the right side of his abdomen. Mrs Trinkets suspected immediately that it was a burst appendix, because her sister had had the condition when she was twelve, and her husband was displaying all the same symptoms. “George wanted to go to hospital, but I said it would be a nightmare, as it was at the height of the pandemic,” she told the Barnsley Aorta and Ventricle. “We’ve all had to become experts in one thing and another during lockdown, and I thought…

1 min
samantha v laurence v ruel who is the most fantastic mr(s) fox?

WHY ARE WE HERE? Is there a God? What is the purpose of life on Earth? Philosophers have been pondering all these weighty questions and more for many millennia now – but one query trumps them all when it comes to sparking violent debate and renting entire communities in twain: Who Is The Best Celebrity With The Surname ‘Fox’? For some people, the answer is, and always will be, SAMANTHA FOX – the busty model-turned-songstress who kept every red-blooded male’s pulse racing throughout the 1980s. For others, the correct response is LAURENCE FOX, the maggot-cocked telly fave who won the hearts of tens with his stunning portrayal of DS James Hathaway in ITV’s Lewis, before reinventing himself as an intellectual firebrand in the war against ‘wokeness’. Others still will tell you…

6 min
what’s in a name?

SHE’S THERE on our TV screens when we rise in the mornings, and us Brits don’t step outside before we’ve carefully checked out her warm fronts and areas of localised pressure. She’s BBC Breakfast iso-barmaid CAROL KIRKWOOD, and thanks to her cheery weather forecasts and smiley Scottish demeanour, we think we know what makes her tick. But although we welcome her into our homes every day, do we really know what secrets she keeps hidden behind her bright and breezy meteorological facade? Believe it or not, the truth about Carol Kirkwood is contained within the letters that make up her name! Cis for CLAIRVOYANT WHEN she was very young, Carol visited a fairground fortune teller who told her that she would grow up to become a famous breakfast telly star. Amazingly,…

4 min
ask the ab of c

Dear AB of C, I LENT my neighbour my lawn mower last week, and he returned it with a crack in the grass collection box that wasn’t there when I lent it to him. He never said anything and I found my heart full of dark, vengeful thoughts towards him. I know the Bible says that I should forgive him not seven times, but seventy times seven, but I don’t want to lend it to him 490 times for him to bring it back knackered. What should I do? Len Mastiff, Tring * The Lord is very hot on forgiveness and you have a duty to pardon your neighbour’s trespasses. Having said that, your neighbour has a duty to confess the sin of cracking your grass box and seek forgiveness. Since there…