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Viz June/July 2021

Viz has been gracing British newsagents' shelves since 1979. Its irreverent mix of bad language, childish cartoons and sharp satire has seen its creators hauled over the coals by the United Nations, questioned by Scotland Yard's anti-terrorist branch and exhibited in the Tate Gallery. Viz's comic characters, such as the Fat Slags, Sid the Sexist, and Roger Mellie the foul-mouthed Man on the Telly, as well as its hugely popular Top Tips and Profanisaurus sections, are firmly established as national institutions, just like Broadmoor Hospital for the Criminally Insane. *Manufacturer's estimate.

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Country:
United Kingdom
Language:
English
Publisher:
Dennis Publishing UK
Frequency:
Monthly
R 59,76
R 537,83
10 Issues

in this issue

2 min
tony parsehole

WHEN I heard the news that HRH (that stands for His Royal Highness, so thats three words) The Duke of Edinburgh had died, I wept. I wept and I wept and I wept. I wept royal tears of grief for the Queen’s consort. Her Majesty the Queen’s consort. And just at the exact moment I stopped wepting over Prince Philip, I heard the news that Les McKeown out of the Bay City Rollers had died, and I wept again. I wept again and I wept again and I wept again. For fate had taken these two iconic men off the face of our globe just days apart. Two men, a duke and a troubador, who had never met, yet shared so much (subs check if they ever met actually dont bother). Both were royalty:…

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10 min
letter bocks

□ THANKS to Jesus we get Christmas presents, Easter eggs and four bank holidays a year. Come on, other religions, pull your finger out. Allan Clark, Totnes □ IN REPLY to Eli Wallace’s letter about people injuring themselves in a dream (last issue), I once dreamt my cousin threw a tarantula at me, so I punched him. Unfortunately, I woke up just in time to find myself punching my girlfriend in the back of the head instead. Have any readers been injured in real life from someone else’s dream? Gary Ireland, Tauranga □ I’VE ALWAYS enjoyed the letters from Christina Martin on your Letterbocks page. Could you tell me if she’s single, as I would like to marry her and we could write letters together for ever and ever. DuSinge, Lincoln □ WHY ARE there no…

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1 min
top tips

SAVE money on your gas and electricity bills by keeping all of your gas and electric appliances switched off. Col P Fawcett, Durham TRYING to sell your house during a pandemic? Offer prospective buyers a slice of Hovis with some straps attached to use as a face mask. Hey presto! that fresh-baked bread smell all through the house. Kermit Portslade Muldoon, Chessington HUSBANDS. Convince your wife that there’s a ghost in the house by farting in rooms she’s about to enter, then denying responsibility on her mother’s life. Stuie, Bunny STOP fire walkers being so smug by mixing drawing pins in with the hot coals. David Craik, HULL SHOPLIF TERS. If you’re nabbed by security when exiting a shop, have a mate with a video camera waiting outside to shout“And… CUT!” You can then claim you are innocently…

1 min
viz badger watch

LAST ISSUE, we announced a survey to find out the average age somebody was when they first saw a badger, and your three letters came flooding in… □ I WAS 20 when I saw my first and only badger in real life. It was in Liverpool. Quite near Penny Lane. I am 41 now. Alex Stokoe, email. □ I ALSO only recently saw a badger for the first time, at the age of 44. Although I didn’t actually see the fucker until I had to get out and scrape its remains off the wheel arch of my car. Craig Scott, East Calder □ I SAW a badger in real life when I was about 15, when me and my mate were eating a Chinese takeaway up by the garages. I’m now 39. Rebecca Jeffery, email * From…

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1 min
letter brocs corner

I’M STARTING to suspect that Tom Ellen hasn’t actually written the much anticipated broccoli-themed ‘zinger’ that we have been promised. I am sure I speak for all right-thinking Viz readers, who have been more than patient thus far, in calling for Mr Ellen to either publish his broccoli letter, or be placed on the sex offenders register. Kevin Caswell-Jones, Gresford * You have a point, Mr Caswell-Jones. We have all have waited long enough and it’s time for Mr Ellen to piss or get off the pot. If we do not receive his humorous broccoli-themed letter by 17:00 GMT on 31:05:2021, he will be banned from the Letterbocks pages. As for his being placed on the sex offenders register, we’re afraid that is not within our gift.…

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1 min
top tips

ADVERTISERS. Persuade consumers to part with what little cash they have left by beginning all your adverts with “We know these are hard times for everyone….” Argy Ell, Glasgow MOBILE phone game de velopers. Please add a “Pause game while I wipe my arse” button to all of your games. David Whiston, New Zealand BAROME ERS make excellent clocks for people who have no interest in what time it is. Wensley Dale, Cheddar WHEN starting a new job, simply tell everyone in your place of work that you still have four grandparents. Hey presto! You’ve gained four extra days leave. Iain Devenney, Abingdon JUST done apoo and there’s no toilet roll left? Use the empty toilet roll tube as a megaphone to call to your wife. Hopefully she’ll hear you from the table in the restaurant. Gareth Thomas, Redhill…